The Lovely Ladies of Apartment 3-G

Tommie's Rebirth

2012-01-31T21:57:00.002-05:00

I'm no Psychic Laura, but I predict this Tommie storyline boils down to the struggle between her burgeoning music career and the demands of her new nursing-midwifery for Nurse Ratchet. Can she have it all? Is Margo really not doing something better that we could be following?

On a side note, I hope that by "practice" Nurse Ratchet means that she'll be working closely with an experienced nurse-midwife to gain the critical skills that she'll need to one day, with proper training, work as a solo nurse-midwife. I hope Nurse Ratchet isn't so masochistic as to throw Tommie into a room with a birthing mother and say "It's just like baseball, just watch the ball into your glove."

Baaack to Tommie

2012-01-30T07:42:00.000-05:00

Whoa there, Nurse Rachet. Tommie's got places to go, hobos to see. Why don't you fold up your old timey nurse's hat and stow it. Tommie's got no time for the jibber jabber!

Sunday Quickie

2012-01-29T21:59:00.004-05:00

I was reading the comments from yesterday's post, and Captain Stubing mentioned something about Margo and Tommie waving goodbye using hankies? I thought he must be exaggerating, but I checked it out and HE TOTALLY WASN'T:

Ha ha ha, soooo awesome!! I can just imagine Lu Ann and Ruby, embarrassed, piling into a cab as quickly as possible. Or, as the Captain suggested, piling onto the Pacific Princess.

In honor of Casey's birthday, which is today, I've also prepared this alternate panel, which I think better explains what's really going on:

That's a Wrap!

2012-01-28T18:38:00.003-05:00

Well, that ties up that storyline. Psychic makes a prediction, the first red herring is introduced in the form of a blonde, bland piano mover from Hoboken. Not content with a single herring, the tight knit Linski clan/cult appear hinting at Lu Ann's true need, the love of a family. Meanwhile, we've wasted a good five months fishing for herring. Then out of left field comes Ruby as Lu Ann's birth mother and the prophesy is fulfilled! Even Margo is a believer. I hope Psychic Laura uses this as a testimonial on her brochure.

All Good in the Hood

2012-01-27T15:12:00.003-05:00

I know this whole time we've been going with the "Tommie is boring so she probably had a pretty normal upbringing" theory (even though dear old Aunt Iris kept bringing up how drab and dull her sister's life is). Now, picking up cues from Tommie's body language, I can only guess that down the road, we'll be in for another tragic tale of unhappy childhood. So let's see...

Margo had an unhappy childhood, in which her poor immigrant birth mother gave her up to Margo's biological father and his wife crazy ol' Bobbie. Bobbie didn't like Margo much, but she grew up rich and entitled and wound up having a pretty good relationship with both her birth parents. Misery rating: one bowl of gruel

Lu Ann had an unhappy childhood, in which her poor teenage birth mother gave her up to Lu Ann's biological uncle and his wife, crazy ol' Vera. Vera didn't like Lu Ann much, plus there was crazy ol' Craggleface to contend with, but she wound up escaping and having a great relationship with her birth mother (TBD on father figure). Misery rating: two bowls of gruel

Based on this information, I predict Tommie's unhappy childhood will divulge itself along these lines:

Tommie had an unhappy childhood, in which she awakened from a pod-like capsule fully grown, naked, and covered in slick, gelatinous membranes. Fleeing the corn field which hosted her birth sac, she went from house to house, knocking on the door and asking "Will you be my mother?" Eventually Mrs. Tommie let her in, washed off her birth goo, and went to work making her as dull as possible. Frocks buttoned to the top button. Dinners of chicken broth and raw potatoes. Tommie always complied, not knowing any better, without even religious fanaticism or video games to distract her. Eventually Tommie went to New York, and her mom visited once. Misery rating: four fluid-filled birth sacs

Mothers and Daughters

2012-01-26T19:03:00.002-05:00

Yup, moms make everything better. Which is why, though I'm going to confront the woman who acted as my mother for years and made my life miserable, I'm not nervous at all.

Now, you might say "Oh, but it's different with your real mother. And Ruby is so sweet with her bows and the fungus growing from her head..." But let's remember, this is the woman who pretended to be Lu Ann's cousin for who knows how long (no, seriously, I have no concept of the timeline of this strip. It could potentially only have been 5 days ago that Ruby arrived) and grew close to her, never revealing her identity until she was forced to. Even though she was a fully grown adult and shouldn't be afraid of being sent off to a girls' home again. She's no prize either. And I give it about 4 strips before Lu Ann is whining, "But, Mooooom, I don't WANT to wear the pink bows in my hair. You're the worst real mom ever!"

South Dakota Souveniers

2012-01-25T13:23:00.004-05:00

EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING: I am linking to a picture of an actual Meadow Muffin. Here it is. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rovingmagpie/3365730934

Mmm, sounds delicious, or like Margo will destroy you if you bring her back cow dung in a box. Meanwhile Tommie is simply delighted with this witty repartee! The dotted line around her giggle implies that Tommie knokws better than to laugh outright at Margo, or she's in for a beating.

So right, looks like I was all wrong about Margo going on a wacky road trip with Lu Ann and Ruby. Seriously, why would you get my hopes up with a line like, "Here's our travel agenda, Margo!" I mean, come on. That'd be like Hobotramp Dan telling Tommie "We just made Billboard's Showtunes Top 40!" when he's actually talking about a hit single by Audra McDonald, who's sitting patiently in the other room.

Final note: Ruby's bows are no longer even bow-shaped. They're like little drink umbrellas, or sea anenome. Do you think she's wearing them for comfort (long day of travel) or to impress?

A Spoonful of Sugar

2012-01-24T23:39:00.004-05:00

"I mean they were only my family for insert appropriate A3G years here years, but I really don't know how they're going to react." Um, based on their reaction to your "happy news," I'm guessing they're probably going to have some complaints. Although, to defend Lu Ann's ignorance, I bet Janey has a really good poker face. It's hard to read those deep crevasses.

How is Lu Ann going to make this easier? Alcohol? Bribery? Cheerful yet inspirational squiggle art? I hope Ruby packs her strongest hair bows, because things could get messy out there on the ranch...

Road Trip!

2012-01-23T23:43:00.003-05:00

Hmm? What now? Margo is involved in a trip to South Dakota? Does this sound believable to anyone? No, of course not, but what it does sound, is awesome. Oh my gosh. I hope we spend a lot of time with them on the car ride from Minneapolis to Nowheresville, in which Margo commandeers control of the radio while also demanding to ride in the backseat.

Couldn't Have Been Easy

2012-01-20T09:47:00.005-05:00

I like how Lu Ann immediately jetisoned the titles of "mom" and "dad" and now refers to her adopted parents by their first names. Cause they don't own her anymore. I guess it wasn't easy for Vera, based on the feeling I have that she doesn't like Lu Ann all that much, but think of how tough it must've been for Craggleface Janey! It must've been like when Marilyn showed up at the Munsters' house... except in a world where the Munsters realize they're horrible freaks, and Eddie is a girl, and has to pretend Lily is her sister. Um, remember The Munsters, guys?

Girls' Homes Have Cooties

2012-01-19T20:12:00.005-05:00

Aw, it almost breaks my cold heart. Lu Ann all doe-eyed, Ruby all.... well, I guess that's a tear coming from her eye. Oh my gosh reunion tiiiiimee! Or, perhaps, time for lots of exposition about how sad Lu Ann is not to have known her father, before he succumbed to the curse of the A3G male, and how this must be the cause of her problems with men. That, or we're about to be reintroduced to Mr. Kevin Linski.

And they called it... Puppy Love

2012-01-18T10:50:00.003-05:00

Now, I've never found out that I was adopted before, but wouldn't this be like, one of the first things to come up? Otherwise, how do you tell the "whole story?" "Well, I was 15.... then you came out of my stomach.... and I had to give you up! And THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY." P.S. When I think of puppy love, I think of Donny Osmond, not pregnant teenagers. Hey, remember when kids at school would ask you if you were PT? Fun times!

Boooooooring

2012-01-17T22:39:00.004-05:00

UGH! I seriously can't believe how lame this whole un-sordid affair has become. The only thing interesting about this strip is the levitating teacup in the first panel. Your adopted mother moves in, pretending to be your cousin, lets you think your horrible craggle-faced relatives are your true kin, and you're not even a little bit miffed? You say you're relieved, why don't you tell your face how you're feeling? SHOW SOME TRUE EMOTION!

The Lost Years

2012-01-16T15:28:00.004-05:00

Ruby, where are you trying to sneak off to? "I know you have questions and all, and we'll totally get to those! Unless you want to call it a night? You know, get some shut eye, mull over the sparse facts you already have, really soak it all in before we get down to business! Oh how I wish we could have the lost years back. Anywho, I have to nip into the kitchen for just a little bit. Why don't you put on a Lifetime movie while I check out the fire escape--just to make sure it's still working and all! Okie dokie, we'll hug when I get back. Toodles!"

So Many Questions

2012-01-14T15:02:00.005-05:00

Would darkness fall on 3-G if it is still light inside? Wouldn't it be better said that "darkness fell on 3-G?" Maggie, you're the grammar maven, let me know which works better.

I, for one, was hoping for more details. Who's Lu Ann's father? How did Ruby find herself a knocked up, presumably unwed, fifteen year old girl on the South Dakotan prairie? Am I correct that South Dakota has prairies? Can someone draw me a family tree?

How many sick and injured children has Tommie saved since last we saw her. And how many of those children were poisoned or run over by Margo?

Ruby Breaks Down

2012-01-13T10:30:00.003-05:00

Wow. For a break down, this is rather mellow. Just one stubborn tear and a couple mechanical sob...s, not even meritted by a speech bubble. I expected more, especially for Ruby! You know, like real, flat-out bawling. Snorting, choking sobs, directed into her own open (but clenched) hands. Howls of pain and remorse. Weird high-pitched whines. Maybe a brief intermission where Ruby goes into a frenzy and tears down the drapes. Then, back to the uncontrollable tears and congested, barely audible whispers of "I'm sorry Lu Ann I'm so sorry"

Or at least some bobbling!

Yes Lu Ann, It's True!

2012-01-12T17:47:00.004-05:00

Well, I guess this is the hysterical, tear-rending reaction Maggie was talking about? Ruby's single tear, followed by Mim's contrite single tear... and then Lu Ann's calm "OK plot device, you've done your work, see you in a few years"?

I gotta say, Ruby gave in really fast there. No one ever tell Ruby a secret. Especially not a state secret. Can you imagine how fast she'd cave under the threat of waterboarding?

Family Scandal

2012-01-11T09:04:00.003-05:00

I feel like my co-bloggers and I are playing hot potato with this storyline, just waiting for someone to have some kind of hysterical, tear-rending reaction. Which I guess will not be happening today, I'm safe! Mim continues to spill more and more beans, almost gleefully at this point, and Ruby's listening like, "Huh, is that right? I thought I heard about something like that. Since it involves my own uterus and all." And THEN Mim has the nerve to be like, "Whoopsy daisy! Did I say something wrong? Deny it, Ruby, deny it all, I DARE YOU"

Ruby Tuesday

2012-01-10T22:23:00.004-05:00

This is so awkwardly contrived. Mim comes out of the woodwork to drop a bombshell and next week she'll be like "Look at the time! I'm going to miss the premiere of Cajun Pawn Stars, gotta run, love you Aunt Lu Ann and Great Aunt Ruby!"

It does amuse me to think of Ruby as a fifteen year old teen mother. The bows keep in all of her secrets.

Speak of the Ruby

2012-01-09T15:45:00.002-05:00

Speak of the Ruby... and she shall appear. Wearing straight up pin cushions on her head. Wait, so they're ALL adopted?? Is the Wright family so effed up that they have to adopt good children to make their family photos look halfway-normal and non-cragglefaced? And I do mean halfway-normal. Look at these gals. It's like they're part of some cult/convent that forbids women to ever, under any circumstances, show their clavicle.

Oh Gosh, No!

2012-01-07T13:36:00.003-05:00

I love what Mim has going on in the first panel. She's being all coy, but she's about to let a huge cat out of the bag. And not just an ordinary house cat, it's a straight up jungle panther about to BLOW LU ANN'S MIND! You just have to get Lu Ann's mind warmed up first. It's just like my old desktop computer. It took at least three minutes to start and then once it got up and running you couldn't go to websites with too much information or it froze and you had to CTRL+ALT+delete that piece. But it had a really pretty desktop background!

RUBY?!? Really?!? But Lu Ann doesn't like to wear bows in her hair!

The Whole Story

2012-01-06T10:39:00.005-05:00

Oh my goodnes. Ohhhhh my goodness. Are we going to find out Lu Ann is adopted?? Are we?? Are we are we are we?? (I thought I predicted this a while ago, but apparently Ken did, not me. Bonus points to Ken!) Otherwise, this is a pretty weird, convoluted backstory to plop on us. Like, who the heck is Dr. Howard? Is Janey Mim's birth mother or Dr. Howard's wife? And who cares?

Mim telling Lu Ann she's adopted would have the added benefit of Lu Ann equally shocking Mim by telling her she's adopted today. I predict Saturday's strip will play out like this:

First Panel
Mim: No, I meant that you're adopted!!
Lu Ann: (bobbles violently) Huh??!

Second Panel
Both: Wait, I'm adopted?? (more bobbling)

Third panel
Both: (faint, heels up in the air)
Hilarious sound effect: BOOM

Mim's Mom

2012-01-05T13:48:00.004-05:00

Score, she is Janey's daughter!

Comment on Janey #1: I think you always know which Janey is going to show up. The hideous, craggleface one. (Shout out to Megan)

Comment on Janey #2: "She literally couldn't have been nicer. I mean, she called me a whore and said my daughter was the anti-Christ, but she did say good morning, so I think that's just about her capacity for human kindness."

Comment on Janey #3: Someone mated with that thing???

More on Mim

2012-01-04T15:05:00.003-05:00

Megan, those are excellent theories of the existence of Mim. Here's what I actually know about her. She is Lu Ann's niece who, back in 2005, showed up to Apartment 3-G as a PREGNANT TEEN! Annnd then she had the baby (Lili, I guess?) and left. It was kind of more exciting that that to hear Josh tell it, you can read his recap on the Comics Curmudgeon page here: http://joshreads.com/?p=12147 (scroll down)

Anyway, what this means is that

Mim could be Craggleface Janey's daughter!

Mim is def younger than Lu Ann (child-raising ages a woman)

Lili is approaching seven years old, so they're going slow and steady putting her in daycare. No need to rush these things! Either that or, you know, the A3G Time Warp. I guessssssss... that's more likely.

The Emancipation of Mim

2012-01-03T21:59:00.005-05:00

Whoa there, Sandy Koufax! That is a curve ball. Who thought we were going to get a storyline about Lu Ann's family? I hope her hag sister comes back! I'll be this "Mim" is hag sister's daughter! I mean obviously Janey was much, much, much older than Lu Ann, so it would make sense that Lu Ann would be an aunt to a woman who:

A) appears to be the exact same age and...
B) looks just like Aunt Iris without glasses/wrinkle lines.

But seriously, what the hell kind of name is Mim? Is it a typo? Should it be Mimi? After 40 years, are they just out of names for characters? It would figure that Lu Ann's horrible family would give one of their own a terrible half-name like Mim. I'll bet old craggleface came up with that one herself. Blogger doesn't want craggleface to be a word, but I'm coining it!

Fresh Start in the New Year

2012-01-03T13:59:00.004-05:00

Well. I guess we're officially never going to see Paul Linski and the Linskettes ever again. Lu Ann may have no regrets, but I will really miss ragging on Paul and his overbearing family. I think all the 3G are single at this point, which means... time for a LAAAAAAAAADIES' NIIIIIIIIIGHT~! Am I right?

Ho-Ho-Hobotramp

2012-01-03T09:21:00.004-05:00

Monday's strip coming soon (running late!), but in the meantime, enjoy this photoshopped masterpiece I made but never posted back in Hobotramp Dan's heyday. I think I was saving it for Christmas because Santa Claus is in it, but then of course it has nothing to do with the holidays at all.

That's What Friends Are For

2012-01-01T23:48:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year to all of our loyal readers! We took a few days off to spend with friends and family, but 2012 is here and we're ready to spend another year (or until the Mayan apocalypse) with the Margo, Tommie and Lu Ann. I predict we'll maybe get through four storylines all year.

Friday, December 30th

Is Queen Bee coming? Because I don't really want to get bogged down in that storyline if we're going to get cheated out of more Queen Bee. This strip is great for so many reasons. Margo's narcissism is pitch perfect. If you really hate being immodest then you wouldn't say things like "I'm amazing!" Maybe we can all learn from Margo's self confidence. Also, Lu Ann has the perfect look of panic in the last panel. Like she was secretly hoping that Margo and Tommie would forget about her news, but Margo puts her right on the spot. You can see her holding back her worry bobble.

Saturday, December 31st

Atta girl, Lu Ann, just tear it right off like a Band Aid. Didn't Tommie like Paul? Did she even meet him? Tommie and Lu Ann really did not want to go to/be in this wedding. So that's the final nail in the coffin I believe, everyone can mail back the blenders the bought as gifts. What do you think that we'll follow next: Tommie's new 8-track album or Margo's star-studded opening?

Rich and Famous

2011-12-29T10:36:00.004-05:00

Great! Now, can you say:

George Clooney's cousin, Fred Clooney?

George Clooney's personal assistant, Ms. Ellen Whitaker?

George Clooney's accountant, Yuri Golub?

George Clooney's cat, Friedrick von Whiskers?

George Clooney's friend's cousin, Richard Damon?

George Clooney's incorrigible next-door-neighbor, Skeeter McGraw?

ALL THE STARS WILL BE THERE, TOMMIE. You might want to bring a couple extra video tapes of your album. You know, JIC.

A Blast from the When?

2011-12-28T13:34:00.004-05:00

Allright, Tommie is holding a box--a box so aptly labelled "Tommie"--that is far larger than anything used to record music on in the last, mm, thirty years? It's way too big to even be a tape casette. It could be a VHS tape. It could be an 8-track. It might even be a Super Nintendo cartridge. My hypothesis: that's what Frank Bolle thinks an MP3 looks like.

I'm just kidding, of course. There's no way Frank Bolle has heard of MP3s.

I just looked it up, the Frank is 87 years old. 87!! Half of me is like, "Man, that guy is doing it! These are some damn fine drawings for an 87-year-old." The other half is like, "Adults don't wear Peter Pan collars! Tommie looks like a man! What could possibly be in that box she's holding?? WHAT IS GOING ON!!"

Follow-up Post: There's No Hope with Dope

2011-12-27T11:15:00.003-05:00

Holiday Catch-up

2011-12-27T10:23:00.006-05:00

Ho ho ho! Merrrrrrry holidays! Yup, it's that time of year where everyone lets loose and stops paying attention to the blog for a week or so. Oh, I suppose visiting family is more important than Lu Ann's collapsed engagement? Well, fine, Casey and Megan. Have your "priorities." But me, I'm back at work and ready to take a break from cleaning out my email. Let's catch up!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Tch. That psychic had a name you know. And it was Laura. Madame Laura. And yeah, you're a dope, but I commend you for describing yourself with such a great, underused word. Dope!

Monday, December 26, 2011

I have to admit, I feel for Lu Ann here. Pretty much the only reason I would want to salvage my relationship with Icky Paul and the Linskiettes would be to avoid the scornful mockery of Margo.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Tommie's back! We're done with the Lu Ann plot! Yay! However, someone will have to break it to Tommie and Margo that being mistaken for Justin Beiber does not a recording star make. Sad.

She Rings a Bell

2011-12-23T12:12:00.003-05:00

"Someone who understands me and won't judge me." Well, Margo is right out, obviously, but I'm surprised Tommie wasn't a consideration? Maybe "and won't bore me to death" was one of the implicit considerations. What about the Professor? Where the heck has he been? The last time we saw him was Christmas of last year, for a hot second. He's hanging around inside his apartment, dusting off the bookcases, just itching to give someone advice.... I guess ever since he got involved with Bobbie "the Bobble" Merrill, no one's really wanted his advice.

Also, did someone mention Ru-Lu fan SLASH?? ...no? Cause... I guess this is as appropriate time to bring it up as any.

I Believe in Angels

2011-12-22T10:02:00.004-05:00

A sudden flash of insight? So, Gary Powers really was trolling around in heaven/the afterlife/between incarnations, just waiting for the right time to reveal that yes, he totally is dead, and haunt Lu Ann's dreams like, don't get married to that shlub, you can do better, GF! "He always was protective of me... like that time he used his ghost powers to have that junkie kill my ex-boyfriend. I miss Alan, but I have to admit, it was kind of cool."

A Weight Has Been Lifted

2011-12-21T10:06:00.000-05:00

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Have we really disposed with Paul Linski and the Linskiettes THAT QUICKLY? I mean, you kind of liked him, right? Maybe just not enough to move into one of multiple houses right away? Give the guy a chance! Think of Wally! Will no one think of the children??

Uh seriously, there's no B-plot to speak of, and no swinging Christmas Eve party to crash. I think we're just going to follow around Lu Ann for a couple of weeks until someone shows up to 3G to register their disappointment in Tommie again. Yep, just weeks of Lu Ann stumbling down the streets, bumping into strangers and thinking "Gorsh! I almost got married. Thank goodness my dad-to-be dug up the scandalous fact that I'm a secret widow, or I might be pregnant right now!"

P.S. I'm a Secret Widow would be a great reality show.

We'll Always Have Hoboken

2011-12-20T21:56:00.002-05:00

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, gooodbye! Don't let that park bench hit you in the ass on your way out...I'm actually a little disappointed that Paul isn't putting up more of a fight. What happened to "I have Lu Ann, and she's the best!" and your mild to moderate stalking? You're not even going to try to work it out?

"Two days ago, I was ready to marry you whilst wearing a modest, Victorian chastity dress and eagerly anticipating a move to Hoboken. I was ready to immediately have a baby (disregarding the laws of nature and gestation), leave that baby safely ensconced in the nursery you creepily pre-assembled, and commute via bridge and/or tunnel into the big city so that I could continue to give the world the gift of my squiggle art. I was prepared to live communally with your entire family in a sheltered compound, where I would lose all autonomy. But do you really think it's wise to see each other again?"

So What Do We Do Now?

2011-12-19T01:28:00.003-05:00

I thought we were on the same page with the in love/ready for babies/constructing covered walkway between our house and my parents' house. But I guess I was wrong. You and your urban feminist ways, I guess you expected me to just come up and ask you if you were ready for marriage/babies/my parents as your overlords. So what do we do now?

My guess: share one last lunch at the Olive Garden (unlimited salad and breadsticks), where they'll discuss how they're going to break the news to Wally.

You know what happens when you assume...

2011-12-17T12:10:00.002-05:00

I can't believe Papa Linski would be like "Oh Paul! Bee tee dubs, before I forget, again, the love of your life was married seven years ago to a guy named Gary." And leave his beloved, golden haired son to believe that somewhere out there was a completely alive Gary Powers. A brown haired, orange jacket and black shirt wearing, piano affixer Gary Powers.

Yes Lu Ann, he doesn't know you at all. It's almost like he sees you as some two-dimensional cartoon version of the perfect woman.

Gary, Huh?

2011-12-16T09:32:00.003-05:00

Originally I was going to make fun of Paul for being uncommonly affected and hurt by the name "Gary," buuut... when I think about it, I think I get the sentiment. It's like if I found out my boyfriend was married to a girl named Tiffany. No offense to all the Tiffanies out there, but I'd be like "TIFFANY?? Oh come on. No. You did NOT marry a Tiffany. Ugh. Who were you??"

Likewise, I am sure all the Tiffanies out there would react similarly if they found out their man had been married to a Maggie. "Maggie? Maggie? You married a dumpy Scottish chick??"

Private joke: it took me a long time to remember Casey's name, so I used to call her Tiffany. Or was it Stephanie? I can't even remember her fake name.

You only background check the ones you love

2011-12-15T19:59:00.003-05:00

Why? Hmm... could it be that she's not over her dead husband? Or she's a compulsive liar? Or is it that she knew you were a possessive, jealous (even of dead guys), and from the looks of it, potentially violent mama's boy who would overreact at the thought of his fiancee having touched another man, ever? It's OK LuAnn, just ask Paul, "Why didn't you tell me your parents were so suspicious and crazy?" Though, I guess she should have assumed they would do a background check before letting just anybody into their cult.

Lies Lies Lies Yeahh

2011-12-14T09:23:00.003-05:00

"You're wrong, Paul! I never lied to you, in actual words, about stuff you knew about! But I should tell you about this weird dream I had last night. My old husband was in it! You know, my old husband? I just found out he died! .........oh I see what you're getting at."

I'm Angry!!!

2011-12-13T21:08:00.004-05:00

Uh, is it the economy? Afghanistan? Long harbored resentment for the Netflix price increase? Paul's so angry his hair has gone highlighter yellow, while Lu Ann has gone into a full, preemptive worry bobble. I can only hope this break up is swift, so we can finally see what Tommie is up to.

Please Leave a Message-Beep

2011-12-12T10:25:00.003-05:00

Let's file this one under "more creepy things my perfect boyfriends says." By the way, pretty sure this is not how cell phone voicemail works.

Cold Feet

2011-12-09T10:28:00.005-05:00

I like how Margo is totally scandalized! "Wait a second, I finally approved of this and you're going to THROW IT ALL AWAY?? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, LU ANN?! That I CAN'T convert your room into my personal gym?? I ALREADY ORDERED AN ELLIPTICAL MACHINE, so you'd better DRINK SOME MILK and GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT!!"

Looks like the wedding will be called off due to natural causes (e.g. Lu Ann's deep down flightiness). So, no grusome end for the Linski clan? Shucks.

Boo!

2011-12-08T20:59:00.003-05:00

"It'll pass, kind of like my face is passing from my skull." Seriously, is her face melting? Maybe it's horrified at what Margo has become - a supportive, encouraging person - that it is leaving to find a new host.

By the way, now that we know Gary's dead, I'm hoping he'll haunt Lu Ann like she's been haunted before. Oh, and Paul! I don't mean metaphorically. I mean like "boo, I'm haunting you!" Then Paul and the Linski collective will really turn and run. They don't put up with that sort of fraternizing with the dead.

Major Gary

2011-12-07T09:38:00.004-05:00

Dear Mrs. Powers,

sor-rry, we have been way backed up lately, jumping in and out of Iraq and Afghanistan, and then that whole Arab Spring thing happened, plus Libya, and just everyone was distracted. But enough about us.

U.S. Army Air Force Major Gary Powers has been declared killed in action. Like, a while ago. We are so sorry. We will send you his remaining possessions, including his Athens Summer Olympics hand towel and his Ashlee Simpson Autobiography CD. He sure did love that CD. And youuu...!

Take care,

Your friends at the U.S.Army Air Force

Okay, I don't really know how the U.S. Army Air Force operates, their letters are probably a little nicer than that. In any case, that kind of nips the "dramatic soap opera reentrance" in the bud... UNLESS THERE'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY. Oooh!

Morning of Memories

2011-12-06T19:35:00.003-05:00

I wish that I would wake up from a nightmare/roommate having a nightmare with my hair perfectly coiffed, eye makeup that highlights my eyes but isn't too heavy, and pouty, dew touched lips. First, if my roommate was having night terrors, I would, 95% of the time, sleep through it. Second, if actually awakened, I would have a full head of frizz and spend the first two minutes of being awake fumbling for my glasses, which were probably on my face when I fell asleep, and thus the entire night was spent crushing them out of shape before knocking them into a crevasse somewhere in the bed vicinity.

Ooo, so Gary disappeared before being declared dead/his whereabouts are still unknown? That opens up some interesting possibilities. He could pull a soap opera return from the dead and fight Paul to win back Lu Ann's heart. Or he's just dead and we're going to spend these next few weeks watching Lu Ann mope about it while Paul slowly backs out of this.

I've Been There

2011-12-05T06:34:00.000-05:00

We can never see below these ladies' armpits, but it's pretty obvious Margo is folding her arms as she delivers that line in the second panel. And with a smile! "Dead lover nightmares? You can bet I've been there, girlfriend! Ha ha! Ha...." Meanwhile, Lu Ann is serving up some major Ann-Margret/Natalie Wood. Looking good!

Only in Dreams

2011-12-04T22:53:00.004-05:00

Oh Margo, it's like the software that pairs emotions with the proper facial expression was being updated when you were awakened by Lu Ann's night terrors. Poor Tommie is even losing strip time comforting Lu Ann, which she would be way better than Margo at. Maybe she's at the hospital nursing an orphan.

If this were an episode of Golden Girls, this nightmare would lead to a late night cheesecake party and some Old World Sophia wisdom. Unfortunately, this is just the opening act to a long, slow story about the Gary Powers we never got to know. But now I am hungry for cheesecake.

Hold Me Close, Tiny Gary

2011-12-02T09:27:00.004-05:00

Oh my gosh, Lu Ann DOES care about Gary! ..........you know, Gary? Good ol' Gar! I guess that's the name of her dead fighter pilot husband, who she hasn't mentioned for 35 years. But what if she's talking about Tommie's old flame?? That would be totally scandalous! And weird. That guy was icky.

Well, so with the "Dream of Death" (something Margo's well versed in), I guess we're implying that Lu Ann is still hung up on her dead husband? And she didn't tell Paul about her previous marriage not because it took place decades ago and it doesn't matter to her anymore/it's all in the past/she genuinely forgot, but because she's ummmmmm deceptive? Being coy? I don't buy it. Lu Ann has like zero guile. Maybe Margo can give her some tips after she finishes screaming at Lu Ann for waking her up.

Let's Do the Time Warp

2011-12-01T20:08:00.008-05:00

She probably just hasn't had time to bring it up, Paul.

I wish the question had been one of the ones you folks came up with yesterday, but this is pretty fascinating. They're putting an actual timeframe on the time warp that these people live in. Does anyone know when she actually married her first husband? In the 60s? And apparently I'm too bad at math to figure out the ratio of A3G years to real years, but uh... it's kind of staggering right?

I would love this to wind up being the case, but I guess they'll just make up some story about how her husband died that doesn't take place in the Vietnam era. But really, wouldn't everything make so much more sense if it was still, like, the 70s in A3G world?

I hope in this version, Margo murders Gary. Nobody breaks up their little apartment... nobody. So watch yourself, Paul.

Mistakes Were Made

2011-11-30T00:17:00.007-05:00

Okay everyone, I'm back! First of all, if you haven't read Megan's hilarious review of the past four days in A3G History, you should definitely check that out first.

On to today!

Oh my gosh, what a tease. First you say you've run a background check on Lu Ann, and then you report NONE OF THE FINDINGS?? For shame. I mean, what can it possibly say? "Reports indicate she totally hated her hair after her I Dressed in the Dark makeover."

..........I mean, I guess she KIND OF dated a junkie for a few years, but that was pretty on-again, off-again. And by "off-again" I mean "he died." Also, she got kidnapped by a ghost that one time? I can only hope that shows up in the background check.

Any takers on what Papa Linski's question is going to be? "Do you know what color Lu Ann's eyes are?" "Did you know Lu Ann's related to a underbridge-dwelling troll?" "Have you started saving for Paul Jr.'s college fund yet?" etc. etc.

Meanwhile, in New Jersey

2011-11-29T22:18:00.009-05:00

So it looks like we took a little Thanksgiving hiatus here at the old blogspot. Hope you all had a relaxing, gluttonous holiday and a joyful day of pepper spraying your fellow shoppers for discounted merchandise!

We've got a lot to recap, so let's get to it!

Thursday, November 25th

OK, it's one thing to paint the extra room a pastel color just in case you decide to use it as a nursery, but to go out and buy a crib before you even get married? That's a dealbreaker (don't sue me Tina Fey). Is Paul's dad supposed to look worried in the second panel? I would have thought he was having a stroke. Don't worry, Lu Ann's the best*!!

*The veracity of this claim has not yet been scientifically proven.

Friday, November 25th

Hey there Gene! Just so you know, I've been working on this blog for like a year and I don't really know Lu Ann Powers all that well. There's really not much more than meets the eye. Have you bought a squiggle painting yet? I'm pretty sure the explanation is in there somewhere.

At least Paul agrees with me that his dad is acting a little creepy. Or at least Paul's eyebrows in the first panel and the black hole creeping in on the right side of the strip agree with me.

Monday, November 28th

Oh boy, this Lu Ann thing is killing old man Linski. He has aged twenty years in three strips! The Linskis have two rules. Number one, always make life changing decisions without consulting your significant other/family member. Number two, it is unnatural to want to live more than two houses away from your immediate family and reflects poorly upon your moral character. The Linski Congress is considering adding a rule (Number three, always wear white shirts), but they're not sure they can get it past Wally's subcommittee.

Tuesday, November 29th

Paul, you should have seen this coming! It's Linski Rule #1! But it is a little crazy. I mean did the Linskis even ask Lu Ann about her family? Paul's so mad he's developing a hunch, and that hunch is bobbling!

Maggie and Casey, you're welcome.

Family Plot

2011-11-23T08:27:00.002-05:00

This fairly obvious exposition is made a little more interesting by Ruby's shrinking head and giant hand. Buuut, not much. May I instead use this opportunity to say how thankful I am that I do not have Lu Ann's family. They really seem like a bag of nuts. I think the "Lu Ann's adopted" theory has real merit, except that it seems a lot like the "Margo's a love child" storyline, which happened not long ago. I'd take it though!

Speaking of thankfulness, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Hope you're all happy, healthy and safe. I'm thankful to still have an audience after what.... almost three years? We're doing it, guys! Together! Thanks!

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

2011-11-22T21:22:00.002-05:00

Dear mystery colorist,

I know you think you're toiling away in obscurity and you can just do what ever you want because no one notices. Like making a ribbon fuchsia in one panel and white in the next. I know you went to a fancy, expensive art school and you dreamed that one day you would be done up like the Mona Lisa in a modern art/pop art/performance art conceptualization at a Soho gallery, not coloring by numbers. But isn't there something to be said for giving it your all?

XOXO,
Megan

I finally feel like a character in the strip agrees with me. Lu Ann's sister is a mess. I would say a hot mess, but that just seems cruel. A haggard mess?

Soup By the Door

2011-11-21T07:41:00.002-05:00

Oh Ruby! You and your soup. Soup that you carry around in a tiny little ice bucket. How does she just assume that the person in there crying her eyes out is Lu Ann? I mean, Tommie lives there too, it could just as easily be her. I mean, more easily! SUPER easily!

Pretty Little Lu Ann

2011-11-19T19:51:00.000-05:00

First of all, may I express my sincere delight at the appearance Crazy Janey! (she's troubled) I was just thinking about her! Every now and then, it's like Margaret Shulock and I are on the same wavelength. It's a little scary at times, as I'm sure it is for Margaret.

May I also admit that I am sincerely disturbed by Janey? The writing is good and creepy, but I also have to give some props to Frank Bolle on this one. Lu Ann getting chewed out over the phone for no good reason could've easily been hilarious (it still kinda is), but he made it into something warty, sweaty, and uncomfortable. Janey calling from a Zack Morris-style cell phone adds to the pathos.

That said, I read A3G for the laffs, not the pathos. I hope Janey takes a page from the Bobbie Merrill playbook and starts pilling up and shaking all about. Ah Bobbie, I miss ya.

Family Ties

2011-11-18T22:56:00.004-05:00

Technically, the trip would be to Hoboken, which I imagine has cheaper hotel rates than Manhattan. Did you even check Priceline.com? William Shatner has led me to believe that whatever you want to pay for a trip is what it costs!

What on earth could have possibly happened between Lu Ann and her family? All the "drama" in this strip is so milquetoast that it's probably something super lame that we'll build up to until early 2012, when it will collapse like a bad souffle. Are they jealous of her golden locks and unaged complexion?

Well I Am Sure Happy, Janey

2011-11-17T21:42:00.004-05:00

Holy crap holy crap! I feel like I hit the jackpot here, but I have no idea how to spend money so I'm just going to blow it all in one place and say something stupid like OMG LU ANN'S SISTER IS A HIDEOUS WITCH. And may actually be a witch, since she is somehow able to make Lu Ann's phone ring more insistently than I've seen a phone ring in this strip.

I feel guilty getting this strip, because I'm so ADD that I can't tell whether to focus on the sister, or that Lu Ann is suddenly a mannequin in the second panel.... or what. I mean, did her sister age in real time while the rest of this strip was stuck in place?

OK, I am going to open this up for a free-for-all so everyone else can have fun with it too. Some suggested sentence starters: "Janey is as ugly as a...." or "Janey has as many warts as..." or maybe "Lu Ann looks like she's had something stuck up her..."

Kissing Cousins

2011-11-16T08:09:00.007-05:00

Whuh oh, Paul. Looks like Lu Ann's giving all her smooches to Ruby. Not good news for you, pal. Or "Master of Puppets" Mama Linski. I try to keep this blog pretty PG but... I mean, that's pretty racy for 3G. PRETTY RACY. I'm pretty sure in Apartment 3G, a kiss on the cheek is second base, maybe third. I think Lu Ann's just lashing out against the establinskiment; as for Ruby, there are three ways to interpret her expression in the second panel: 1. agape 2. eros 3. straight-up sleepiness (it was a long day)

The Right White Dress

2011-11-15T19:10:00.003-05:00

For all the talk about how Frank Bolle has been phoning in the artwork, I have to say there are interesting and subtle nuances to this strip. Note that Lu Ann is shrouded in white on one side of the panels, whilst Paul stands opposite, her in a doorway that leads into darkness. The darkness of a Linksi future in Hoboken, perchance? In the final panel, they are separated by Ruby, who is perhaps the pink personification of Lu Ann's yet unspoken doubts.

Can you tell that I went to a liberal arts school, and that I've run out of humorous observations about this unending storyline?

Just Let Her Say Yes to the GD Dress!!

2011-11-14T07:43:00.001-05:00

Look, it's really precious and all, but I don't know how Lu Ann is going to fit into that adorable tiny little dress. And aren't we taking this "Lu Ann as the Linkski's doll/puppet/plaything" metaphor a little far?

Say Yes to the Dress so we can move on already

2011-11-13T17:59:00.005-05:00

Friday, October 11, 2011

Okay, so as mrvy pointed out in the previous post's comments, Paul might have a legitimate reason to have some say in Lu Ann's attire on wedding day. And he can't possibly call or text, he has to tell her in person. Right now. Of course.

Saturday, October 12, 2011

That said, when a bride is wearing her dress, most gals want to hear their grooms say that they look "beautiful" rather than gush that they look "modest in every way!!" Ruby gives no reason as to why she's crying. If I were Lu Ann, I would press for details. I think maybe she's shopping for dresses at the same bridal chain Adrian Corey was.

I Must Control This!

2011-11-11T19:20:00.003-05:00

"And by wrong dress, I mean any dress. Because obviously you are going to wear Mother's wedding dress. In fact, I brought you some of her clothes to wear so you'll smell like her. Don't you think your hair should be greyer?"

Say YES!!! to the Dress

2011-11-09T07:26:00.004-05:00

MY GOD LU ANN WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF SOCIALIST HIPPY FREAK?? Of course the dress is that important. It's like you've never been married before. How about you try to find something like that peasant shirt you're rocking, except one that goes all the way to the ground? Something that says "Bohemian meets Hoboken."

Say Yes to the Dress

2011-11-08T22:13:00.003-05:00

Wow, who thought we were actually going to get to see Lu Ann try on dresses? Or that Lu Ann was going to bring the twins out shopping? I'm going to go out a limb and say this is the first time that cleavage has been featured in this strip. Also, I would say that it smallest line ever drawn to represent cleavage. I wonder what the name of this store is? Victorian Secret?

Ruby-Watch

2011-11-07T10:36:00.004-05:00

Ruby may be unphased by the oft-hurtful "are you her mother?" comment, but her world has been rocked by Lu Ann's unbridled thoughtlessness regarding the design of her wedding dress. It is a little surprising, Lu Ann seems like the kind of gal who dreams about her wedding day... and in fact, she has been married before (Lu Ann Powers, nee Wright), so that should give her a few thoughts about how to approach the event. But nooooo, she had to throw Ruby into a swively, bobbly catatonic state. Just look at her. Will she ever recover? We can only watch and pray.

You'll Love David's Bridal

2011-11-06T17:41:00.004-05:00

Friday November 4, 2011

Sugar, are you trying to tell me that Paul is a weird Oedipal oaf and deep down you think you're making a huge mistake marrying him? ...No? You're just worried about the dress? Whoops, sorry! Did that come off as TERRIBLE AND BITCHY? You know us Texas ladies, not a thread of tact strung up in our magenta hair.

Saturday November 5, 2011

I though Lu Ann's mom was institutionalized or something crazy like that, but I think actually Lu Ann's sister was institutionalized (or something) and Mrs. Lu Ann is taking care of her. Or something. Here's the only strip I could find about it, back when Lu Ann was hanging out with her pops up in South Dakota. Funny she didn't want to spend more time out there!

March 2, 2009

Yawn...

2011-11-06T13:00:00.005-05:00

Thursday update

So, things have been kind of crazy, which is why I spaced on my Thursday update... but honestly, it's about how tired Lu Ann is? That's really lame. I'm just hoping one day really does matter, and then we see stuff really go down with Lu Ann's family.

Bridge and Tunnel Man

2011-11-02T09:25:00.003-04:00

I had to Google "bridge and tunnel man" to find out it wasn't some kind of backhanded compliment about Paul's blue-collar hardworking values. "Bridge and tunnel" actually refers to people who commute into Manhattan, for work or pleasure! Isn't that a fun little fact? I love it when A3G teaches me things. Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's coming from Hoboken! It's... BRIDGE AND TUNNEL MAN!!

In the beginning...

2011-11-01T23:06:00.005-04:00

Pay no attention to this salty droplet creeping down my face. I'm not really crying! I guess I never really pictured Lu Ann as the youngin' of the group. Clearly Margo is the oldest, but Tommie seems more like the young one to me. Maybe that's just because she's been in a Peter Pan wardrobe phase this week. The important thing is that both Tommie and Margo were really hesitant to bring her on board as a roomie, but then financial necessity and a complete lack of other applicants guided their hands. What a wonderful friendship genesis story! I wonder if it's accurate? Maggie, to the archives!

Beer Tears

2011-10-31T16:04:00.003-04:00

Well, Tommie, your wish is granted! A second bottle of wine. Allright, now we're having fun! Everyone's loosening up annnnnnnd now you're crying. "I'm going to miss Lu Ann so much! -sniff- She's like a sister to me and MY CAREER IS GOING DOWN THE TUBES and I hope you'll come back and visit and RICK-E ISN'T ATTRACTED TO ME, NO ONE IS and -sniff- what color bridesmaids dresses was Mrs. Linski thinking?"

Saturday Recap

2011-10-29T15:02:00.004-04:00

Friday, October 28th

I want whatever drugs Margo got from Queen Bee. In the first panel, she is on cloud nine, walking up the street talking aloud, to herself about how happy she is. Then stupid Lu Ann walks right up to her and brings up what should be a sore subject, namely Lu Ann's lack of proper respect for and dedication to Art Without Rules, and Margo completely lets it slide/seems to have forgotten why she would have been so upset with Lu Ann.

Saturday, October 29th

Lu Ann, she's forgiven you, stop trying to goad her into attacking you. Just toss that salad and shut up! Can you watch it on the web? Does Apartment 3G even have a high speed internet connection? I bet they're working with dial up at best. Was Tommie just in that dark, adjacent room alone, drinking wine? "I'm so relieved that Hobo Dan has put me aside like a piece of discarded trash :::gulp::: I never wanted to be the star, the center of attention :::gulp gulp::: I just want to be Tommie the boring red headed nurse who isn't get married or a huge public relations success :::gulp gulp gulp::: Is this the only bottle of wine we have?"

Poor Trey

2011-10-27T22:44:00.003-04:00

I'm not quite sure how I can follow the Spaghetti Song. I really think Maggie should record that for us all to hear. Come on, Mags.

Anyway, who's that guy Margo's talking to? Is that Rick? He gets around. Oh wait no, that's Trey. Remember Trey? I don't know when he last appeared, but I'd estimate it was probably like, July? I know it was before Margo's storyline took a detour from her "love" life and into Art Without Rules, and subsequently pretty much completely disappeared while Lu Ann's romance and Tommie's inevitably failed career took over (mostly the Lu Ann thing). So he's basically a double-reject from A3G. Oh, wait, make that triple-reject. Ouch, Margo. He just weaseled his way back into the plot, the least you could do is let him stick around for dinner.

Ambivalent

2011-10-26T17:19:00.000-04:00

"Are you sure you want a career in song-writing, Tommie? Cause award-winning multi-millionaire producer Hobotramp Dan is getting a little impatient."
"I think I want to write songs, and yet--"
"Good enough for me! Gotta go, it's 5:00 somewhere."

For the record, Tommie, it's totally easy to write songs. I do it all the time, usually when driving or cooking. Check out this song I wrote last night, called "Makin' Spaghetti."

Ooh girl
I'm so hungry
Think it's time to do this thing
Gotta (bump bump) salt the water
Cause it's time, oh yeah,
Time to eat some food

Makin' (beat) SPAGHETTTTTIII
Cook it up good, now, come on!
Makin' (beat) SPA-GHE-TTIIIIIIIIIII
I should heat up some sauce too (yeah)
Now where'd I put that Prego (yeaahh)
Oh wait, it was growing mold and then I threw it ouuuut, ow

I mean, you put in the word "love" instead of "spaghetti" and that's R&B gold.

Oh, what a relief it is!

2011-10-25T22:51:00.003-04:00

Whoa there, Rick! Keep your hands to yourself. You and Tommie can't date because you don't have the same exact hair color. However, he and Paul do go to the same stylist. Power outfit = blue blazer with a crisp white shirt, top button undone.

I guess we're excited that your poor vagabond aunt spent all that money on a fancy piano so that you could realize after two months that singing and performing is cutting in to saving children's lives?

Boys on the Stoop

2011-10-24T23:28:00.000-04:00

Our long national nightmare is over; we are done hearing about Lu Ann's wedding. For now. And hey, look, it's Rick, AKA Rick-E from the Boys on the Block! The last time we saw him was back in April, and I just assumed, as I do with all Z-list celebrities I haven't seen in a while, that he had scampered off to rehab or joined Dancing with the Stars or something. But no, he's just kicking around New York City, being disappointed in Tommie. Nice hair by the way.

Meanwhile, Margo is (I'm guessing) spray painting midgits and setting Bibles on fire over in Chelsea, and this is going completely unrecorded. I guess documentation is only of the many Rules her Art exhibition is Without.

STILL MORE!

2011-10-22T16:27:00.005-04:00

Well! I bet you thought we were all finished covering this fascinating convo. I can't get enough though!

Friday October 21, 2011

Paul thinks guest lists are easy. Ruby doesn't. Next.

Saturday October 22, 2011

Paul thought Lu Ann's parents knew about the wedding, but they don't. Paul is hurt, and Lu Ann looks cheery.

Everything Is Lu Ann's Fault

2011-10-20T19:03:00.005-04:00

Yup, that's what marriage is Ruby. Duh. I hope you have a dowry ready, too.

The increasing likelihood that Lu Ann is going to dump Paul is sad to me in an admittedly morbid sense. I was hoping they'd find new and exciting ways to do away with the men in A3G. Oh, unless Ruby intervenes somehow, because Lu Ann is too weak to ever really dump him. Actually, she'd make the perfect trophy wife. She could be all done up like the Mona Lisa and everything. Won't you just let these two crazy kids be, Ruby??

Still Doing This!

2011-10-19T09:40:00.003-04:00

False alarm, everybody! False alarm. No one interesting coming in to crash this boring party. Just Paul. Also, if you thought Lu Ann and Ruby would have any visible reaction to Even More Linski Control of the wedding plans, you'd be wrong. Although they seem to have slipped into sychronized catatonic states. Paul can still see you, you guys! It's too late to pretend you're not there!

Anyway, what is there left to plan at this point? Hasn't Mama L taken care of everything? Is Paul just swinging by to let them know, yes, he's called in a reservation at his parents' house, it's all booked, no one worry.

Who's There?

2011-10-18T23:53:00.004-04:00

Zzzzzzz...:::knock at the door:: "What?!? Oh thanks be to heaven for having another character to interrupt this incredibly boring little plot line!" Seriously, we're missing Art Without Rules to watch these two not plan Lu Ann's wedding?!?!? Maybe no one is really knocking on the door, but the spray painters at Art Without Rules snuck into Ruby's office and painted a literal "knock knock" on her door, to symbolize modern life's media substitution for real human interaction.

More of This

2011-10-17T10:21:00.003-04:00

Friday October 14, 2011
Saturday October 15, 2011
Monday October 17, 2011

FIRST OF ALL, let me just say that I'm dismayed that we are still talking with Ruby about this whole wedding thing instead of watching Queen Bee smirk at her hoards of followers as the Mona Lisa. Queen Bee! The Mona Lisa! Done up! Jeez.

Second, I just remembered that Ruby is Lu Ann's wedding planner, so I guess this makes more sense. Buuut, Ruby, shouldn't you know about Lu Ann's crappy parents? Since you're, um, related to her?

Expository Flashback Time!

2011-10-13T21:17:00.003-04:00

He loves me, I love him, so I should totally give up all of my dreams, my friends, my career ambitions, and everything I know so that I can move with him to his parents' cult compound in Hoboken, right?

I am very excited for the potential of Ruby flashback here, but I have a feeling I'll be disappointed and she'll just yammer on a bit and we won't get to see her all young and in love, which I think would be amazing.

How to Succeed in New York Without Really Trying

2011-10-12T09:40:00.003-04:00

"Succeed" in this case being a kind of loose term for what Lu Ann is doing in New York right now. I think her last (rather qualified) success was probably the Great Note Card Debacle of 2010. Since then, I... I just don't know what she's been doing. Brushing her hair, for sure, but besides that, I don't know. Oh wait, she's been curating. That's it. Success!

P.S. Did someone order Lu Ann's head on a platter? Cause that's what she's serving up in the first panel.

Important Wedding Meetings!

2011-10-11T23:01:00.004-04:00

It took me a long time to think of what to write today, mostly because every time I close my eyes all I can see is a fuchsia haze. I'm also hoping that wasn't the only Queen Bee moment that we're going to have, because that was lame. Although it did spawn the new catchphrase "Done up like the Mona Lisa." Tell your friends and loved ones!

Oh good, Lu Ann is back on the Linski Kool-Aid. Nothing says you're making the right choice to marry someone like having to make awkward excuses and rationalizations to your friends and family.

Done Up Like the Mona Lisa!

2011-10-10T10:13:00.006-04:00

Well, I think we have a candidate for best panel of the year! And when I say "best," I really mean "most capable of disappointing and delighting me at the same time." THIS is Queen Bee? This?? It's just Margo with her bun down! I mean, she's not even wearing star-shaped sunglasses or anything. And don't tell me that's because she's done up like the Mona Lisa; just because you part your hair down the middle and smirk doesn't mean you're done up like the Mona Lisa! The Mona Lisa doesn't wear magenta!

I know this isn't fair, but just for comparison's sake, let's put them side by side, shall we?
The smirk is actually pretty good. But she should've shaved off her eyebrows. By the way, I just found out that I LOVE saying "done up like the Mona Lisa." I love it! I encourage you all to find a way to slip this into everyday conversation today.

Art Without Rules... is Almost Here!

2011-10-08T09:52:00.005-04:00

Hi everyone! Megan's probably not going to get out of bed today, on account of the Phillies mind-boggling lack of offense last night, so why don't I just take Friday as well?

Friday, October 7, 2011

Oh, it's Jo!! Remember Jo? No, not Joe of the Tazer Lady incident AKA Mean Joe Kelly, AKA "watch the jaw" Glass Joe. I mean Jo! ...Jo!! Guys? Remember? She uh... sheeee... well she's here now. I guess she's Queen Bee's agent? No need to introduce us, Margo. After all, there are no rules of etiquette!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

I'm creating a new tag called "off-panel excitement." I can't believe it hasn't occurred to me to create it earlier. The Piano, the deli meats, the arrest of Bobbi Bobbles... all handled off-panel. And just look at these guys today, spray-painting everything! Buildings, hot dogs, babies, nothing escapes their creative wrath! Just look at them! Or look at Jo pointing to them, isn't that just about as exciting? This way, to picture what they're doing, you can use your imagination, where everyone knows there are no rules!

Let Margo Be Margo

2011-10-06T09:25:00.005-04:00

I think Lu Ann's face is melting from shock in the last panel. Don't worry, Lu Ann, Tommie's an idiot. That can't possibly be it - this is Margo we're talking about.

It's possible she'll miss taunting and harassing Lu Ann, but otherwise, there are some much more likely reasons for her acting out:

1. She's jealous since her fiance died. (I think pretty recently, right? Like probably yesterday in 3G time)
2. She's actually upset that Lu Ann is skirting her responsibilities and that no one cares about the work she's put into this event.
3. She's upset that she's lost her virgin sacrifice to her gods and now has to start all over again. (Wanted: blonde roommate, airheaded and naive)
4. She's Margo

Work/Life/Queen Bee Balance

2011-10-05T08:39:00.004-04:00

At least one of us has her priorities straight: ZOMG, celebritiiiiiiies!!!!!!!!1! See you dopes later, I'll text you from the Boom Boom Room where I'll be sipping on Cristal with Queen Bee, Tiny Wayne, and London Tipton. Magee out!

I don't know who I side with on this one. It's entirely plausible Margo gave these girls zero notice and now expects them to just show up and wait on QB hand and foot, buuuuut.... if Queenie really is a celebrity on the level of Lady Gaga, I'd probably ditch work to hang out with her for a day, show her the cheapest places to buy a bottle of water, you know... hang.

Margo should've stipulated at least one rule of Art Without Rules: you have to show up.

Scrooged

2011-10-04T19:26:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that Margo doesn't even question Lu Ann saying that she has meetings all day. At best, Lu Ann is a semi-professional artist. In reality, the odds on Lu Ann saying "I have meetings all day" are about as equal as her saying "I'm thinking about going to graduate school to study astrophysics."

I guess Lu Ann isn't mad at Paul any more for randomly buying up all of Hoboken? Pressing on with those very important wedding meetings! At least you brought out Margo's true, delightful colors: self-absorbed and haughtily disdainful.

Today's the Day, Ladies!

2011-10-03T09:45:00.004-04:00

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, you guys. It's time for Art Without Rules!! And... somehow Lu Ann is involved? I mean, I didn't even know that, and I'm fairly certain I keep better tabs on Lu Ann's life than she does. Well, you know the first rule about Art Without Rules: there are no rules! Which means you can assign your roommate to head up the event without telling her and then get mad when she doesn't come through. Yes, you can do that, and it's okay, because there are no rules! Ha! Isn't this great you guys? Tommie, I hope you didn't forget that Margo secretly expects you to cater the event... without rules!

Sunday Recap

2011-10-02T22:56:00.006-04:00

Friday, September 3oth

"Quick, get the binoculars! They're right outside!" I'm surprised that the reason Poppa Linski is concerned about the relationship is that they're "so different." Really? I would have thought it would be that Paul is making major life decisions without consulting Lu Ann. Or that he has a mysterious source of income that allows him to be part of the landed gentry of Hoboken. Or that they barely know each other.

Saturday, October 1st"It's science, opposites attract!" Nothing could possibly go wrong spending the rest of your life with someone you have nothing in common with.I'll have to defer to Maggie for the full history of Lu Ann's family situation. I know she and her mother aren't close, but I don't know what her daddy issues are. "Stop your worrying, let's go get into our side by side bathtubs because I think we're running out of time for your current Cialis dose, Papa Bear"

Trouble in Paradise

2011-09-29T19:20:00.004-04:00

Now Paul, I know it's unfathomable, but not everyone is dying to live next to your family in Hoboken. And people actually do live in New York City.

But to be fair, Lu Ann, it's considered gauche to discuss your future during your first 3 dates, or during a proposal on your fourth date at his family reunion. You can't possibly have expected him to bring it up earlier.

But I can't believe the engagement might fall apart already. I thought for sure it would last longer than their relationship, at least a few weeks.

Whatever You Want

2011-09-28T06:46:00.005-04:00

Where is this money coming from, Paul? Property in New Jersey (especially so close to Manhattan) isn't cheap, no matter how the real estate market is trending. Still, there are scads of people lined up to buy this house... gotta move fast in real estate. I can just imagine the MLS Property Listing.

You will fall in love with this neighborhood!!!!!! And house. Charming two(-ish) story (faux) colonial in the heart of Hoboken. Less than five minutes from public transportation, Wawa, Mrs. Linski. Community laundry, carpooling, and chocolate chip cookies available next door.

On a positive note, I'm kind of in love with those warm brown line drawings of the houses. And you'd have to click on the image to see this, but I think they're coloring the leaves on the trees using a stroke instead of a fill? Pretty sophisticated techniques for our colorists, who just last week made Ruby's hair barf-colored.

Moving on Up

2011-09-27T22:02:00.003-04:00

I just took the initiative and made a major life decision without consulting you! Surprise! At least he bought at a time of historically low interest rates. Is this going to be the straw that breaks this relationship's back? Lu Ann looks somewhat pleased with herself in the final panel. "All I've ever wanted is a man to decide that we're living the rest of our lives together in Hoboken, right next to his family."

On a Block in New Jersey

2011-09-26T06:12:00.000-04:00

OH SNAP, Lu Ann is going to have to live on the Linski Compound!! Good twist. But um, what happened to that sweet little murder shack you were going to fix up, Paul? Isn't dad worried about your spending so much money? Maybe the murder shack will be Lu Ann's artist studio. You know, for when Lu Ann feels like getting away from it all/the vise-like grip of the Linski clan.

Under Pressure

2011-09-24T23:30:00.003-04:00

Meanwhile, at 3-G... Margo, after taking a break from being Margo, bravely continues to be Margo. How does she know about the surprise family proposal? It didn't seem like Lu Ann went into too much detail as she was running out the door to shout her betrothal from the rooftops/Ruby's apartment.

Anyway, it's nice to see Margo's back to her old judgy self, but she's going to be too busy with Q Bee to interfere with the wedding much. I'm with Megan, let's get that storyline cracking again! Tommie, you're dismissed, you may leave the apartment. Give legendary producer Hobo Dan Diller our regards.

The Wedding Planner

2011-09-23T22:57:00.003-04:00

I forgot that Ruby was Lu Ann's cousin. "I'd love to help! I've been spending a lot of time in my apartment, making my own hair bows, just letting life pass me by."

I wonder what the theme is going to be? White bows or pink? A wedding planning storyline is going to be boring. Where's that Queen Bee?

Family Ties

2011-09-22T22:14:00.005-04:00

I do love him. I mean, I know it's totally out of left field and I barely know him. I do love him. My gut reaction was to say no. But, really, I do love him. I do. Why are you looking at me like that?

Is anyone else concerned that this is leading up to some horrible big reveal, and it will turn out that Paul's mom really is Lu Ann's biological mom, who gave her up long ago to some ice queen of an adopted mom? I mean, they're running out of ways to dispense with love interests, aren't they? And, while this would be creepy, at least it (probably) wouldn't involve death.

The Return of Ruby!!

2011-09-21T09:52:00.007-04:00

Well! Ruby. Well. Uh. Okay. So I get that you're acting out. You haven't been in the strip for over a year and last we left you, you were rejected by the professor, romping around with some degenerate named Lyle, and not getting a makeover from I Dressed in the Dark. But wearing pirate shirts and dying your hair strange barfy colors isn't the solution! You may get attention, but is it the attention you really want? Is it? ...No really, is it? Is this the kind of thing "Lyle" is into? Barfy pirate role playing? Cause..... gross.