Need to Fill: Artist

Guys, I think today's strip might be Frank's plea to be allowed to retire in peace/humanely euthanized.  Lily is either suckling at Carol's teat or was drawn over after Frank realized that Tommie wasn't supposed to be having a conversation with the deer.  He also forgot to draw Tommie's right arm, and just slapped it on there at a weird angle. At least that's better than Tommie's face in the second panel, whichiws collapsing in on itself like a souffle in a cupboard.

I feel guilty even commenting on this anymore.  I just think of this poor old man being forced to draw torsos and terrier deer in a poorly lit room at Shady Pines.  Frank has a website, but his latest news was appearing at ComicCon in 2004.  I tried to join his mailing list, but it came up with a "page not found."  Check it out for yourself: www.frankbollestudio.com.  It's grim.

A Happy and Trusting Horse

I never thought I could help Mary (who's a mare, by the way, get it??), but look at her, Carol! Now she can stand near the fence and gaze mournfully in our direction as we refuse to come near her. She's doing great over there! And it's all thanks to Lily. I adopted a brindle terrier named Lily, by the way.

Beautiful Baby

Actual text I sent to Maggie and Megan this morning "Will this storyline please end merciful god"

Maggie says that should be my only commentary. I am more than happy to take that advice because WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE AND WHERE DID TOMMIE'S EYES GO????

I personally think Tommie should have continued the ruse - "What do you mean, a deer? THIS IS MY BABY AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!" Mostly because after this little misunderstanding, I imagine Tina would just go back to her small town gossip. But if she thinks Tommie's legit psycho, she'll be out of there in a hot minute.

Stable Mates

Um, it's not that weird for a baby deer to be friends with a horse.  I mean they both have four legs, hooves, eat lots of vegetation...A baby deer and a great white shark being friends, that would be remarkable.   Maybe this means Old Lu Ann and Tommie will be fast friends...

I Work Her Hard

LILY LIVES! Phew! Also, Lily has the exact same thoughts and feelings as Tommie? ....phew?

Work Will Set You Free

Oh, Jack.  It's probably not a great idea to employ a veterinary assistant with no animal medicine qualifications and who locks her orphan fawn in the car without even cracking the window!  Also, if you're looking for someone with a strong work ethic, Tommie hasn't reported to work in over a year.  Seems like a solid plan.

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn

All I could think of when I saw this strip was Lily in the shower when suddenly, the curtain gets pulled back and she sees Norman Bates as "Mother".  Cue the music and bleats of terror.

Losing Control

Thursday April 10, 2014

Uh, whoa, didn't hear the good doctor mention the E word, he's just a proponent for putting wild animals back in the wild. Because no one wants them for pets. Because they're not very good pets. And super annoying. Sound like someone you know, Tommie? Someone named, you?

Friday April 11, 2014

Okay, whatever, I'm fine with this because NOW, things are going to get zany! Lily's going to pee on something, or fly through the windshield because she forgot to buckle her seatbelt, or SOMETHING, and Tommie will be forced to come crawling back to Dr. I-already-forgot-his-name. Paul Linski?

Everybody Needs Something

AN HOUR LATER?? Tommie "helped Jack with the colt" (whatever that means) for AN HOUR before even bringing up why you're here?? My god, Tommie, you idiot, Lily's not hungry, she just ATE THE ENTIRE CAR to aid her escape! You're free now, Lily! Run into the forest! Flee this world of humans! Or dash into the middle of the road and immediately get hit by a car, eh, whatever.

J. Riley, Veterinarian

Good thing Tommie rented a Hummer or perhaps a Volkswagen Thing to drive Lily up to Happiness Falls, or else it might've been cramped in that car and who knows what kind of hilarity would've ensued!

Deerly Departed

I don't know if Tommie feels better emotionally after her slumber, but the power nap seems to have taken years off her life.  To the point where she is now an elfin, pre-pubescent boy who dresses like a Golden Girl.

Lily looks like she wants nothing to do with the Professor's chin beard.  Or at least that he has to put a hair net on that before he gets anywhere her bowl of deer food.

Time

Oh, it's time, is it? Now it's time??? Not like, immediately upon finding the fawn? That was not a time to consider options other than bringing it to your New York apartment???

What other options is it time to consider? Time for Lily to apply to that exclusive preschool a few blocks away?

I just can't with this plotline. I want to believe that the "other options" Margo is considering are as sinister as it appears they are in panel 2, but I can't. I want to hear her saying that in her best villain voice, but I feel like we've lost that Margo. Come back to us, Margo.

Bad Mother

Ok. Guys. I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me. Is it totally normal for a lady to choose to kidnap a wild animal, drive it 350 miles from its home and foster it in her New York City apartment? Because it looks to me that this baby deer has just waltzed into the room mid-conversation, possibly wearing tiny stilts based on her height, and Jim hardly even noticed. Didn't even say something like "Oh, I thought you had a cat...?" or "Americans sure are eccentric!" And then it waltzed out without even a break in the conversation! This is David Lynchian stuff right here.

The only explanation is that Jim is evil and willing to put up with anything to further his schemes. It still doesn't really explain what the end game of the adopt-a-fawn story is, but maybe it will end with a graph-paper wrapped box.

Lily

Two weeks later and no incidents to speak of? Unless this week is just a crazy hilarious recap week of Tommie and Margo telling-not-showing everything that's gone wrong since they got the deer.

• Monday: "She's growing like a weed, Tommie. This can't go on forever." "Don't worry, Margo."
• Tuesday: "You mean you decided to sell her for venison jerky as I suggested, Tommie?" "I thought you only meant that in jest, Margo! You know she didn't mean to pee on your memory foam mattress. Twice."
• Wednesday: "I don't know that, Tommie. I also don't know that she didn't mean to chew through the cable wire and make me miss my Game of Thrones marathon." "She's only a child, Margo!" 
• Thursday: "Tommie, are you saying you really aren't mad at all that she ate holes into all your pajama suits from the Paula Poundstone collection?" "That did make me cross, but..."
• Friday: "She's one of us now, Margo!" "It was pretty funny when Lu Ann started popping those 'bon-bons' in her mouth..."
• Saturday: "That's the spirit, Margo! Want to come with me to pick up my Lyme's disease medication at Duane Reade?" "No, just pick me up some chloroform and a burlap sack. No reason. Ooh, and a Dove bar."

Baby Needs

I didn't really expect Lu Ann to be a bastion of sensibility, but I just can't believe everyone's on board with this. How big is this Manhattan apartment??

Okay, so everyone, even Margo, says: sounds good, let's keep a frickin deer in the apartment! Fine. So what's the best case scenario here? I can't imagine a storyline that doesn't involve several of the following

• ruined furniture
• ruined car upholstry
• ticks
• diseases
• disapproving vets
• spectacular deer-related credit card bills
• major tears
• an expository local news story
• the police
• deer tazing
• deer death

Didn't Have a Choice

Hmm. That awkward moment when your roommate realizes you actually brought home a dingo. I can only guess that "we're in trouble now" is the last thing sane, composed Margo Magee can say before a Hulk-like rage washes over her and she becomes Mar-Goh the Destroyer. Hope that little fawn is a sacrifice, Tommie!

P.S. Happy birthday to blog co-writer Casey! Yes she is an Aquarius, which means she's brilliant, eclectic, and sort of pushy. We love you, Casey!

Maaa!

Okay, this is getting downright preposterous. Tommie! Deer belong outside, not in a friggin Manhattan apartment! Jeez, don't you get anything?? I can't think of a less probable way to handle this situation. How did she even have the impulse to pick this thing up? It's a deer. A deer! That's like picking up a bald eagle. I mean, at most, I would try to pick it up like a cat, and then one of the hooves would touch me and I'd just drop it.

But anyway! I guess... she's going to take it to some kind of hunky vet or something? What other possible outcome could there be? I hope the vet straight up scolds her for driving a deer into New York City. It's like introducing a giant cockroach to the city.

Doe, A Deer

"Oh look at you tiny...jackal?...er...emaciated stray dog?"  

So did Tommie kill Bambi's mother?  I thought she was parked, but then she was moving?  The causation was very unclear.  Regardless, she should load that little deer in the back of the Packard and take her home to 3G.  Then LuAnn and the fawn can take turns seeing whose "confused and bewildered" face is more believable.

Also, I can no longer predict where this storyline is going with any confidence.  Maybe she'll take the fawn to live on Lord Walthingham Moneyton's estate, where it will live happily every after romping in the heather?