- First: insist the patient stands up while you talk to about her in the third person.
- Next, have a man she doesn't recognize hold her hand and murmur soothing sentiments with the goofiest grin ever, while you go get your stethoscope from the car.
- In fact, nevermind that, bring the patient to your equipment.
- Have her stand outside on the sidewalk while you hover around her with your invisible stethoscope, making educated guesses about her pulse and breathing.
- When the patient inevitably collapses and/or disappears into thin air, freak out dramatically and demand someone else call an ambulance.
- Now's probably a good time to go back inside.
- Find the patient's roommate and ask them to locate the patient's hand and hold it while you look on anxiously and think about getting a snack.
Can we all agree this is pretty par for the course?