Monday, November 30, 2009

Catch Up

Ah, what a relaxing Thanksgiving break I had. I watched the National Dog Show, had a couple of beers, did a jigsaw puzzle, enjoyed a delicious turkey dinner prepared by my mother, and watched one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time: Home Alone. And then I slept for three days. It was great! Did everyone else have a nice time?

Friday November 26, 2009Just make sure it's Earl Grey and not Jack Daniels.
Looks like Tommie took it easy, chilling with her pals Earl Grey and Mr. Anthropomorphic Teapot. She talks about having lots of friends, but I'm not really sure who she's talking about. Also, Tommie, you've been playing this fiddle for almost three years now. I think we're reaching the threshold of our collective sympathy, if we had any to begin with.

Monday, November 30, 2009
I thought your name was Alex.
Mr. Bobbie Merrill has also had a relaxing Thanksgiving break, having switched from Lu Ann to Margo (I hope I hope). Actually, an affair with Margo would probably be anything but relaxing... I guess we're beginning to suspect this Alec/x fellow, since he's leading the witness and all, plus his name changed from Alex to Alec, plus he's dressing like a sea captain. In Alec/x's defense, pictures printed from a camera phone tend to be a bit blurry.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gobble Gobble!

Have a wonderful evening Ruby. And pull my finger.Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Whether you're enjoying a traditional turkey dinner at home with your family or a pulled pork and coleslaw sandwich with a virtual stranger IN QUEENS!! WHO KNEW?! I hope you, dear readers, have someone special to share the day with. I am thankful for all of you all, as well as Margo, head bobbling, Ruby's bows, Taser Lady, and the word "tootle." Amen!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thank You?

Tommie's hair is expanding at a rapid rate!Normally I'd guess that was a compliment, but her expression is a little world-weary. It's kind of like a Ziggy punchline, if Ziggy was a girl. Or maybe it would work better in The Lockhorns... Also, especially in the second panel, I think Ruby looks less like Dolly Parton and more like Shelley Winters circa Lolita. Am I right? Eh? Am I? Come on. My sisters say I'm awful at making celebrity comparisons, but I think I'm right on with this one.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Real Nice Guy!

You go for that off-panel romance!I guess Ruby figured I Dressed in the Dark just wasn't going to call, so she decided to cut her own hair and change her own bows and buy her own acid-wash jean jacket and just get on with her life! Never changed her earrings though... they're her signature. Go get'm, honey!

Meanwhile Tommie, not realizing the audition is over, continues to look as homely as possible.

Who May I say is Tootling?

Hi Alex. You tootled? I knew it. I knew Bobbie would be this way. I knew she'd just go back to her hotel room, slip on her dental hygenist's uniform, and sneer at the Professor's sincerity. What I did NOT expect was the giant tootles emminating from the phone. Ms. Margaret Shulock, Mr. Frank Bolle: I'm not sure which one of you I should be addressing, but you guys, no phone in the history of phonedom has ever tootled ever, especially not with stink lines eminating from it. I'm just looking out for your professional reputations.


Oh who am I kidding! I love the tootling! I think it's the funniest thing! Never stop the phones from tootling, guys! I take it all back!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Spy v. Spy

Watch out for that detective, Ari.Have the girls have become so uninteresting that we instead have to listen to the Professor muse to himself that he feels like a teenager and doesn't want to be careful [with his heart]? ....yes.

One thing that's always interesing: the background characters. Specifically that private eye in the first panel. Are his motivations purely monetary, or is this a personal job? Who does he come home to at night? Is that his car he's tapping on in the first panel, or someone else's? And uh oh, there's the Professor too.

Friday, November 20, 2009


Is she going to let the elevator keep her down? Oh no, let's go! OH SHIT! Not only did Bobbie make a clever little pun while delicately stroking the Professor's jacket, she KISSED HIM ON THE LIPS! She kissed a werewolf! Awesome.

What's going to be more awesome is when those elevator doors shut: her smile will vanish immediately and she'll start scheming how to shove her affair with Dr. Whositz in her estranged husband's face. Either that or she'll have a more boring "Could I be falling in love?" moment. Could go either way, folks!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

After 5 lbs of Rice Pudding...

If this is supposed to be like Twilight, Frank Bolle should at least try to make everyone better looking...Either Bobbie is acting like that overly dramatic girl from high school that I always hated, or this plot is about to twist in a major way, revealing that Bobbie is being chased by actual monsters. Or maybe both! Maybe Margaret Shulock has been inspired by the Twilight series into making a melodramatic sci-fi love story. I don't blame you, Margaret! Twilight is red hot right now! Plus it confirms my deep-seated suspicions that the Professor is actually a werewolf.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Margo v. Bobbie

My God, how is he even holding that spoon?Oh no no no no no, Bobbie. If you think you're going to steal the "poor little rich girl" title away from Margo, you're going to have to pry it from her cold dead hands.

And WHOA what has happened to the Professor's hand?!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bizarre Love Triangle

They make their servers wear those funny little hats... nice.Nice, Velma. "The Professor comes here and chows down on lumpy rice pudding almost every day, but it's not like anyone was ever attracted to him before!" Meanwhile, in one panel, Bobbie has managed to physically insert herself between Velma and the Professor. Someone a little jealous, Bobbie?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Come for the Salibury Steak, Stay for the Rice Pudding

Saturday November 14, 2009
Wardle's clearly hasn't put any thought into their branding.
Monday November 16, 2009
Taser Lady is, Mrs. Wardle: Cafeteria Lady!Okay, I can see the Prof taking Bobbie out to some low-key hole in the wall with great atmosphere, or some hidden dance hall with live jazz, something to give this a little Jack Dawson/Rose DeWitt appeal. A cafeteria I was not expecting. Especially a cafeteria named Wardle's... isn't a wardle the red hangy thing on a turkey's beak? Okay, I might be making that up, but it still sounds gross. I love rice pudding as much as the next guy and my stomach would still lurch at the sight of a white, milky, lumpy bowl of RP served up by a guy (or gal) named Wardle. And yet the Professor comes here so often that the cafeteria lady flips out when he doesn't show up for a week.

Oh my God, I suddenly realized why she looks so familiar. The modest blond ponytail, the unnatural hysterics... is cafeteria lady actually Taser Lady??!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Why Yes I AM a Therapist!

Ha ha ha! Yes, we therapists certainly say that a lot. You know, since I'm a therapist and all! It's one of our "tricks of the trade," so to speak. Ha ha ha! Awesome. So, you don't want to pay to talk to me? Okay, what if I pay you to talk to me? Sounds great. Maybe afterwards I can walk you back to your hotel room and prevent you from having a drink!

Between the "Did you have a bad day?" and the "Do you want to talk about it?" I feel fairly confident that I myself could be a therapist too. If only I had an empty therapist's office to move into.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Did You Have a Bad Day?

Yellow tie with a burnt orange suit? I think HE dressed in the dark.In my unprofessional opinion, when someone admits she's projecting a falsely cheerful image because her solitary, provisional lifestyle has left her feeling hollow and spent, you can skip, "Did you have a bad day?" and go straight for, "What's wrong?" or "Sounds like someone needs more sleeping pills!"

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This Can't be the Girlfriend. She's Invisible.

As Tyra says, the light is a model's best friend. And a photographer's. Oh please let it be Lu Ann. Oh please oh please oh please.

That said, those "photographs" look awfully undeveloped. Alex is pulling a risky Emperor's New Clothes move here, but it seems like it was a risk worth taking; Bobbie's too sleeping-pilled-and-boozed up to notice.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

"You have a camera phone?!"

You have a camera?!"Pfft! Tail your husband? Get real, Bobbie. I leave that kind of grunt work to my assistant. She also has to take all the pictures, and steal all the receipts out of the garbage cans, and dress up like a waitress and pretend to work at all the restaurants he goes to. I hang around in my cool electric blue jean jacket and deal with the clients. I also park cars. And I do it well."

P.S. Forgot to mention this yesterday, but just wanted to point out that Bobby's wearing nearly the same thing Ruby wore to her I Dressed in the Dark audition. Who does this reflect more poorly on? Explain.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Did You Hair the News?

I would call his hair reminiscent of Steve Carrell circa season one of The Office.We are witnessing a radical departure of status quo male hairstyling in Apartment 3-G. Is Alex slicking back his hair?? Unheard of. Excluding facial hair, the men of A3G usually have the three options:
  1. The "part-to-the-side-and-swoop" (popular with 95% of the male population plus Tommie)
  2. Long hair (for drug dealers)
  3. Bald (for drugees and monks)

I mean, that is it! What will this hairstyle signify for our new friend? Do you slick back your hair if you're, say, a younger gentleman who works as a private detective but also parks cars on the side?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Smell a Spinoff

Tommie, you're making everyone cry.I can't tell you how disappointed I'll be if Tommie gets this makeover, but honestly, if you've watched What Not to Wear, you know that neither of them should get a makeover based on what they're wearing today. That said, I hope someone on the film crew is inspired to produce Tommie & Ruby: Lady Detectives. Ruby will be the loud, brash one with the detective's intuition, and Tommie will be the traditional by-the-books cop. Notice that neither of them is "the smart one."

But who will be on I Dressed in the Dark? My guess: the silhouette in panel one who thinks it's okay to wear a tiny sombrero in public. She's pretty ominous, lurking in the shadows like that...

Friday, November 6, 2009

Settling for Second Best: the Tommie Thompson story

She's chastising me. Look, I said you could dump him once you got there.

Anyway, would you shut your mouth? You are jocking this up for Ruby! They're not going to be able to do a thing with your hair anyway, would you please stop making yourself so reality-show friendly??

And why is that lady levitating an hourglass over her head in the second panel?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Negative Nelly

Do cameramen really wear shirts and jackets?Yowza! Kind of dramatic, Tommie! If you're so down, why don't you go see what your friends in the theater are up to these days? And if you're not going to take advantage of New York's melting pot of culture and cuisine, why didn't you just pack up and move to Denver with icky Gary? It's the healthiest city in our great nation. You could've dumped him once you got there.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Droppin 'Bows

Tell Dr. TV what's going on.Just because you talk a good crazy game doesn't mean you look crazy, Ruby! Seriously, why did she change out of that housedress she was wearing earlier? She even toned down her bows, opting for white over her flashy hot pink ones. Right now those wimpy white bows are her only differentiator. Is everyone else at the audition dressed so plainly that the bows are going to make the difference? I can only hope that lurking just out of frame is a hoop skirt and Holstein-print cowboy boots.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Tommie and Ruby: Lady Detectives

That red canopy in the background makes a bold statement! Allright Tommie, don't get too excited. Professor's got dibs, and as his friend you should respect that.

Anyway, you're supposed to be here for I Dressed in the Dark! Why did you change into less crazy clothes? You just look like lady detectives! Now they're never going to pick you for the show!