Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess "a little messy with soft waves" means "exactly how it looks all the time, including right now."

So can the Governor's Ball turn out to really be a Halloween party? Because then Lu Ann might actually fit in! "I'm dressed as an old comic artist's idea of a sexy, modern Manhattanite. Boo!"

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

You Can't Fix Everyone

Holy cow! This real talk is taking a serious physical toll on these two ladies! These are the women vying for the affection of the Governor of New York?? I.... I have to admit, I though the Governor would be more shallow than this.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

It's Complicated

The biggest fashion trend at this year's Governor's Ball?  Black capes with Peter Pan collars.

Monday, October 28, 2013

That Never Stopped Me

Things not being my business never stopped me, Lu Ann. For example, does it seem like I'm qualified to be in the fashion industry?

Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Many Faces of Zoey Ziggler

I think we'd all feel a lot better if you just ran away Lu Ann.  Then we could see who Margo is eviscerating/how many Italian bambinos Tommie has delivered while on her Roman holiday.  Now quit your whining and put on that lovely pink prairie-chic gown so that we can wrap this up.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Belle of the Governor's Ball

I could watch The Degrassi-esque Terrible Choices of Marty Spencer all day. And yes, I definitely had to look up her last name. But never mind that! The pieces are falling into place for the second half of our drama. Didn't Peter tell you I, his ex-lover, was coming to help you PUT ON A DRESS AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT?? Right. Dresses can be hard! And why put it on now, before you leave? Put it on in the limo! That's what normal people do.

Thursday, October 24, 2013


"Sure, why not, it's not like you'll actually need the note because I'm totally running off with your $500 and taking Lick with me. How about I leave a note saying I'm with you, and when I disappear you and your addict father become the center of a national media frenzy? Also, you can tell I'm No Good because of how I'm waving these cigarettes in the air. Cigarettes!"

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Give It Here

Hello, and welcome to Bad Decisions Theater. We now return you to your show, already in progress.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Oh Canada

Yes Marty, you do need a passport to enter Canada.  Although the U.S.-Canadian border is the longest unguarded border in the world.  Just a little bit of extra knowledge for our loyal readers.

I'm sure it's just as easy to sneak into Canada as it is to smuggle cheap government-subsidized pharmaceuticals out of it.  Sounds like Tori has a solid, unnecessarily secret plan.  Unless she's just trying to lure Marty into forking over the $500 so that she and Lick can go have a romantic weekend in Niagara Falls.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Leaving Tonight

Tori, please! You're making Marty swoon here.

I can't tell by the drapes, but I hope they're talking about this at Tori's house, because we all know the walls in Marty's apartment are paper thin and Cole could be listening in on this conversation as we speak.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Run Along, Boy!

Oh Jason, you just got c@?k-blocked hard by Marty.  Or maybe Tori just isn't that into guys that look like medieval monks.  I also don't understand how Jason gets what Tori is talking about, because I have no idea.  How does planning to become teenage runaways qualify as girl time?  Are they going to braid each others hair?  Are they going to have this conversation at Claire's in the mall?  Maybe Friar Tuck doesn't understand, but Tori's radiant wink has hypnotized him into calm submission.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Five Hundred Dollars!

Honestly, I don't even know which part of this dialogue is the most problematic/entertaining. Or is it the art? Tori's like "seee yaaaaaaa....!" but then just stays there and keeps talking.

$500 in cash is such a weird number to have on hand! More than enough for going to the laundromat, but surely not enough to handle business during the zombie apocalypse Cole must be anticipating. And I guess $500 is a lot of money to teens, but I mean, not THAT much, right? Are they planning on buying an XBox and holing up in a homeless shelter for a couple of days or something? Because that plan will probably work just as well as anything that actually happens here.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Tori's Cool Boyfriend

I am not the only one who was skeptical about Maggie's selection of "Lick" as the possible name of Tori's boyfriend in her post yesterday, but now that I see him, it seems right on the nose. (And what a nose it is.) Other possible names: Flea, Roach, Ratface, Greaseball. Names we have now ruled out: Butch. The sad thing is, in A3G world, I expect Lick is supposed to be pretty cool. Look at how he tucks his sweatshirt into his jeans. Such a rebel.

I'm torn here, because I sort of feel bad for Marty and immediately hate Tori's boyfriend, but I really can't wait to see mini-Margo crush her. Is this going to become A3G: The Next Generation? We have Margo and Tommie, we just need mini-LuAnn.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Out on the Stoop

Oh jeez. You know Tori isn't going anywhere without Trevor, or Butch, or Lick, or whatever his punky name is going to be. Maggie predicts: they're not going to be over the George Washington Bridge before Flip starts passing around the dope. Marty will immediately request a pit stop and use a pay phone to narc on her friends to her dad. Or Lu Ann, I guess?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Don't You Remember?

"We used to talk to each other over dinner...Remember?  We made our plates one quarter veggies, one quarter fruit, one quarter cereal grains and one quarter mustard?!?!?!  Just like the USDA and Michelle Obama recommend!*  Now look at us, our fruit and veggie bowl is overflowing, the cereal is going stale!  How do we get back to that place?!?!?!"

*Addendum: This asterisk represents this bloggers first real world encounter with the federal government shutdown.  In attempting to verify the actual makeup of the new food pyramid plate, I was unable to access confirmation on the USDA's website.  The fact that I can't verify something on a government website for my satirical comic blog post is the first personal problem I've had with the government shutdown also serves as a delightful example of a first world problem (or #firstworldproblem for those readers who prefer ideas displayed with the Tic-Tac-Toe Board of Pisa and no spaces).  Also, I can probably say that Michelle Obama is not shut down.  She can't afford to miss a day toning those guns.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Things To Do

Is the implication here that Tori is some malevolent pixie, befriending young teens until her message of mistrust and discontentment takes hold before simply moving on to her next victim? I bet we never see Tori again. Rats. Marty had so much more to learn. Like riding in fast cars with boys!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Pretty and Sweet

This whole saga seems to be aging Marty.  She went from awkward tween to attitude-wielding young adult/the same age as Lu Ann.  Marty's rage is segmenting her hair, it's only a matter of time before that front strand rises up in defiance.  I really hope that Tori is outside the gallery, watching her protege in action and laughing maniacally. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Big Bad Brain Tumor

Not only is Marty ramping up the tude, she's also getting... pretty callous? The descriptive phrase "big, bad" is usually reserved for sarcastic contrast (like the big bad hangnail I had last week), but brain tumors are obviously pretty serious, so I find this confusing. Your tude is confusing me, Marty!

Luckily it's not phasing Lu Ann in the least. Calling your dad a loser? Using his first name? The revelation that you know we've been feeding you a pack of lies, dirty rotten lies?? Yeah, well! Stuff happens. Come back to squiggle art!

Thursday, October 10, 2013


You can tell how much he loves you because he sent your art teacher to talk to you about your "feelings." He loves you so much that he finds talking about your feelings to be uncomfortable and would rather have no part in it.

I do like sassy Marty, and she's adding some more great comebacks to her repertoire on the heels of yesterday's "save it for someone who cares." "Get real" and "back off" are pretty 'tude-ish phrases too, I guess. Mostly though, I'm just worried that telling people to talk to her hand all the time has somehow caused her hand to become detached from her body.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Save It

And so the worry bobble begins! "Save it for someone who cares," is such an efficient way of conveying how much tude you've got. And Marty's got plenty of tude! I don't really get why, since Lu Ann never lied to Marty and there has been zero daddy canoodling so far by my count, but... I like it.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


What I want is for Marty to come stumbling in to the gallery, reeking of Newports and Arbor Mist and tell off Lu Ann for totally not getting it.  Then I want her to scream "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" and storm out.  Lu Ann will then spend a few strips in full on worry bobble and panicked inner dialogue, only to chase after Marty, but in the process miss the governor's ball.  Governor Trog moves on, Lu Ann saves Cole and Marty and we find out what's going on in Margo's life!  The end is nigh!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Another Month in Italy

Did Tommie get furloughed from her federal nursing job and now she feels like there's nothing for her in America? I guess it's nice that Ms. Shulock gave at least a feeble explanation for Tommie's absence, although honestly I don't think anyone even remembers what she looks like.

I'm disappointed though, I thought that scene between Cole and Lu Ann was going somewhere! Lu Ann with her shoes kicked off, Cole clearly staring at her butt, everyone getting delirious on cups of coffee—and then, Marty busting in, drunk and angry, to find them canoodling on the green cameo chair! Is something like that going to happen? Eventually?

Saturday, October 5, 2013

After School Special

Maybe it's just the arched eyebrow, but Lu Ann has quite a mischevious look on her face in the final panel.  Or maybe she just gets her jollies purely through meddling and Cole's parental ineptitude.  And it's weird that she's thrown off her shoes, but is still carrying her purse around Cole's apartment. 

Friday, October 4, 2013

Normal Teen Behavior

Marty starting flipping you off before furtively darting into her room and turning up her music real loud? That's normal teen behavior! Just like normal teacher behavior is to hang out with her student's single dad, kicking off her shoes and indulging in endless cups of coffee! Now. Let's talk about your placement of drapes.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Caffeinated Infidelity

"I took a chance you'd be home because I do not own, nor have I ever heard of, a 'cell phone.'"

By the way, Lu Ann, if all you needed was coffee to perk you up, I'm sure there was a Starbucks on the way to the cemetary, so you could be all bright-eyed and awake for your boyfriend's traumatic experience. But good call on leaving him alone to go hang out with your "friend" at his place to drink his coffee. It better be really good coffee.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Lu Ann Halts the Cab

Apartment 3-G, Wednesday October 2, 2013
Ah, the taxi hat! The hat that proudly proclaims, I drive a taxi. Or I just like taxis. Or I'm a big fan of the TV series Taxi. Actually, I guess it's a pretty ambiguous hat.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Ten Things I Hate About You

And now ladies and gentlemen, the top ten things that Peter really wanted to say:

10) "Zoe didn't give you that outfit to wear to funerals..."
9) "Do you know that nerdy girl who is spray painting squiggles onto the fence and shouting your name?  Is she...drunk?!?"
8) "I want to kiss you on your thick, flesh colored lips."
7) "John was secretly wielding all the power of the executive office of this state...I am a puppet and I  don't know what to do now!"
6)  "My tie is the same pattern as the interior of my car..."
5)  "I killed John Calder..."
4)   "Traditionally, lieutenant governors who die in office lie in state in a suburban park."
3)  "I was at Zoe's late last night, and yada, yada, yada I'm really tired today..."
2) "How is it that I haven't met your third roommate?"


1) "I know we've only been on one date, but my internal I mean my heart is telling me that you're the one.  Will you accept this box of radiant light and be my wife?"