Sunday, March 31, 2013

Works For Me

"Lu Ann, have you heard of the new James Bond picture Emeralds are Fleeting?  It's only my most successful recent promotional campaign.  Still no?  Well you were on an isolated ranch for months.  Rest assured, that's the same intense, hands-on promotion that I'm going to give to your little gallery project.  Although, my assistant position is open so we might not achieve full James Bond, but I'm sure Tommie could run off a few flyers for me after she's done cleaning up the breakfast service."

Friday, March 29, 2013


I feel like this is all some hilarious game of philanthropic chicken.
Lu Ann: The art class won't cost a dime, Margo. It's all coming out of my pocket. Wait, do I have any money? Art classes aren't that expensive, right? I'll just have the kids draw on the back of Mills Gallery brochures.
Margo: Okay, but you're my curator, Lu Ann. Is this project going to infringe on your work hours? Jeez, I forgot about the Mills. Do we still put up art, or charge admission, or what? I'll have to check the books. Do we have books? Maybe Tommie has them.
Lu Ann: Not for a second, Margo--I promise! Eff, I should really get over there and see if there's still art hung up. Did I lock the door behind me last time I left? 

Thursday, March 28, 2013


Lu Ann, you're still basically asking for money. Don't you know it costs money to operate a gallery that I didn't even think was still open because Margo decided to ignore it in favor of another half-assed career? (Seriously, whatever happened to Trey whatshisface?) Also, Margo sees everything in terms of what it's going to cost her, so nice try, but no way. Maybe if you involved Queen Bee in some way?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

For the Children

Enough chitter chatter, Lu Ann! You're asking for a handout, is that it? Well you won't get it. I will NOT donate money to children. They'll just waste it on candy and shiny objects. That's MY money to spend on shiny objects, and I will do it when I please!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Margo Unhinged

Did Tommie dress in a chef's uniform to cook breakfast for Margo and Lu Ann?  I don't blame Margo for wanting a full dose of caffeine before she hears whatever moving tribute and, let's be honest with ourselves, complete let down of an idea Lu Ann is going to need her PR expertise with.  "You want to do something to honor Gary?  Wasn't he that blonde guy that wanted you to move to Hoboken?  I mean you should really just move on, it's been like thirty years...or seven.  It's only been two days and I've already stopped wearing my emerald promise ring from what's his name.  Do you want cream?"

It's good to know that the searing flames and severe tissue damage did nothing to melt Margo's cold, dark heart. 

Monday, March 25, 2013

Great Advice

"He told me to find a porpoise. It took me by surprise, but I thought about it the whole way home, and I think he's right. I bought a plane ticket to Orlando, Florida and I'm going to SeaWorld on Thursday."

Sunday, March 24, 2013


You heard it here first, get ready for the grand opening of The Gary Powers Memorial Museum of Fine Squiggle Art.  It was always Gary's dream that more people could be moved and challenged by Lu Ann's art.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Mister Clark

I kind of presume anyone who reads this blog also reads the Comics Curmudgeon. (if you don't, you probably should.) If you were reading way back in Spring 2007, you might be familiar with one Yancey Otha, AKA "Clambake." Is anyone getting a whiff of Clambake from Mister Clark here? Remember, Lu Ann, if Mister Clark tells you to, "Lock your eyes on one hole, get set, and swing. And keep doing it," just.... just run away, okay?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Getting Over It

He served in Vietnam? Hey, maybe he knew Gary 1.0!

So Mary never got over it, but I guess Mr. Clark is alright with the whole thing - hopefully he gives her a step-by-step plan for getting over it, so that she can totally forget about Gary by the time this whole thing needs to be awkwardly retconned again and Lu Ann meets an elderly gentleman whose son died in Afghanistan while she mourns Gary's loss during the Robot Wars of 2030.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

That's Rough

Yup, yup, yup. War widow, gotcha... yeah, that really stinks. ANNNNNNNNNNYWAY. Want to see my boy? He's right over here, by the Arlington National fence.

This strip has forced me to do lots of Google searches for Arlington National Cemetery, and I have to say, it's truly a breathtaking site. I've never been in person, but I'll try to visit next time I'm in DC. That said, I did not see any fences or blue houses on site in the photos.

Addendum 3/21/2013: holy hotlinking! I didn't even know what hotlinking was until Inkwell brought it up in the comments. I'm embarrassed, everyone! But I've learned something and I'm trying (bravely) to move on with my life. The image above is hosted here, but Google images has so many good ones it was hard to pick. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Generation

I hope that Gary having a brown headstone doesn't mean he's interred in the special section of Arlington reserved for cowards.  Seriously, everyone knows that those headstones are all white, what are you doing colorist?  You got those ones in the back right.

According to Gary's date of birth, we're very close to the same age, which means that the woman with the Farrah flip and Peter Pan collar is supposed to be of my peer group.  I'm guessing that Frank Bolle missed this past season of Girls?

The spoken sob is the most wrenching human grief sound, few can resist it's siren call.  Does Lu Ann, empowered by visiting Gary's cardboard headstone, become a passionate anti-war activist?   Or will she fall into a doomed romance with the off-panel voice which will presumably belong to a "handsome" (Paul Linski in uniform) veteran, who will help her get over Gary, but will probably be redeployed/consumed by carnivorous mist?

Monday, March 18, 2013

It's Okay to be Sad

Margo and Greg have officially been absorbed into the Mist of Terminated Storylines, so let's check in with Lu Ann! Looks like we're going to Arlington National Cemetery. It's a beautiful, moving place and I really hope Mr. Bolle doesn't try to draw it because that will inevitably be pretty rough and/or embarrassing. BUT! I DO hope this spurs more discussion about the mysterious Sgt. Gary Powers, and inspires another ghost-related storyline for Lu Ann!

UPDATE: It's Sgt. Gary Powers, not Lt. I was too lazy to go back and look it up, but Tuesday's comic confirms it.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

The Fog

"I won't give the TSA the satisfaction of going back to the airport.  A full body scan?  It's humiliating.  But I'll happily participate with you in the first annual Central Park Three-Legged Mist Race back to my apartment."

Friday, March 15, 2013

Time To Go

As darkness falls across the land (as evidenced by the bright white clouds in the background), two young(ish?) lovers smooch for the last time. I know we're all speculating about the on-set accident that will kill/maim Greg and destroy their love Ethan Frome style/make Greg die, but I think distance is going to be the real killer for these two crazy kids. Especially when you're as young(ish) and good-looking (allegedly) as Greg Cooper. And we've all seen how needy/grabby Skyler is, am I right? Am I?

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Is That a Challenge?

Somehow it doesn't seem "You couldn't lose me if you tried" is making Margo feel any better. But the sweet emerald ring she got out of the deal brightens her right up.

For the record, Greg, she can definitely lose you - if she wanted to, she would. This is Margo we're talking about. She will also probably lose you, even if she doesn't try. Just ask her dead fiance. Oh, do you still not know about him? Oops.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Good Idea, Lu Ann

Hey! Hey Margo! It's me, Lu Ann! Hey! I just wanted to remind you that I'm in the strip. Hey, is that Greg Cooper? I thought I was going out with Greg. But that was before Christmas in Dallas! Which I apparently came home from at some point. Anyway, no biggie! I'll just run upstairs and clean up after you. Gosh, it's great to be home!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Constant Craving

OMG!  Margo's engaged to circa early 90s K.D. Lang!  It's the most progressive A3G ever, even bucking tradition by going with an emerald stone on the right hand and introducing the new custom of breaking your betrothed's thumb and pinky as a feat of strength.  And Tommie's no longer the most gender confused character in the strip!  And the professor's chin beard survived unsinged!  It's an early March miracle! 

In my continuing effort to confound Google's data mining of my internet searches, I did an intensive google image search for K.D. Lang and discovered this:

It's a little eerie.  At least K.D. classed it up and went for the tie.  Also, I had just googled Ghostface Killah, as I heard him discussed today on Fresh Air on NPR.  MARKET TO ME NOW...

Monday, March 11, 2013

Don't Blame Me

Cliffhanger!! Was it a proposal? Did Margo accept? The only thing we know is they both made it out alive. This sets up days to weeks of potential tension in the plot, which will probably be resolved tomorrow when Margo says something expository like "Sorry I couldn't accept your proposal, Greg, but my work means too much me! Have fun in England. Don't call."

Meanwhile, Frank has giving up on describing a gender for Tommie and has made her just a straight-up eunuch. That is the only explanation for the long sleeve, buttoned-to-the-top, disappearing and reappearing eyelashes and lips look that she's got going on.

P.S. if you didn't see reader J.R. Clarke's rendition of "Goldblazer" in the comments yesterday... well, you really should.

Sunday, March 10, 2013


Yay!  Another rushed A3G engagement that seemingly comes out of nowhere.  What will be the demise of this relationship?  Greg's long shoot in London?  Margo's inability to care about another human being?  Or will the lilac people revolt and throw Greg off the building before he can even get down on bended knee?

Margo's not Lu Ann, so she probably won't say yes, kiss Greg and melt into a halo of light.  Any takers on her flying into a rage?

Friday, March 8, 2013

Honestly, Never

You'll see. It's great! They have these elevator boxes. You just hop in, and the box takes you all the way to the bottom of the building! So much less strain on the knees. We could take the shiny elevator box all the way to the top instead of climbing, but I know your smokey lungs could use a workout!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Definitely Not Clingy

Ah, the early stages of love. I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend and I told him to leave me alone, go to a foreign country, and also "don't call me, I won't call you, bye now!" Sigh... where did the romance go?

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Come to London

Now this is how you get rid of a guy in A3G. Without killing him, I mean.

Part one: send him to London! MI6 is calling, Greg. You'd better answer! There's only so many scenes we can film here before the movie starts looking "too New Yorky" and "not Britishy enough." Plus the buildings here keep diappearing.

Part two: make Margo care about her job! LOOK, Greg, Margo is a working woman. She has loads of clients (potentially), a boatload of PR events to attend (if she feels like it), press releases to write (when she gets around to it), and Google searches to run (BINGO!). And someone is going to have to passive-aggressively welcome Skyler when she comes crawling back from Aunt Cathy's PR Palace. E... Even though she should probably be in London too.

Part three: dial back Margo from feisty to gloomy! (AKA "pull a Tommie") It's like the ultimate turnoff. Margo is says, "There aren't many days left," referencing her upcoming death due to lung failure/the apocalypse and Greg is just like, "Gee, sweetie, wish you could come to my flat with me! Call me! No texting or Skype though! K? Gotta go, byyyyyyye!"

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Say It Again Sister

Margo couldn't have expressed more perfectly how I feel about this "storyline."  I suppose I should care, but I don't.  But I have to because Maggie was all like "Oh, I feel like the blog needs different voices, you guys make me laugh so much, you'll be great at posting!"  And I'm the one sitting here on Tuesday night trying to think of pithy, funny comments about this yawn of a strip while she's probably watching DVRed episodes of Ru Paul Drag Race in her pajamas eating something delicious.  Well played my friend, well played.

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Trial

You can tell it's a few weeks later because, my god, look how faded Greg's yellow jacket is. Evan must've had to buy a new one twice a month, back in the day!

Anyway, if you were hoping for a long, emotional courtroom drama, or even just a quick peek at the sentencing, sorry! Margo heard that it's all over, and that's enough closure for all of us. The Case of the Double-Crossing Office Assistant who Emotionally Used His Boss to Help His Crotchety Aunt but Then Suddenly Decided to Bomb his Boss's Apartment for Reasons Unknown and Then Also Suddenly Turned Himself In Immediately After Said Bombing Even Though There's No Way He Would've Gotten Caught is closed!

Now what's this about Aunt Cathy?

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Something Has Happened

This is NOT the denouement I was anticipating. I doubt we'll ever see Evan again, or the delightful Aunt Cathy, who began the strip with such promise. The only thing we get is a single strip of the Professor being like "Fooled ya! Didn't burn to death in a fire!" and this tepid declaration of love. "Something has happened to me." "Oh, Greg! Say no more, I'm yours forever! Don't worry about Eric, he bit it years ago! Now kiss me, and let us never speak of Evan again."

Friday, March 1, 2013

It Wasn't Love

Wait, you weren't in love with Evan?? (whips off yellow jacket, stuffs it in the garbage) Right. You were saying?