Thrill-a-Minute

Good morning, everyone! Did everyone have a nice Memorial Day weekend? Or, for our friends outside the United States, did everyone have a nice weekend followed by a Monday? Let's see how the good times rolled for Tommie and Aunt Iris.

Saturday, May 28th, 2011

First there was this exciting exchange. "Run along, Tommie dear." "See you later, Aunt Iris." It would've spiced up the dialogue if one of them admitted that OH MY GOD, THE GIANT HAND, HE'S HOLDING THE DOOR CLOSED, THERE'S NO ESCAPE, TELL PRISSY I LOVE HER

Monday, May 30th, 2011Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

And now, two full days of Aunt Iris' mesmerizing, edge-of-your-seat phone call to her sister Susan! They're like oil and water, but they share on thing in common: the need for speed!! /Tommie. Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing Tommie's mom, just to see how this family can get any dowdier.

Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves

Gypsy? Iris, you're not wearing a headscarf or carrying a crystal ball. You're also not trying to tell me my fortune/give me a twig in front of a major European tourist attraction, so I don't think you're a gypsy. I mean you're so reliable and stable that you've been given full responsibility for Prissy the Wonder Cat. Don't be so dramatic, Justin Bieber...I'm sorry, I mean Tommie.

Look Into My Eyes...

Iris may not have magic powers, but something is going on with Tommie in that second panel. Look at her eyes.... no wait, don't look at her eyes. Creepy. I guess her magical hypnotic powers explain her ability to convince people she's talented or useful in any way. But I don't think there should be a question mark there. She's really willing Iris to promise her whatever she wants...

One Wish

Tommie's just covering her tracks. She did have one wish, and she used it to get all her clothes back from I Dressed in the Dark. Also, her Tommie: Maureen O'Hara's character from Miracle on 34th Street called, she wants her personality back. OH SNAP!

All According to Plan

Hello, loyal readers! Maggie has decided that she would like us to collaborate more on the blog, so starting today, I'll be taking over Tuesdays and Fridays. Please, be kind...

Oh Iris, you scheming little minx. What have you got up your canary yellow sleeve this time? Why are you wearing Rec Specs in your apartment? Do you have a racquetball court in there?

Why doesn't Rick's studio have a piano? I guess the bells and whistles are actual bells and whistles and nothing else. "Ok Tommie, let's take it from the first whistle solo..." It seems silly to move a giant piano across town, but I guess that means that we shan't be rid of Mr. Linski just yet.

Bells and Whistles

Nothing quite says "I don't get new technology" than calling it "bells and whistles." I hope this is going to be a week long exploration of cool new technomological gadgets like mp3s, touch screens, and the click wheel.

Perfect Timing

This had potential to be another pointless Saturday strip, but you know who can turn any boring situation around? Here's a hint: there's a framed picture of her on the wall. THAT'S RIGHT, Prissy the Wonder Cat!! She's done being orange for now, and she's anxious to get on the phone with Tazer Lady. I bet Prissy has a British accent, the adorable little scamp.

The Greatest Music Producer in the Known Universe

Tommie may be laying it on a little thick for a guy who isn't even in Wikipedia, but I guess Hobo Tramp Dan "The Man" Diller is in the League of Music Producers who Can't Make the Time to Shave (LMPCMTS, pronounced "lumpcamts"), along with his friend Rick Rubin, famous record producer and fellow scraggly beard haver.

But really, a world-famous producer? Let's see how he compares to his colleagues.

Looking good, Dan. Looking good.

The Whole Story

Actually, Dan's leaving out the part where he fell asleep under a tree for twenty years; luckily, no one in Apartment 3-G uses computers, smart phones, bluetooth, ipods, ipads, email, the internet, wikipedia, twitter, facebook, youtube, Tivo, DVDs, blu-rays, Playstations, Xboxs, or those fancy "hybrid" cars. So it hasn't really been a problem.

Excuse Me, Mr. Diller

I like how Aunt Iris doesn't even bat an eye. "Hi, Blaze! How's the show going so far? I wanted to introduce you to this homeless man you seem to know already!" We're gearing up for the big reveal, the one we've been anticipating for over ten days now. Will Hobo Tramp Dan be a billionaire, or merely a millionaire?

Rick Told Me

What else did Rick tell you? Did he tell you the beard makes you look "distinguished"? A real friend would tell you the truth, Hobo Tramp Dan!

Hobopiece Theatre

I've been so distracted by the appearance of Hobo Tramp Dan that I totally forgot this is Tommie's big moment! Good thing I forgot, or I'd be disappointed that we, of course, will not see one iota of this play. Instead, I'm just glad to see HTD again, looking just as hairy and magical as ever.

I might be going a little overboard with the references lately--Gandalf, Kenny Rogers, Zeus, Colombo--but in the first panel, Hobo Tramp Dan's slightly worried expression reminds me of David the Gnome. Specifically the last episode. Remember? Spoiler alert: he and his wife turn into trees and his fox runs away. Tell me that's not upsetting for an 8-year-old.

Hobos Tramps and Thieves

So now he's a phony crazy homeless hobo tramp liar. I just hope he's not a phony crazy homeless hobo tramp liar who leaves his cell phone on during the show.

Crazy Homeless Hobo Tramp Liar

You know, everybody--everybody--treated Columbo like a bum. He was the best detective ever and a really nice guy, and everyone treated him like a bum. I remember a particularly galling episode where a nun treated him like a bum. She was like, "Come inside, it's warm and we have soup." "Ahh, I'm sorry for the confusion ma'am but, actually I'm a detective, and I was wondering--" "No need to be proud, child, come in, have some soup." And Columbo, god bless him, he took the soup. And then he solved the damn mystery!

Columbo never made anyone feel bad for calling him a bum (he did play up his bum-like qualities at times). But I get the impression this guy can't WAIT to take Aunt Iris out after the show for goose liver and brandy.

By the Beard of Hobo Tramp Dan

Ohhh...! I've been wondering where this quasi-homeless man story arc was going. Is Hobo Tramp Dan going to scam Aunt Iris? Is he going to wind up being a billionaire who's slumming it up? No no no. Neither of those. Heh. It seems so obvious now. Hobo Tramp Dan is actually the god Zeus, disguised as a penniless vagabond, going from citizen to citizen to see who, if anyone, embodies the Roman ideal of charity! He'll reward those who offer him comfort with an ever-refilling amphora of wine; he'll punish those that dismiss him with death by drowning! Yup. I've read about this before. Just play along, Aunt Iris!

Drive-by Orchestra Attack

It's weird that even though she got beat up by the pit orchestra in the second panel, Aunt Iris still was able to pick up the phone without missing a beat (so to speak). And if Mr. Mallory thinks he can seduce Aunt Iris with salacious come ons, he's probably barking up the wrong tree. She likes some one a little older, wiser... like so many women, she's attracted to the Old Man River type.

The Gambler

Oh my gosh, Aunt Iris, please, you're embarrassing me! Show some respect for Kenny Rogers! He's never going to sing "Lady" to you if you keep treating him like a hobo tramp.

Hard Times in the Big City

I'm all for random acts of kindness, but I don't know if "sit here because roofs keep the rain out" really qualifies. I mean, she's just assuming that guy is homeless and doesn't know how roofs work because of his long beard and his bland-colored overcoat. And his interesting face, of course. Kind of a Gandalf meets Columbo vibe. Gosh. Maybe he'll ask for her help solving a murder mystery involving hobbits. What will Mr. Mallory think? Also, who's Mr. Mallory again?

What a World, What a World...!

Aunt Iris has been reduced to a pile of hair and a shoulder. Sad. It's tough being a third wheel.

Sleepy Jean

Whoa, Aunt Iris should not be sleeping this much, should she? Here's how I think this conversation would actually go.

Margo: Should we be worried about Iris? She's slept 16 hours today.
Trey: Who cares? My hair is a beret!
Margo: What? You're so handsome I can't understand English anymore.
Trey: Let's smooch.