Promises to Not Keep

Don't get your hopes up Jack.  Once incidental characters run their course they're never heard from again.  Which is why it's so weird that we would waste a strip with Tommie promising Jack and Carol that she'll show up at their wedding (without a plus one)/come visit.  I mean the adventures of Margo Magee are waiting!  But we should probably stop questioning the weird things that happen in this strip.  Like the daily, unflattering metamorphosis of Tommie's hair.

No Buts, Tommie

Sure, yes, we'll keep her, whatever it takes to get this done! Meanwhile it's not like Jack's been here, it's not like he knows what a rebellious teen deer Lily's become in the absence of a strong father figure or really any supervision at all. (When's the last time anyone checked her homework?) It's not like he's caught her smoking Pall Malls behind the barn, or tasting her first whiskey at a stag-doe party. Yes, she's old enough to go to stag-doe parties, Jack! When are you going to realize Lily is growing up!

A Job Waits For Me

Are you sure there's a job waiting for you, Tommie? Like, sure sure? Meanwhile, Jack turns away to hide his tears of joy that Tommie is finally leaving.

You Said it Jack

I think Jack's comment in the second panel sums up how we all feel about this storyline...and about Tommie changing her turtleneck.  I'm so relieved that we are almost through with this interminable nonsense that I won't even mock that fact that Carol and Jack's engagement falls into the overflowing basket of "Supposedly Hugely Important A3G Moments That Occur Off-Panel."

The end is nigh.  Bring on the adventures of Margo Magee!

We Have News!

Poor Tommie. I'm pretty sure she was going inside to give them some privacy when suddenly they appeared before her like a glitch in the matrix. P.S. That is some deeply solemn smooching.

So we have news!

• We're in love!
• We're getting married!
• We want to start a band!
• We're adopting a deer!
• We're adopting you!
• We're selling the ranch!
• We're moving to Manhattan!
• We're moving in with the Big Wheel!
• We're ending the storyline!
• We're ending the strip!

Any possibility I missed?

Do You Believe?

Thursday September 25, 2014

Friday September 26, 2014

We have closure! Spooky ghostly night creature closure. I mean, supposedly Jack goes out on these little unsupervised outings all the time, but this time I guess the moon was full or he found an appropriately haunted field or chanted "Bloody Mary" three times or whatever and managed to get the ghost of Ellen to say "MOVE ON, JACK!" Move on, so we can all move on. Thank you, ghost of Ellen. And thank you Carol, for not leading us down a one-week detour of whether or not Ellen's ghost really appeared. "Yeah yeah, of course I believe Ellen spoke to you! Uh huh, and then Joey turned into a unicorn--I'm sorry, a pegasus--then what? Whatever moves this damn story along so maybe at the end we kiss and Tommie leaves!"

Night Creatures

Let me take you outside for this next part, Carol. You know the night creatures? The ones that come out at night, and move around at night, and do stuff, in places, at night? They were there. I'm not sure if they were ghosts or raccoons or bums or what, but they were beautiful. Carol, you're starting to look bored. Can you just stay with me on this? This is poetry here.

Ghost Walk

I'm glad you remember, because that was like two months ago.  Or more...it feels like more.

"I was wrong.  Ghosts can't walk.  They don't have legs or really any corporeal form.  It was very disappointing."

Take Your Time

Oh noooooo! More talking? Why?? These people are going to be banished from the strip in a month! I know comic kvetchers are a hard group to please, but if Carol and Jack fell into each other's arms in one panel, and Tommie drove into the distance as Lily hopped the fence in another panel, and we were back in New York on Tuesday, I think we'd all be happy, right guys?

Loose Ends

"Get out your washboard and stand back.  I'm finally going to take off this turtleneck, which I have worn for months as the armor of my grief.  Also, I'm going to need you to, you know, take care of that orphaned deer that is around here somewhere.  And can you just like, get with Carol so that she doesn't spend another two weeks telling someone about how you're the love of her life?  Then I'll just load up the Packard and be on my way."

Compassion

Compassion, really? I thought Tommie was pretty compassionate when she was spinning babies out of Nina What's-her-face. Maybe it was the hard knocks of the music industry that drained her compassion. Working with "Stone Cold" Dan Diller and Rick-E from Boys on the Block (obviously a street thug)... the nonstop Ruben sandwiches... sure, that could hollow the soul out of anyone.

Everyone's Great

And the work of like, running my supposed vet clinic while I was mysteriously gone for some unspecified amount of time. But mostly, the work of the heart. (Is that like, cardio?)

Ugh, excuse me while I go vomit.

Not Now

It's okay, Jack. In retribution, Carol has painted all your little things mint.

The Best Thing That Could Have Happened

Wait, isn't Jack some sort of veterinarian?  Presumably one who could treat a horse with an injured foot and not force that horse to hobble home for forty miles.  

Maybe the long journey is where he first encountered the shadow creature that he has now lured here to feed on Carol's soul.

Starving

Oh no. She's going to make him breakfast. It's starting all over again. IT'S STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN!

One Is Never Enough

Is there a reason everyone ran inside and shut the door as soon as I showed up? Do I stink like a six-month old turtleneck? Oh, you want me to do the thing where we put our faces close together in a gesture of intimacy. Okay, but I might need to leave for another three months after this!

A good scrubbing, a good scrubbing, where have I heard that before...

Your help is required, Ruby! We miss you! We miss everyone who isn't Tommie or Carol!

Haunted

If only this meant that Jack wasn't coming back and that this interminable storyline was over.  But now we're in for at least a month of Tommie being enslaved by Carol while Jack is off having some sort of seance with the ghosts of his past.  At least living with Margo has prepared her for exactly this scenario.

Ghosts

Carol, please, just let him go! You've trailed behind Jack through like eight changes of scenery this week. We can't miss the dope if he never leaves. Actually, it's pretty unlikely that we'll ever miss him, but come on, at least give us a chance!

Crack That Whip

When did this become less Bridges of Madison County and more 12 Years a Slave? (I’d say 50 Shades of Grey, but this is A3G we’re talking about). 

You Crazy, Beautiful Man!

Oh excuse me, I'm sorry, I thought I was writing a snarky blog about the comic strip Apartment 3G, not The Boring-Ass Life of a Surly Large Animal Vet and the Women He Withholds His Love From, a comic which revolves around women making breakfast in exchange for zero gratification. And occasionally there are pictures of dingos.