Friday, August 30, 2013

Finishing Touches

Hey, aren't governors supposed to propose bills and budgets, not to pretty ladies?? HAHAhahaha. Ok. Sorry. Seriously though, I can't think of any governor that's proposed while in office. This could be big. Kate and William big. I know he and Lu Ann haven't spent that much time together and don't even appear to get along that well, but what really burns me up about this relationship is that we've never even seen her wear one of those fancy Zoey Ziggler dresses for him. What kind of a trophy wife is he getting here?

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Rapid Relationship Problems

It's a good thing Margo put that wiretap on Lu Ann's phone, because she needs someone to talk some sense into her. Though I think it's less out of concern for Lu Ann and more out of a desire to completely avoid her own relationship problems.

Still, the real problem here is that Lu Ann has been "dating" this governor character for what seems like maybe 3 weeks, tops, on the A3G timeline (it's like the opposite of dog years), and he's getting ready to propose. "Rapidly" pretty much describes this whole situation (except, you know, when measured in real time, in which case the proper description would be "at a snail's pace.")

As an aside, thanks to Maggie and Megan for covering for me while I was on vacation! It was much appreciated by me and my international roaming data plan.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

We're Friends!!

Is Cole so embarrassed to be getting the "I like you as a friend" brush-off that he has literally exploded, the contents of his body instantly evaporating with an ignominious and somewhat absurd "click"? Or did Mr. Bolle just forget to draw him in the second panel? Discuss.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Teenage Girls

Ugh, ever since Cole officially made Lu Ann his official Counselor on Daughters, she's been sooo bored with their relationship. "Cole, she's probably with Tori. You know how teenage girls are, they're terrible with time management and whatnot. They're probably chilling at the library where, hello? you're not allowed to use cellphones. Or their batteries died. Whatever, who can keep track of time when you're rip roaring drunk anyway?"

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Super Cool

"Tori, this place is awesome!  You've got it all!  Two squiggle prints, a floating lamp shade and heavy draperies!  Did you hire a decorator or did you do it yourself?"

Oh Marty, you should have known that Tori was way too cool for you. I mean you wear glasses.  Hasn't popular culture taught you that young girls with glasses are hopeless nerds yet?  Now why don't you run home and play with your chemistry kit and leave the rebellion to the cool kids.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Really Great

Ms. Schulock and Mr. Bolle are struggling to remember, as I am, what it's like to be a young teenage girl. So you wanna... get something to drink? I guess that's a normal thing, right? I think girls do that. Shouldn't they be looking at their phones while they're talking though? And then, yeah, you complain about your parents... or no wait! You totally fawn all over your dad, that's what teenage girls do!

Actually, Marty looks just like Bedilia...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Dying for a Cigarette

AWWW YEAH! The Summer of Marty continues, with peer pressure! Teen drama! Smokes! Even though at first I thought Tori was just offering Marty an apple. Or a juicebox.

Tori may be a smoker, but she smiles a lot and she's into sharing even though cigarettes are mad expensive. Sure, she'll become predictably and unapologetically belligerent tomorrow after Marty spurns her smoky advances, but it's still way better than watching Lu Ann putz around the gallery and "curate."

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Stuff To Do

New friend alert! Is Tori here to teach us a cautionary tale about falling in with the wrong crowd? She seems pretty cool, judging solely based on her hair and her tude. It's probably a good match, Marty used to serve up some pretty vicious tude herself!

Just be careful, Marty: Tori's are always trouble.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Lu Ann is the Coolest

"Tori thinks it's much more exciting to hang out on the street corner outside the gallery meeting up with strangers and hurling quarters at vagrants.  But I'd much rather be in here painting squiggles with you.  You're sooo cool.  I wish my hair was like yours.  I love your belt!  Oh my gosh, how have I never noticed your waist before? You're so skinny!  What are you doing? Pilates? Juicing? Coffee Enema?  We brush each other's hair and tell each other secrets."

Monday, August 19, 2013

Wait Outside

She CAN'T come inside because she's NOT REAL, Lu Ann. Jeez.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Booty Call

Nothing like calling your sweetheart late at night from a circa 1920s telephone that radiates with ringing when a call is placed.  He also seems to have purchased Just For Men in "Touch of Cookie Monster" shade. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Both Ways

Finally, a storyline I can believe! A rich and powerful man who thinks he's entitled to a woman's friendship even after they've stopped dating! Was this torn directly from the headlines? If so, from which planet?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Bad Timing

Casey is on vacation, lucky her, so I get to comment on this...affair?...that doesn't seem like the right word.  How about awkward chasteness?

Poor Governor Trog...He's got a thing for ladies in matronly, pink blouses.   They will only break your heart...

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

One More Drink

Oh, sure. One more drink of the blackest of bile. Why not. What harm has that ever done. To us., this tar bile, what's the vintage on—AHHHHH OH NO HOW DID OUR LIP RINGS GET STUCK TOGETHER??? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD A LIP RING

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Living the Dream

"Peter, I'm a modern woman.  I wear Peter Pan blouses and have stylish flapper curls.  I entertain gentlemen unchaperoned in my home at night.  I'm living the dream of every single matron in the city.  Now, would you like another glass of Texas tea?"

Monday, August 12, 2013

It Hurt

Oh... man. So the Governor's behavior is less "self-destructive and licentious" and more "self-destructive and nostalgic." Not as exciting! But actually, it makes sense: in A3G times, you can only sleep with someone if you're married to them, preferably for two or more years.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Dodging the Question

He probably got distracted by the fancy guilded mirror that appeared out of nowhere. Or that he appears to be growing a second shoulder in the last panel.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Fire Away, Zoey!

Nevermind the retro attitudes here about how marriages come to pass or what's considered desirable in a woman, I've totally given up on this being 2013. But I mean, you guys should go on a date first, really. Talk. Hold hands. Kiss. Learn about past failed engagements. (Lu Ann is not the quick-to-marry type, Gov!)

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Chess or Politics

They better be exchanging smooches by the end of the week or else I really don't understand what's going on here. I feel like I don't understand political scandals AT ALL. This is supposed to be scandalous, right? Are the Governor's aides all busy covering up this intense, time-consuming chess-based relationship? When conducting an affair with an older woman, is the woman supposed to deliberately look as old and fussy as possible? Also, does the governor, like, have to spend any time in Albany? At all?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Third Visit This Month

It's over! The time of Lu Ann has passed. It's funny that Margo can end a story that's been dragging with just a few choice words. Now we get to spend some time with Governor Troglodyte and Zoey "Squiggles and Giggles" Ziggler... who is suddenly old? Maybe Greg spends so much time there because he's looking for a mother figure. Just like Don Draper!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Dinner Plans

"Do I have to remind you of the dinner depth chart?
1) Tommie.  She's our A game.  I mean we didn't even really have to have a plan B.  Even when she was working doubles at the hospital, she would come home during her break and fix my, I mean our,  dinner.  Have you seen her around lately? It's unusual for her to spend this much time away from the apartment...
2) You.  Not because you can cook, because you can't, but because you're usually here and with moderate supervision you can boil water.
3) We order sacks of takeout from "Totin'," New York's only "all you can haul" eatery!
4) We eat the pink flowering plant and sip shower puddle water until we die or Tommie comes back."

Monday, August 5, 2013

Not Fair

AWWW YEAH! No one can do it like Margo. I feel like Casey, Megan and I have been spending weeks racking our brains on how to comment on this storyline, which is by turns sad, boring, offensive, and baffling (was Cole's story not enough without introducing a brain tumor on top of everything). We should've just done it the Margo way! HEY LU ANN, life's not fair, get used to it. For example, Margo just got dumped by her boyfriend who she refused to talk to, and then she got a hangnail on top of everything. THAT'S LIFE, BABY!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Sunday Recap

Friday, August 2nd

That was the short version of this story?!?!  I think a brain tumor is going to be pretty hard to hide, especially if you're undergoing treatment.

Marty: "Daddy, why is all your hair gone?"
Cole: "It's no big deal Marty, I am just auditioning for the role of Telly Savalas in a Lifetime movie..."
Marty: "But you're not an actor..."
Cole: "What's that?  Great conversation honey, I have to go for more radia...I mean to Radiation's where they're filming my movie.  Why don't you go visit Lu Ann at the gallery?"

Saturday, August 3rd

"Here Cole, let me pinch your shoulder.  The mild pain you feel will distract you from your brain tumor/PTSD/chronic pain/alcoholism/keeping a life or death secret from your only child.  There...doesn't that feel better?"

Friday, August 2, 2013

Triple Threat

Can't you see I don't want to talk about my chronic pain, depression, and substance abuse? I have bigger problems... like half of my face trying to crawl over to the other side.

Do they still use Agent Orange? Because I think that might explain what's happening here. Except that Lu Ann's face seems to be having the same reaction, so who knows. Maybe the cottage pictures are really Magic Eyes and they're just struggling to focus.