No Time for Tears

Look at Thelma... smirking! So smug in her relationship with that sage-suited Cary Grant. On the plus side, I think this is the first time I've ever seen a dog in the strip, and it turned out pretty cute.

Margo Breaks Down

Ooh. You know you're in a bad mood when you sour the kelly green curtains.

According to our labeling system, in the almost-six-year (yike) history of this strip, Margo has cried in four panels total prior to today's meltdown, including one bout of tears that instantly turned to suspicion, and one spell of crocodile tears. For comparison, Lu Ann has eight panels of tears. Seven for Tommie. Apparently she only cried once about the whole "fake fiancee dying in a plane crash" thing? But she spent aaaaaaaaages in a tearless animal ranching funk.

Change of Plans

Wait, what was Margo's advice?  To go to the courthouse on a weekday and then just go to the Olive Garden afterwards?  Because at this point, that's the best advice that could possibly be given.  Sure, you can get much better Italian food almost anywhere, but people will totally load up on free salad and breadsticks and then eat less of their entrees, which will keep costs down.  Plus, old people think it's fancy.

Also, I thought Margo super didn't want to help plan this wedding.  So much so that she dumped it on Sam.  I'm confused.

Tracks of My Tears

I think the exposition in the first panel pretty much sums up how all of us here at the blog feel about this storyline "As Tommie speaks, Maggie, Casey and Megan weep silently to themselves/bash their heads against their keyboards/try to think of a witty comment about background inconsistencies."

I know, Carol, we all find it upsetting and disturbing that someone would propose marriage to Tommie, while you became an old maid pining for a vagabond farmer.  I mean she has red hair and a bowl cut!

Who Are You?

Ah. I see. I was out last week, so now every feels like they can foist these super boring exposition strips on me. Payback's a snitch.

Thursday September 4, 2014

A love so great and a pain so deep, all you can really do is smirk about it, you know?

Friday September 5, 2014

Is this a good "meet-cute" story, or just a boring one? I can't tell. I first met my husband in an extremely boring manner—at a bar, at a work function—but when I tell people how we met, I usually skip two months ahead to the house party where I took a swig of the scotch he got from a friend overseas and then threw up in the corner of the living room. Because it's more interesting!

Hard to Bear

Wait, someone left Tommie's presence emotionally beaten down and in tears?  Margo would be so proud!  Spending time with Tommie is almost as unbearable as commenting any more on this storyline.


If only Tommie's being able to see Carol's tears despite looking at the back of her head meant she had super human vision and not that Frank and Shulock can't draw/write cohesive action.

The Floodgates Open

Don't blame yourself and your perception of your maneater sexiness, Tommie--let's face it, this was Lily's fault. She was just too cute to leave! And now she must pay... The Yearling-style.

No, No, NO!!!

Rose's single majestic tear in the first panel might suggest otherwise, but could this be a massive conspiracy on Rose's part to keep Tommie from marrying her son? Now all Rose has to do is kidnap Jim, who's totally alive, and keep him hostage until Tommie starts dating someone else, which should be... oh... who am I kidding! That's implausible for so many reasons.

Jim's just dead I guess. Man! Jim was in exactly two weeks of strips, and while he was instantly fast-tracked to the rank of "fiancee," his death feels a smidge too soon for my taste. I feel like the cat that catches a mouse and kills it before she's done playing with it.

Oh well. I guess we can all still root for an extended storyline of Margo and Lu Ann thinking Tommie just totally made up her boyfriend!

BONUS FOOTAGE: planes crashing and people screaming "NO!!!" always remind me of Star Fox 64.

He Just Stares at Me

Oh jeez. How long has he been having a seizure now?? I'm guessing we skipped the panel where Marty opened the door and Lu Ann gave her a big comforting hug. Hopefully we also skipped the panel where the EMTs called to apologize to Marty for being so late. This city and its first responders!

I'm Here, Peter

Darling, you sit down and get comfortable. I'll just nip into the other room and change into something more appropriate. Like a long-sleeved pink polo shirt. I know they comfort you when you feel all is lost.

Dear Margo

 

Margo seems to have learned the hard way that playing hard-to-get can sometimes backfire. "He's just doing his job. James Bond is far too suave to write sappy love letters to his publicist/promise ring wearer. But now I feel strange. Like I can't access the deep pool of rage and contempt is usually there. And I have this salty watery discharge coming out of my eyes/sticking to my face. Do you think I should see a doctor? I hope it's nothing serious."

I'm Allergic

Amateur move, Margo! If you had just said "I'm allergic to your face" or "I'm allergic to stupidity," Lu Ann would've walked away in a huff and you wouldn't need to explain away your yucky emotions.

My Generation

 

I hope that Gary having a brown headstone doesn't mean he's interred in the special section of Arlington reserved for cowards.  Seriously, everyone knows that those headstones are all white, what are you doing colorist?  You got those ones in the back right.

According to Gary's date of birth, we're very close to the same age, which means that the woman with the Farrah flip and Peter Pan collar is supposed to be of my peer group.  I'm guessing that Frank Bolle missed this past season of Girls?

The spoken sob is the most wrenching human grief sound, few can resist it's siren call.  Does Lu Ann, empowered by visiting Gary's cardboard headstone, become a passionate anti-war activist?   Or will she fall into a doomed romance with the off-panel voice which will presumably belong to a "handsome" (Paul Linski in uniform) veteran, who will help her get over Gary, but will probably be redeployed/consumed by carnivorous mist?

He's James Bond, You Know!

Da-ADDDDD...! Didn't you know Greg Cooper was James Bond? ...you didn't? Damn. I've really been meaning to put out that press release.

Rough Day

It was smart of Tommie to whip up those fake tears and deflect how she somehow lost the Professor, because now she can get the conversation back to what she's interested in: how she and Lu Ann are going to divide up Margo's stuff when she kicks it.

Tommie: I hope Margo will be okay, but honestly, it could go either way at this point. So what do you think we should do with her room? You want to flip a coin for it, or should we finally set up that crafting room we've been talking about?
Lu Ann: Wait, Tommie, I'm confused--shouldn't you be looking for the Professor?
Tommie: He's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, Lu Ann....! Just a little tired.
Meanwhile...
Professor: (charred, smoking body halfway down the apartment stairs) My.... chest....
Paramedic: Buddy, you know I can't help you until you reach the lobby area. (filing his nails)
Professor: (body disintegrates into a pile of dust)
Paramedic: Welp! My hands were tied. (packs up first aid kit)

Go Nina!

Wednesday, April 25

All I can say to Nina is: you go, girlfriend! Seriously, who would come home to her husband kissing her friend, empty bottle of wine nearby, and say "Oh, OK, if you insist it was innocent." I would kick his ass, so I approve of Nina's unbelievably deep frown and swear words. I also enjoy the word "lurches" and I'm sure if she heard that description of her pregnant self storming away, she'd be thrilled.

Thursday, April 26

Actually, Tommie, I'm not sure if this is part of a midwife's job description, but I do understand your desire to stick around and watch all of the juicy drama unfold. Maybe you can write a song about it!

No Harm Done, Right?

I'd like to think Nina is putting on some fake tears so Tommie won't be mad at her for forgetting her appointment/forgetting that she's pregnant, but I bet it's just those womanly hormones acting up. She probably saw a picture of a sad puppy, or read one of those chain letters about drunk driving--you know how women are. Either that, or god she needs a cigarette.

Girls' Homes Have Cooties

Aw, it almost breaks my cold heart. Lu Ann all doe-eyed, Ruby all.... well, I guess that's a tear coming from her eye. Oh my gosh reunion tiiiiimee! Or, perhaps, time for lots of exposition about how sad Lu Ann is not to have known her father, before he succumbed to the curse of the A3G male, and how this must be the cause of her problems with men. That, or we're about to be reintroduced to Mr. Kevin Linski.

Ruby Breaks Down

Wow. For a break down, this is rather mellow. Just one stubborn tear and a couple mechanical sob...s, not even meritted by a speech bubble. I expected more, especially for Ruby! You know, like real, flat-out bawling. Snorting, choking sobs, directed into her own open (but clenched) hands. Howls of pain and remorse. Weird high-pitched whines. Maybe a brief intermission where Ruby goes into a frenzy and tears down the drapes. Then, back to the uncontrollable tears and congested, barely audible whispers of "I'm sorry Lu Ann I'm so sorry"

Or at least some bobbling!

Yes Lu Ann, It's True!

Well, I guess this is the hysterical, tear-rending reaction Maggie was talking about? Ruby's single tear, followed by Mim's contrite single tear... and then Lu Ann's calm "OK plot device, you've done your work, see you in a few years"?

I gotta say, Ruby gave in really fast there. No one ever tell Ruby a secret. Especially not a state secret. Can you imagine how fast she'd cave under the threat of waterboarding?