Shocker

 

Abigail is a fairly common name, Scott, no need to question it.  It's actually #11 for girls in 2012: http://www.babycenter.com/popularBabyNames.htm?year=2012

But it's just to set up Tommie for the "What? Little old me?  I'm so flattered..." routine, while she was skulking in the shadows.

Pass the Baby

Someone's going to have to teach these people how to hold a baby. Unfortunately, Tommie snuck down the fire escape. You're on your own, folks. Hope you still have those books.

Fred Enters

Boy, it's like Fred walked in and sucked all the interesting out of the story. I can't believe I'm saying this, but where did Tommie nip off to? Once the baby is outside of Nina's body she's pretty much done, huh?

Post Partum

Yea, but she's still going to need those towels to mop up the afterbirth.  I hope that beanbag chair is machine washable!  I think we're about due for Margo to put this birth announcement in the rumor mill!

As for the name, I'm going with either Nina's mother's name or we never get a name and jump directly into another storyline.  

The Tiny Miracle

WHOA WHOA WHOA I guess once you've got the baby in position and you're fully dialated, the baby pretty much just shoots out of you and you're done. So YAYYYYYY! Great job everybody! Now we can move on and forget about the Gaines, just as they've already forgotten about their baby. I mean, once we've cleaned up the placenta.

Before we banish the Gaines to their off-screen domestic bliss, a quick poll: what do you think they're going to name the baby? Some obvious contenders:

• Tommie (best midwife eva)
• Margo (best publicist eva)
• Nina's mother's name ("this one's for you, mama!")
• Nina Jr.

Why Can't Nina Figure Out What's Going On

Wow.  Just...wow.  "Hmm, I wonder what happens now?  Do we get to go out for dinner and drinks on the town?"  No, now we deliver your baby in your unsterile living room, while we ignore the rational and safe decision of going to a hospital.  But I did bring these gloves that were left over from my jazz dance class just to try and keep things clean.

Can't Go On

Now, I don't pretend to be an authority on childbirth or anything, but... you can't just stop and give up halfway through having a baby, right? I mean, the baby's not going to be cool with that. Is this why Nina wanted Tommie instead of paramedics? Because she thought the paramedics would force her to have the baby no matter what, but maybe--just maybe--she could boss Tommie into letting her... stop... having it!? You know, if she got super tired??

Nina: I need this to be over now, Tommie. I can't go on!
Tommie: Come on, Nina. You're tough! Just like my Wrangler leather jacket! See?
Nina: Nope! Pretty sure I'm gonna give up!
Tommie: Okay, we gave it a shot. (speaking directly to Nina's stomach) Sorry, we're packing it in for the night. You just took too long!
Nina: That'll teach it a lesson!
Tommie: Right! We'll give labor another shot in a couple of weeks.
Nina: Make it a month. July is booked solid for me.
Scott: So... no baby tonight? But we'll have it eventually, right? You want me to make you nachos, sweetie?
Nina: GOD you're dumb!! But yes.

Good Girl

I can see that you're busy, but doing what, exactly? What position is she supposed to be in here?

To be fair, Tommie should choose her words more carefully if she doesn't want Nina to lash out. I doubt that Nina would agree that any contraction is "nice" and calling her a "good girl" might be a tad condescending. But what she lacks in bedside manner, she makes up for with a complete lack of experience.

Holy Hannah!

Hauling out insults, invoking Hannah Montana, and insinuating pregnancy yoga techniques while showing us absolutely nothing: this story has it all and I love it!! Everybody bobble now!

Natal Yoga

Scott does not seem like he's on board for the whole "help Nina contort herself so this baby finally comes out" plan.  I bet he's back there texting the proper medical authorities to get over to Gaines Manor ASAP.  

I wonder if there is a maternal positioning Twister mat?

Sweat the Technique

NINA!! Whether you should trust Tommie's non-expert advice or not, you've ensured that this is your only option, so just deal! God, this is all so annoying! The only thing pulling me through all this is Scott. I love his awkward expressions and his clumsy attempts to stay involved. Also love that he instantly reneged on his promise to Nina to "hold me tight and never let me go."

"You got it, sweetie! I'll never let go! Just gotta... check the back of the room... for dust bunnies. Then I'll loom over you and grin, just like we agreed to!"

Promises, promises

I think the colorist may have fallen asleep in the second panel to due boredom at Nina's being in labor for approximately two weeks.  Am I the only one that thinks white shirts were a poor choice for home labor?  I hope Nina and Scott have a good dry cleaner/went to Costco and bought a metric ton of OxyClean.

Clearly, allowing your rookie midwife to practice a new technique on you, while shunning modern medical advances is the best and only option.  Tommie doesn't look worried at all.

Maternal Positioning

Thursday July 5, 2012

Looks like Nina was pretty much ready to accept death rather than suck it up and get in an ambulance. The lovable little scamp. So what is this radical third option?

Friday July 6, 2012

Maternal positioning! ....what the heck is that? Scott doesn't even know, and he read the books. I am somewhat mad that A3G is making me learn things, but I can't be TOO mad when my research takes me to a website called "Spinning Babies.com." Go on, click on that link and take a look at those lists of maternal positions. Which ones do you think Frank Bolle will try to not illustrate?

Decision Time

I hope all the loyal blog readers had enjoyable Independence Day festivities!  Here's a recap of Nina's baby's struggle for independence:

Tuesday, July 3rd

 

This is fantastic!  Tommie's having intense thought bubbling with facial and hand gestures, while Scott keeps peeking over her shoulder to see what the hell the plan is.  Meanwhile, Nina's presumably freaking out on her beanbag chair.  Take your time Tommie, no rush.

I hope this ends with a Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman style unsterile birth/probably avoidable makeshift surgical procedure.  There's always a risk of infection.

Wednesday, July 4th

 

I find it hard to believe that Scott read the books, based on his co-idiocy with Nina about this birth.  Because I'm dedicated to accuracy, I read the Wikipedia article on breech birth: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breech_birth

You're welcome for some of the disturbing medical images.  So it seems like while it is most common in the United States to deliver breech babies via Caesarean section, it's possible to just to defy nature and push that sucker out.  Luckily we have a midwife with zero experience and an inadequate medical environment for the delivery.  PUSH!!!

Sonogram

Nina, relax, the hardest part is over! The sonogram is totally done! Now all you have to do is suffer through a few measly hours of labor/appendicitis and just push out the baby/your appedix!

The Other Pain

I don't know, is it too harsh to say that Nina seems really really dumb? I mean, I'd be like HOLY CRAP TOMMIE YOU HAVE TO HELP ME I HAVE A BABY COMING OUT OF ME AND APPENDICITIS ALL AT ONCE. At least get that on the table as a possibility. Does Nina know so very little about birthin babies that jabbing side pain might be something that happens? "No it's the other pain on my side, it's agony! I believe it's... it's the baby? punching my ovary in anger?? He doesn't want to leave the nest, Tommie! Pretty sure I'm incubating a hellspawn here! Pretty sure it'll kill me and all! With its tiny tiny punches that hurt so so much!" ...but no paramedics, please.

Exams Are the Worst

Yes, Nina, the worst thing that's about to happen to you is that Tommie is going to examine you. Dear God, not the examination!
You might want to focus on the bowling bowl that's about to push itself out of you.

PS, am I the only one who thinks Tommie looks like a cute little boy scout in the first panel? "Just here to earn my birthing badge."

Something is Wrong

What's that, pumpkin? You can sense that something's wrong with the pregnancy? Are you an expert in things you've never done or read about before? Well don't you worry, sweetpants, our puppet midwife is on the way. Hopefully she's an expert at stuff she's never done before too!

It's a little late, but let's start the pool anyway. I say we see our first drawing of an infant.... July 23rd.

Tommie Can You Hear Me?

I can't stop laughing at Scott's incredibly goofy grin in the first panel.  It's completely irrelevant to everything occuring around him.  Poor Frank, this whole pregnancy thing is really taxing his drawing abilities.  He has to draw Scott being reassuring, which he kind of succeeds at, albeit he's being reassuring that giant, green pillow/bean bag chair.  And Nina doesn't look in pain in the first panel, she looks super pissed off at Scott's heavy petting/grin, and in the second panel it looks like she's transforming into a She Hulk.  Look at those guns!

Tommie will probably have to stop and have some thought bubbles about the impending birth/her nervousness about midwifery, plus she's going to have to tell Margo where she's going/what is happening, and then stand there silently while Margo stokes the rumor mill.  I don't think you stoke a mill, but I'm not really up on all the latest mechanical doo-dads.  All in all, I'm going to guess Monday?  Cross those legs, Nina.

Rulebreakers

That is the most cryptic answer to the suggestion that someone call the paramedics that I have ever heard.  They follow their own rules?  I'm guessing that Nina does not give to her local fire house when they call annually for donations.

Tommie to the rescue!  A home birth with a rookie midwife is clearly the safer option than going to a sterile medical facility with trained professionals.