Thursday, February 28, 2013

Tell, Don't Show

Apparently Gabriella isn't the only one who's possessed by a member of Margo's family... it appears that Greg has been possessed by her Italian grandmother.

That, or he's the perfect boyfriend.

It's good to see 3G following its usual "tell, don't show" strategy and (I'm assuming) getting ready to recap the exciting and really, really confusing events of the past month or so!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

All Grown Up

Not sure what Gabriella is concerned about in the first panel. Is she worried that Margo's lungs reverted back to smoky decay, and she's collapsed face-down somewhere on the streets of New York? Or does she think Margo stayed out all night partying again, and slept over at a MAN'S apartment?? We all know Santa Maria would not approve.

I don't know, but with Gabriella's newfound WASPiness, she's probably just going to be super passive-aggressive about it. Just like Bobbie Merrill!! Oh my gosh, BRAINSTORM: what if Bobbie Merrill has possessed the body of Gabriella?? Yes. That would make the new Gabriella okay in my book.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Occupy 3G

"That's great Lu Ann!  Let me get my guitar and Birkenstocks and then we'll head over there right away.  Should we start singing Blowin' In The Wind or set up our tent first?"

So I guess Evan's in jail?  Great storytelling arc, guys.  Haven't you heard of a denouement?  At least we know where Martin and Gabriella's swarthy hair went.  And Ruby wouldn't be caught dead with only a single ribbon!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Just One Problem

OH MY GOD! Professor! You're okay! And we never had to check on you or anything! Ya just.. ya just survived. Like, unassisted. It's like the heart attack/smoke inhalation/abandonment issue never even happened! That's so great, Prof. You even managed to keep that cute little Amish chin beard going after all this time. Good for you!

Good thing Evan turned himself in for reasons as mysterious as why he made a bomb in the first place! Otherwise, maybe we couldn't've skipped ahead a month later into January. Because of, you know, the excitement and intrigue. The media would've probably pegged him as the Fishsticks Bomber... man!! This resolution is about as anticlimactic as the "Bobbie Merrill waves a gun around, then gets distracted by her cellphone and decides, ehhhhh, forget it" finale of 2010.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

I Knew It!

You should have known that Evan would escalate from flattering Margo into a false sense of security while stealing Margo's clients to constructing a bomb, elaborately wrapping it in graph paper and leaving it in her closet while dressed like the Gorton's fisherman?  That's impressive foresight. 

Isn't Martin wealthy?  He couldn't spring for IHOP?  The Manhattan General Cafeteria selection looks...nonexistent.  Greg will be much more able to regale Martin and Gabriella with the Evan backstory if he's got a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity under his belt.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Breathing Treatment

Wow. When did Apartment 3-G turn into a David Lynch movie? Suddenly they're in a completely different room, with a random nurse (who is NOT wearing her old timey cap, the horror!) who insists on some "breathing treatment." Margo just sits there, strangely, silently. Her "mama" flies at her from the background, before stopping short. Martin makes an obscure comment about breakfast. Does he expect Gabriella to make it for them? Does he expect her to watch? And in the background, a shirtless midget in body paint juggles fire. ....Okay, not that last part, but I have a feeling that's just because Mr. Bolle had trouble drawing it.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

He's James Bond, You Know!

Da-ADDDDD...! Didn't you know Greg Cooper was James Bond? didn't? Damn. I've really been meaning to put out that press release.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Bless You, Mr. Cooper!

Oh nooooooo! Guys! Why are Martin and Gabriella all super duper WASP-y now!? I guess Martin was always WASP-y, but he had that wild mismatched hair as a distraction. But Gabriella! Oh no, Gabriella, no! She used to have a glorious bubble of dark, glossy, and most certainly ethnic hair, but now she's sporting the same sad little flip that all the old ladies get! I mean, does that look like a lady who would spontaneously blurt out Spanish and believe in evil spirits? Certainly not. This lady believes in English breakfast tea and, I dunno, maybe solving mysteries? I'm definitely getting a detective vibe from that get-up.

Guys... I'm pretty upset. I don't even think I care about when they're going to find the Professor's corpse anymore.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

All Smiles

Everyone put on your most forced and unnatural smiles, Margo's going to pull through!  It was a little bit dicey there for a while, what with all the sugar coating and possible tissue damage.  Greg seems pretty pleased with himself in the last panel; he can't wait to go and get his hero's welcome from Margo and her next of kin.  He was so brave!  Risking his own hands to save his one true love and no one else!  He was so concerned with her that he ignored an older man who rushed to save everyone in the building, then promised to stick with this older gentlemen after he complained of chest pain and shortness of breath, only to abandon him out of concern for Margo.

Monday, February 18, 2013

In the Wee Hours...

It might be a little soon to call this after just two panels of resuscitated Margo, but she seems totally fine! Like, yeah, probably genuinely hungover, but not as teary, wheezy, near-deathy as I suspected. Good thing no one called her parents! CHUCKLE chuckle chuckle!

So Greg is fine, Margo is fine, Tommie finally had time to put down her bag--I guess that's everyone!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Critical Care

"If something happens to Margo, I won't know what to do with myself.  I've been following her orders to the letter for the last thirty years.  I'M INCAPABLE OF INDEPENDENT THOUGHT AND ACTION!  You have to save her Sylvia!"

Friday, February 15, 2013

Rough Day

It was smart of Tommie to whip up those fake tears and deflect how she somehow lost the Professor, because now she can get the conversation back to what she's interested in: how she and Lu Ann are going to divide up Margo's stuff when she kicks it.
Tommie: I hope Margo will be okay, but honestly, it could go either way at this point. So what do you think we should do with her room? You want to flip a coin for it, or should we finally set up that crafting room we've been talking about?
Lu Ann: Wait, Tommie, I'm confused--shouldn't you be looking for the Professor?
Tommie: He's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, Lu Ann....! Just a little tired.
Professor: (charred, smoking body halfway down the apartment stairs) My.... chest....
Paramedic: Buddy, you know I can't help you until you reach the lobby area. (filing his nails)
Professor: (body disintegrates into a pile of dust)
Paramedic: Welp! My hands were tied. (packs up first aid kit)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Worst Valenmas Ever

While Lu Ann hurts her pretty little head trying to grasp the concept of "fire," which apparently is so above her that she believes only a Professor could explain it (he's not that kind of Professor, Lu Ann), poor Ari is dying of smoke inhalation somewhere and absolutely none of his friends/neighbors seem to care. Happy Valentine's Day, Ari - er... I mean, Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Oh, Please

Did Greg just say "Oh, please"? That's just what I was thinking! Greg, please, you've known Margo for a few months (which is being generous, since it's still Christmas in A3G world), and the majority of the time she was busy being irritated and not publicizing you. There is no call for this kind of theatricality. Especially since maybe Margo just forgot to mention you. She does that to Tommie all the time. Greg, take a cue from James Bond and just keep some of those thoughts inside the ol' noggin

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


Wow, movie stars must have great health insurance.  An overnight stay for, at best, marginally burned hands?  "Oh you've got StarHealth USA PPO? Well right this way, SIR!  You can stay as long as you like, please enjoy our luxury giant downy pillow and one hundred percent cotton hospital gown.  We've also decorated our best rooms with the latest art works by reknowned squiggle artist Lu Ann Powers, done in a calming chartreuse theme."

Monday, February 11, 2013

Don't Sugarcoat It

Claire, this is Tommie you're talking to. Tommie Thompson. You know she can take it! This is her house, Claire! Don't mess with Tommie, or you're in for a world of hurt! Tommie doesn't play by the rules, she makes them up as she goes. She takes her purse wherever she pleases, she has no regard for your cubbies! And she doesn't wear your old timey starched hats, either!

Next of kin?? The reappearance of Bobbie the Bobble Merrill?? Yes please!

Saturday, February 9, 2013


"But I was in your apartment last night/week, and I didn't see any evidence of Margo having a roommate!"  Geeze Tommie, maybe you should go home every once and a while and meet your neighbors.  "Paging a psych consult on 1..."

Friday, February 8, 2013

Greg Lurches Toward Tommie

Thursday February 6, 2013

 Friday February 7, 2013
I think Molly hit the nail on the head in yesterday's comments: the saddest part about all this is that Greg's old pal the Professor was clearly in the early stages of a heart attack, and Greg ditched him to find out where his boozy, sleepy publicist went. She was barely breathing because of her drunken sleep apnea!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Agitated and Confused

I'm going to ignore today's strip because I don't know what's going on. (Why is Greg so freaked out by that question? Is it a weird for her to ask? Am I the weird one??) Instead, I'll just say: even though I love Margo best of all, it is a little galling that she's going to take credit for being the world's best publicist after Greg is in the papers for saving a woman and an old man from a burning building. She's going to bed in a hospital bed and say something weakly yet wryly, like "I told you I'm the best publicist...!" and fall asleep. I don't really know why Evan was suddenly mad/ruthless enough to try to burn Margo alive, but after this, I bet he'll be mad enough to want to vaporize her molecules.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


"Other than this filing cabinet that has been following me around all morning?  You see it too right?!?! RIGHT?!?!?!  TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING AGAIN!!  I'm sorry, your old apartment burned down, but you don't care about that.  You live here with us now...Hey, why aren't you wearing your hat?"

Monday, February 4, 2013

Nurses' Quarters

Hmm, Ari just started showing early signs of a heart attack, I wonder why we suddenly changed perspectives to Tommie in the hospital? P.S. I love that Tommie works at the only hospital in New York where nurses still wear those paper hats. That must've factored into her decision to work there. Plus all the nurses get to wear white coats like the doctors! Very egalitarian.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Labored Breathing

"Ari!  You're so...white!  Are you sure you're feeling OK?"  I must say, this whole episode isn't exactly a ringing endorsement for New York's finest.  Am I really supposed to believe that a wheezy Colonel Sanders and fake James Bond saved the whole building before the firemen showed up?  I hope Greg's arms aren't too tired from carrying Margo, it looks like he's got another damsel in distress to save.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Don't Be a Hero!

After one millisecond of tension that Greg might be taking on too much just to "be a hero," it turns out... the Professor just did all the work for him. What?? Are there only three floors? How did he empty the entire building? Wasn't everyone asleep? I guess everybody else is a much lighter sleeper than Margo. Hey wait, I'm not seeing any hilarious sound effects for the fire detectors. Or any sprinkler system, for that matter! Hey, who owns this building anyway?