We Have News!

Poor Tommie. I'm pretty sure she was going inside to give them some privacy when suddenly they appeared before her like a glitch in the matrix. P.S. That is some deeply solemn smooching.

So we have news!

• We're in love!
• We're getting married!
• We want to start a band!
• We're adopting a deer!
• We're adopting you!
• We're selling the ranch!
• We're moving to Manhattan!
• We're moving in with the Big Wheel!
• We're ending the storyline!
• We're ending the strip!

Any possibility I missed?

One Is Never Enough

Is there a reason everyone ran inside and shut the door as soon as I showed up? Do I stink like a six-month old turtleneck? Oh, you want me to do the thing where we put our faces close together in a gesture of intimacy. Okay, but I might need to leave for another three months after this!

A good scrubbing, a good scrubbing, where have I heard that before...

Your help is required, Ruby! We miss you! We miss everyone who isn't Tommie or Carol!

A Proper Kiss

I'm back!  Many thanks to Maggie and Casey for covering this scintillating story line while I was traveling for work.   So Lily is still MIA, Tommie is damaged and this old Lu Ann is trying to smooch on Dr. Jack?

Jack and Carol are attempting the high degree of difficulty, rarely attempted, fully vertical kiss.  It requires deep concentration and extremely small noses.

Never Enough

Ah, young love.  The rarely attempted perpendicular angle kiss and pushing your girlfriend from room to room by the shoulders.

I hope you have enough time to help Tommie finish cleaning up fawn excrement because that's what's happening while you guys are romancing.

One More Drink

Oh, sure. One more drink of the blackest of bile. Why not. What harm has that ever done. To us. ...mm, this tar bile, what's the vintage on—AHHHHH OH NO HOW DID OUR LIP RINGS GET STUCK TOGETHER??? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD A LIP RING

Time To Go

As darkness falls across the land (as evidenced by the bright white clouds in the background), two young(ish?) lovers smooch for the last time. I know we're all speculating about the on-set accident that will kill/maim Greg and destroy their love Ethan Frome style/make Greg die, but I think distance is going to be the real killer for these two crazy kids. Especially when you're as young(ish) and good-looking (allegedly) as Greg Cooper. And we've all seen how needy/grabby Skyler is, am I right? Am I?

Little Yellow Riding Hood

Thursday, January 3rd

Bless her sweet little heart!  Now a creepy Gorton's fisherman can leave her a graph paper wrapped box that probably contains something equally creepy.  A victory for lax personal security!

Friday, January 4th 

Seriously Evan, you've been inside for at least ten minutes.  You can put the hood down.  Would Margo spend the night at Greg's place?   Has that ever happened in the history of this strip?  And how would it ruin your surprise?  Isn't there an equally likely possibility that she won't open her closet tonight or be too tired to open your box?  The last panel is classic.  Who wouldn't be crazy about a guy in a mustard parka who leaves creepy gifts in your apartment when you're not there.

Saturday, January 5th

I've always been preternaturally gifted at following the instructions on the back of the Swiss Miss box.  In other news it looks like there was a two for one deal on his and hers mustard outerwear.  Margo, isn't your spider sense warning you of Greg's creepy behavior across the hall?

Hyperextension

The magic is starting to fade Evan, this kiss didn't even bathe you in a warm glow.  On the plus side, you're probably going to have give Margo another massage for the uncomfortable hyperextended position that her neck is in.  Warm up your massage finger.

October Surprise!

Saturday, October 20th

I really wasn't expecting an Evan kiss to have the power to transport the two of them into the corona of the Sun bathed in radiance.  I just didn't think he had it in him.

Monday, October 22nd

 

How did you get in the building?  Doesn't that doorman do anything all day?  Margo can go two weeks without communication from her biggest client?  You'd think she'd at least want to have a current address so that her huge staff can send out the enormous bills she's probably chargin.

Tuesday, October 23rd

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  Taser lady is taking her 50,000 volts of justice to Boca Raton?  Will the taser even function correctly in that humidity?  She might also be able to use it as a portable defibrillator on Bingo nights/early bird specials though.

Oh, Honey...

We already knew Margo was a bad person, and suspected that she wasn't very good at her job... but wow, Skyler has low self-esteem. Grateful to be the client of someone who, it seems, has no big clients to speak of and treats the few she has like crap? Oh, honey.

Ohhhh, honey. Yeah, not only does she allow Margo to walk all over her, but apparently all it takes is a few well-place compliments and she's all over Evan. Evan, of all people. Well, maybe he gave her a really good neck massage...

He's Just Not That Into Lu Ann

Oh. Man. Lu Ann's offer of private canoodling just got straight up rejected and she stills asks for a smooch! I know Lu Ann is going for "brazen," but she's coming off "desperate."

We've all been this girl before, right? The guy is all being polite and making up errands he has to do to instead of hanging out, and the girl is just like, oookay, but I know you super duper want to hang out with me later! I'll make my world-famous brownies! We can talk about our future--I mean not our future together necessarily, unless you want that?? I mean, whatever! I'll bring brownies. And vodka! We can tell each other secrets and--no I know, you have errands, but next time. You have my number, right?? Let me just give it to you really quick. No come on, real quick, let's exchange numbers. Come on! Brownies! COME ON!

The Hospital Wins

Sorry I've been out of commission, guys. I've been out with a fever. Olympic fever. It's been... all-consuming. I mean, I'm literally losing sleep over this nonsense. I can't help it. I love it so.

SO ANYWAY! Awww. First we ignore Lu Ann, now we're getting rid of Rick, AKA Rick-E of Boys on the Street? I suppose this means we'll never be visiting the sound studio/Kennedy Space Center ever again. I think I'll miss that most of all. Goodbye, White Bread Studios. I'll see you... in my dreams.

The Tiny Miracle

WHOA WHOA WHOA I guess once you've got the baby in position and you're fully dialated, the baby pretty much just shoots out of you and you're done. So YAYYYYYY! Great job everybody! Now we can move on and forget about the Gaines, just as they've already forgotten about their baby. I mean, once we've cleaned up the placenta.

Before we banish the Gaines to their off-screen domestic bliss, a quick poll: what do you think they're going to name the baby? Some obvious contenders:

• Tommie (best midwife eva)
• Margo (best publicist eva)
• Nina's mother's name ("this one's for you, mama!")
• Nina Jr.

GASP! KISS! Drunken fools!

So it seems that Maggie has taken a little hiatus from blogging JUST AS THINGS GET INTERESTING!

Monday, April 23rd

A) Am I the only one that finds it awkward that Tommie is following Nina up the steps?
B) The second panel is the greatest that I have yet encountered during my tenure on the blog.  It's got everything!  Nina shouting "GASP!!" and Margo and Scott planting a powerful unified kiss simultaneously on each other's jawbones. 

Tuesday, April 24th

I like how Margo can tolerate being referred to as a "so-called friend," yet she will not be called a drunken fool.  Didn't Nina see how tiny those wine glasses were?  In Scott and Margo's defense, they were clearly kissing each other on the cheek/jaw, with no lips and certainly no tongue.  However, their below the belt parts were clearly touching and they were getting a little handsy.  Nina's so dejected in the last panel, so I'm tempted to rule in her favor.

Kissing Cousins

Whuh oh, Paul. Looks like Lu Ann's giving all her smooches to Ruby. Not good news for you, pal. Or "Master of Puppets" Mama Linski. I try to keep this blog pretty PG but... I mean, that's pretty racy for 3G. PRETTY RACY. I'm pretty sure in Apartment 3G, a kiss on the cheek is second base, maybe third. I think Lu Ann's just lashing out against the establinskiment; as for Ruby, there are three ways to interpret her expression in the second panel: 1. agape 2. eros 3. straight-up sleepiness (it was a long day)

Degrassi: the Lu Ann Generation

AHHHHH!! Is this an A3G strip hinting at premarital sex?? Orrrrrr... did I start watching Degrassi again? Paul saying they should stop making out "because we still can" makes me think that he's saving himself for marriage, and I'm not going to down on him for that, even though I would desperately like to make a Jonas brother/promise ring reference.

However, Paul has put Lu Ann an awkward position, since his bland good looks and white bread charm (and I guess his... luscious lips?) are clearly driving her wild. To whip out the old baseball analogy, it looks like she's caught in a rundown between first and second... or possibly second and third.

ANYWAY, parents, Ms. Shulock and Mr. Bolle have provided you with a perfect opportunity to sit your kids down and have an honest talk with them about fallopian tubes and whatnot.

Friday Slack-Off

Sorry to our loyal, dedicated readers for slacking off yesterday, it was quite a busy day. Although, when I saw what I missed posting/today's strip, I jumped right on the old interwebs to comment.

Friday, August 12th

Hot town, summer in the city. Lu Ann is seminaked, and she actually tells Paul this fact. And now she finally has someone to help her drink that lemonade!

Saturday, August 13th

Is this actual sexual innuendo? Or is Lu Ann still trying to get people to drink her vat of lemonade? Sadly, it's probably the latter. If it's so hot out, maybe Paul is suffering from heat stroke and is hallucinating that Lu Ann is a cold drink of water.

Pretty Awesome

Well, I guess now we know what "love beyond any you've ever known" refers to: the love of Paul Linski's family! Shucks. They really are great. And you too Paul, you're just the tops. Everything's really going super duper with this relationship. Good times, good times... okay, where's Margo?

Ripped Where?!

Look how joyless that kiss is, even with the Light of Smooches radiating off of them. That's how Barbie and Ken dolls look when you shove their faces together, hoping against hope you can make their marriage work (for Skipper's sake!), but it never really works out, does it? Both of them are working late hours (Ken as a model, Barbie as a teacher/doctor/rock star/mermaid whose hair changes color in warm and cold water), and before you know it, a fight breaks out! Ken slaps Barbie in the face, but then Barbie kicks her perfectly straight leg right in Ken's groin! Barbie runs out the door and hops in the convertible, but it's dark out and she's crying and SHE'S HEADING STRAIGHT FOR DEAD MAN'S CURVE!! And... THERE'S A RACCOON IN THE ROAD!! Barbie swerves to miss it, and TUMBLES OFF THE CLIFF!!! AHHHHHH!!! Later Ken finds her in the hospital and brings flowers, but Barbie has amnesia and doesn't remember him and she starts going out with Doctor Rudolfo, but it turns out that Rudolfo is evil and planted the raccoon in the road in the first place.

So.... at least Margo and Trey don't have Skipper to worry about.

Walking After Midnight

I can't help but think Gerard from yesterday's comments is right. I've been fixated on the murder thing. What if we're coming up to a wacky plot about someone stealing Trey's car--with Aunt Iris still in the back seat?? Another possible plot: Margo and Trey's faces meld together permanently. Hijinks ensue.