Monday, September 30, 2013

Quite Tired

Oof. When a guy gives you an out for visiting a funeral during his most vulnerable and emotional time? And then you TAKE that out? Bad news for the relationship. You'd better be super DUPER tired, Lu Ann. Even trog man deserves better.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

You Don't Have to Go Home...

Ugh, I thought for sure I'd get the aftermath of Marty and Tori drinking that tiny bottle of alcoholic hot sauce, but instead I get Zoe telling the Governor what we've all be thinking for weeks.  "Why don't you get up out of my toast chair, dust off the crumbs and go back to your job.  It's a long drive to Albany." 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Drink or Don't

Thursday, September 26, 2013
Jeez Marty, don't freak out just cause your dad's dying or whatever! Let's get back to what this story really should be about: teenage drug use! Pass the Smirnoff, WHOOOOOO

Friday, September 27, 2013
What's weird about this is that Tori has kind of been right about everything. (I mean, besides her anger management techniques.) She was right about Lu Ann and Cole (subconsciously) macking on each other, right about Cole's brain thing, right about Cole lying to her, right about guys having lapses in judgement when it comes to girls (sorry guys!), right about Cole being hypocritical, and right to give Marty a choice about whether she wants to drink or not. Although, DUH, drinking takes away all your problems, WHOOOOO

I can't wait until tomorrow when Marty immediately spit-takes all that vodka into Tori's face. "BLECH! People pay to drink this stuff??"

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Like, Really Bad

Oh Marty, I know you're vulnerable and everything now,but Tori is probably not the right person to ask how you can help your dad with a brain tumor. She's probably going to tell you that the best thing to do is start listening to Ke$ha and stealing all those pills that aren't working for Cole.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

To Tell the Truth

I like to think that Tori befriends only nerdy, lonely middle school girls with family problems for the sole purpose of destroying the fragile web that is their emotional world.  Margo would be so proud of her ruthlessness.  Like Pinocchio's nose, Marty grows larger as each of Cole's lies are revealed...

Monday, September 23, 2013

Just Listen

Man, they must've said something incriminating instantly. "Cole, how is your huge brain tumor effecting your relationship with Marty?" "Oh, not too bad, the lying helps!" Way to go, guys. Couldn't even give the tumor a code name or something? Mr. Lumpy? Sir Tumorsworth? Anything? Anyway, Tori has been wayyyy too mature and compassionate for my taste lately, I hope she encourages Marty to cope by cutting class and smoking in the girl's room!

Sunday, September 22, 2013


"It's a shame that he's dead and all, but he's taught you well.  Don't spend any time actually governing, propose to a woman that you hardly know and have clandestine visits to your haggard former lover.  You can do that!"

Friday, September 20, 2013

I'm Here, Peter

Darling, you sit down and get comfortable. I'll just nip into the other room and change into something more appropriate. Like a long-sleeved pink polo shirt. I know they comfort you when you feel all is lost.

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Whoa, Zoey. Pot, meet kettle.

In the first panel, Zoey totally reminds me of King Triton in that the scene in The Little Mermaid when he's all powerless and Ursula has his trident and it's all his bratty kid's fault, why couldn't she just be happy being a princess under the sea, noooo she needed to be one on the land too .... anyway, I tried to post a picture of it but it isn't working so you're going to have to take my word for it.

I know it's the middle of the night, but Zoey, you're supposed to be a stylist... and it looks like you're wearing a suit jacket, so I know you weren't sleeping. (Don't try to tell me those are pajamas. No one wears a shirt under their pajamas.)

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Your Dad's Serious Brain Problem or Something

My god. How did 13-year-old Margo get access to a time machine??

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The Truth

"Don't you at least want to know the deep dark secret that your dad has been keeping from you Marty?   Or do you not care, just like you don't want me to tell you the secret of my gravity defying bang swoop.  Well, I'm telling you.  It's melted black licorice.  I melt it myself every morning."

Monday, September 16, 2013

Just a Guy

I thought Tori would be be blabbing this all over school/Live Journal/Xanga by now, but actually she's got a pretty mature perspective! Cole, like all of us, is human; we all have regrets, weaknesses and shortcomings, and he can't outgrow them simply by being a good father. To really love someone, you have to accept everything about them, not just the parts you like. Have you ever considered that you dad needs your support just as much as you need his? GOD, Marty! And if you yell at me again, I'm going to tell everyone at school you still wet the bed.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

You're Gonna Be Sorry

Oh Marty.  Such a square.  I have a lot of sympathy for her, as a former bespectacled child.  My kindergarten teacher had to have a special show and tell the day I first wore my glasses, lest my burgeoning myopia would cause panic and alarm amongst the other normal-sighted children.   However, the cool/bad girls didn't get drunk, come to my house and call me a jerk for not eavesdropping on my parents. 

I'm really afraid that we've got about another month or more of this storyline.  I can't see an end in sight. 

Friday, September 13, 2013


"Cole, you look super duper great. And super hot. So you feel great, right? No? Not even close? Way off base? Okay. Sorry. I'll just... let myself out." Not sure the level of detail we're going to get into about Cole's prescriptions, but I suspect the only drugs Lu Ann knows are cocaine, heroin, and wacky tabacky.

Special shout-out to our comments section, you guys have been cracking me up. Between Tori acting like a middle-aged barfly and all the comments on that. Silk. Dress.'re killing me!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Creepy Tori

Tori, just drop it, you're being totally creepy. Why are you so obsessed with your friend's "super-hot" dad's love life? And why do you think that Cole is super hot....?

I can't wait to see Tori stumble drunkenly out of the bedroom slurring "Don't touch him, he's mine, blondie." Lu Ann might spill her tea from shock.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Moves

Oh snap! She probably is. She's got the moves like Jagger. I can understand Marty getting upset though. If I was her I'd be like, "What are you, DRUNK?" and then I'd laugh hysterically and walk out of the room.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Father of the Year

"Changed my mind?  No, I still think that Tori is a street tough from the wrong side of the tracks, and I saw her shotgun an Arbor Mist in the hallway before coming into my apartment, but Marty has no other friends. I didn't fight and watch my friends die to come home and have endless conversations about which guy from One D is hotter.   A man deserves peace in his own home!"

Monday, September 9, 2013

Cole's Kitchen

Uh oh, the voices in Lu Ann's head are starting to laugh? That's usually a bad sign. Also, swiveling your head and banging it against the wall. Maybe it's time for another three week long conversation over coffee.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Pop-In

Lu Ann defied a direct order from Margo and is still wearing her silk dress.  Her disobedience will not go unpunished.  Luckily for Lu Ann, the A3G version of New York is a ghost town, so no one is around to question why there is a blonde woman in a collared silk dress stopped in the middle of the street having a conversation with the voices in her head.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Wound Up

Put your phone in your pocket and go for a walk, Lu Ann. Margo clearly has plans for the apartment and you're not a part of them. But first, take off that ridiculous pink silk polo dress. You look like a fool!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Prayer for John Calder

Lu Ann is taking her pulse because she's worried that "stroke" may be contagious.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A Nice Man

Why, John Calder! Of course I remember... John. John Calder, yes! Of course. He was a nice man. Very nice. Yes. Your... vvvvvalet? LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR, yes! Yesss. I know, yes.

He's had a stroke?? Oh no! Peter, is he.... does that mean he... has... some kind of skin condition? That's it, right? Scaly skin? Or no, stroke, that's like a fencing term, right? So, if he's had a massive stroke, does that mean he won? Is he the champion? of fencing? The fencing champion? Oh Peter! Is your valet going to the Olympics??

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Silly Dinners

So whilst brainstorming for another action-packed strip, I googled John Calder, just to see if there were any amusing individuals who shared the name of our star-crossed as of yet unseen character.  Turns out there's this guy!

He looks like a lot of fun.  But anyway, here's a nickel of free advice for you Governor Trog.  If the girl you're about to propose to calls your dates silly, you had better hope you still have the receipt for that rock and that there is more than a two week return period.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Are You Sure?!

In Apartment 3G, which has turned into the Governor's office, Peter answers his phone, which magically turned into a landline and OH NO! Something has happened to John Calder! No! Say it isn't so! John Calder! I can't bear the thought! Also, what? Did I skip a week? Is this the right strip?

The Right Moment

Has Peter even seen Lu Ann the past two weeks?  It seems like she's just been hanging been hanging out with Marty and Cole.  Nothing like a traumatized war veteran and his socially awkward teenage daughter to set the mood.