Crazy Homeless Hobo Tramp Liar

You know, everybody--everybody--treated Columbo like a bum. He was the best detective ever and a really nice guy, and everyone treated him like a bum. I remember a particularly galling episode where a nun treated him like a bum. She was like, "Come inside, it's warm and we have soup." "Ahh, I'm sorry for the confusion ma'am but, actually I'm a detective, and I was wondering--" "No need to be proud, child, come in, have some soup." And Columbo, god bless him, he took the soup. And then he solved the damn mystery!

Columbo never made anyone feel bad for calling him a bum (he did play up his bum-like qualities at times). But I get the impression this guy can't WAIT to take Aunt Iris out after the show for goose liver and brandy.