Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Ten Things I Hate About You

And now ladies and gentlemen, the top ten things that Peter really wanted to say:

10) "Zoe didn't give you that outfit to wear to funerals..."
9) "Do you know that nerdy girl who is spray painting squiggles onto the fence and shouting your name?  Is she...drunk?!?"
8) "I want to kiss you on your thick, flesh colored lips."
7) "John was secretly wielding all the power of the executive office of this state...I am a puppet and I  don't know what to do now!"
6)  "My tie is the same pattern as the interior of my car..."
5)  "I killed John Calder..."
4)   "Traditionally, lieutenant governors who die in office lie in state in a suburban park."
3)  "I was at Zoe's late last night, and yada, yada, yada I'm really tired today..."
2) "How is it that I haven't met your third roommate?"


1) "I know we've only been on one date, but my internal polling...er I mean my heart is telling me that you're the one.  Will you accept this box of radiant light and be my wife?"


NonnyMus said...

At first I thought that John was buried at Arlington National... er... Local Cemetery, but then I realized the house isn't blue enough!

Barking Monkey said...

I love, love, love when the Bloggeristas give us games to play! Thanks Megan! Let me go first - LuAnn’s Responses

10) “Really? She said it was for ALL occasions”
9) “Be fair Peter, a lot of great artists were alcoholics.”
8) “But we’re in public! Maybe you should just kiss me on the mouth…”
7) “Well, duh! Do you even know how to get to Albany?”
6) “And you said I was the one who needed fashion help.”
5)”I know dear, we all heard your eulogy – but don’t you think standing in his coffin and beating your chest was a little over the top?”
4) “As long as he doesn’t lie there too long, the Rotary Club has that pavilion booked at 4.”
3) “ZOE’S!? Oh god, tell me…tell me there was no chess involved!”
2) “Hey, that’s right, we used to have a third roommate, now what was her name..?’
1) “Sure, but based on past performance, there’d better be another plot left in that cemetery.”

(Because I only know how to ride the coattails of funnier people.)

Allen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allen said...

10 more Peter responses :)

10. "I'm in love with about 10 different girls, just FYI... wanna grab some lunch?"

9. "I guess I just want to thank you for being here, even though you dozed off twice during the eulogy, then kept looking at your watch and yawning obnoxiously as they lowered his casket."

8. "I'm still wondering why he wanted to be buried in this abandoned lot..."

7. "Luann I... I... wait why are you jutting your elbow at me? Is this your aggressive stance?"

6. "I guess I just want to thank you for being here for me. Physically that is, of course! God knows you're never here mentally... I mean like ever ... you're stupid is what I'm trying to say, Luann."

5. "It turns out I might have hired Zoe on a drunken bender... turns out she's not even a fashion designer, she's just some lady I gave a grand to pretend she was important. She stitched what you're wearing mostly out of old rags stained with Pepto-Bismol... b-but it looks GREAT on you!"

4. "I think we should see other people. Well mostly me, I have a feeling you're going to end up with some crazy dude who lies to his daughter about brain tumors. Well see ya around!"

3. "Luann I just wanted to say that this whole thing made me realize life is too short to be with someone with the emotional capacity of a 4 year old. So, yeah, breaking up. Thanks for the sex though, it was pretty mediocre."

2. "It's obvious we can't be in a relationship. I'm a grotesque shape-shifter with my face constantly changing and you're... well... you're YOU so... there's that."

1. "Luann I... I .... I want to marry you! We're perfect for each other... we both suck at our jobs and we never EVER change out of our clothes! Match made in heaven!"