Rick-E

NO WAY! Rick-E from Boys on the Block?? I think I had their first album! Let me see if I can find it somewhere...

Serpentine

"Well gee, Tommie, did you go to high school at James MaaAAAAHHHH YOU HAVE SNAKE EYES, YOU'RE A SNAKE WOMAN, STAY BACK SERPENT LADY!!"

Seriously, click the picture to enlarge. Why wouldn't Frank Bolle give Tommie a little more pupil?

Instant Classic

Would you describe Rick's praise as effusive, garrulous, or wildly uncontrolled? Discuss.

Clumsy

Not a session with a psychiatrist and not head lice, but a fall down the stairs precipitated this conversation. Well. I think there's nothing left to do but start up the pool.

1. How long until Tommie and Rick fall in love?
2. How long until Rick dies from a terrible, debilitating congenital brain tumor, a la Bette Davis in Dark Victory?

There's no other reason you have someone fall down the stairs right off the bat. I say May 25th for their first kiss, and Rick dies January 12th, 2012. Sorry about your doomed romance, Tommie! Should make for some good songs, though.

Head Check

I don't know which of these guys looks less likely to be working in the music industry, but I do hope Tommie has fluffed up her hair or unbuttoned her top button or done something to make an impression on this Rick guy. Also I hope she's not eating the reuben right now. Very hard to eat a reuben gracefully. Also, very hard to unsee someone eating a reuben.

Lady

Look how cute Dan looks in the first panel! Awww! He's like some adorable man-beast. Like a bashful wooky in an overcoat. Like Kenny Rogers--I'm talking before the plastic surgery. Speaking of which, Dan calling Tommie a lady reminded me of this:

One of my favorite cheesy songs of all time. Frequently I'll call my friends "lady" and inform them that I'm their knight in shining armor... and I love them. Then they ask me to please stop interrupting their story.

Reubens

Uh oh. Wrong answer, Tommie! Your lack of commitment has displeased Dan, and now he's trying to drop you like a bad habit. "Okay, good luck, I'll be in touch." "Won't you be in town?" "Ooh, you know what I feel like? A sandwich." "O... Okay. But Dan, do you have my cell phone number?" "Maybe I'll go to the zoo after this. Those llamas always crack me up!" "Dan! Take my card, please!" "You know what? ......I changed my mind. I'm thinking I want a hot dog."

Understudy

Backstage at Big City, three weeks ago...
"Mr. Blaze, sir? I was just going over my notes for the production... is it true we haven't assigned an understudy for Tommie Thompson?"
"Trust me kid, Tommie's got nothing else going on. She'll be here. But if it bothers you that much... HEY PATTI! YOU WANT A PART IN THE PLAY? .........she says she'll do it. Make a note."

Talent

Tommie doesn't need to think about it, Dan. She hasn't showed up at work for weeks. She's going with this singing thing, by God!

How About Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner?

My, my. Time flies when you're singing those Broadway hits. However, I'm guessing time does not fly when you're listening to someone sing Broadway hits.

Date with Destiny

My god, Tommie, this is how you look for your date with destiny? This is what you wear to make an impression?? Could you at least run your fingers through your hair, try to poof it up a little? You look less like a future recording artist and more like an American Idol reject that got airtime for a memorably weird audition.

AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA

There's something about Margo wearing white rubber gloves that makes all of this unsettling. Normally, Margo absently touching her face and laughing like an evil robot would be the height of entertainment for me, but with the gloves it reads "serial killer." We all joke about Margo being a blood-thirsty maneater, but is this the week we witness the act?

Hold On, Trey

Uh oh. Margobot is displeased. Circuit overload. Danger. Danger. Right arm malfunction. Duck for cover, Trey! When that right arm goes, you're not going to want to be anywhere near it.

A Modest Proposal

That's right, fellas! We women, we hear the word "proposal" and we automatically jump to marriage, whether we're appalled by the idea or not. So watch your choice of words! Less ambiguous word choices: offer, appeal, proposition, invitation, suggestion, submission, plan of action. I'd probably go with "proposition."

Ripped Where?!

Look how joyless that kiss is, even with the Light of Smooches radiating off of them. That's how Barbie and Ken dolls look when you shove their faces together, hoping against hope you can make their marriage work (for Skipper's sake!), but it never really works out, does it? Both of them are working late hours (Ken as a model, Barbie as a teacher/doctor/rock star/mermaid whose hair changes color in warm and cold water), and before you know it, a fight breaks out! Ken slaps Barbie in the face, but then Barbie kicks her perfectly straight leg right in Ken's groin! Barbie runs out the door and hops in the convertible, but it's dark out and she's crying and SHE'S HEADING STRAIGHT FOR DEAD MAN'S CURVE!! And... THERE'S A RACCOON IN THE ROAD!! Barbie swerves to miss it, and TUMBLES OFF THE CLIFF!!! AHHHHHH!!! Later Ken finds her in the hospital and brings flowers, but Barbie has amnesia and doesn't remember him and she starts going out with Doctor Rudolfo, but it turns out that Rudolfo is evil and planted the raccoon in the road in the first place.

So.... at least Margo and Trey don't have Skipper to worry about.

Clean Up Smack Down!

All I can say about this is that it looks like it's time for WWE's CLEAN UP SMACK DOWN (SPONSERED BY FRITO LAY)!!

"Mean" Margo Magee vs. Ruby "Super" Powers! Two will enter the lavendar-painted octogon... but only one will survive!!

Maggie's analysis: Margo has a rare look of desperation in her eyes, which only makes her stronger, but Ruby looks grimly determined to scrub that spit curl right off of Margo's forehead. I give it to Ruby!

The Greatest Music Producer in the Known Universe

Tommie may be laying it on a little thick for a guy who isn't even in Wikipedia, but I guess Hobo Tramp Dan "The Man" Diller is in the League of Music Producers who Can't Make the Time to Shave (LMPCMTS, pronounced "lumpcamts"), along with his friend Rick Rubin, famous record producer and fellow scraggly beard haver.

But really, a world-famous producer? Let's see how he compares to his colleagues.

Looking good, Dan. Looking good.