Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Dark Horse Blogger

Hello loyal blog followers! So Maggie and Casey have dropped the ball here the past few days, so I thought I would swoop on in do a little updating so you guys don't fall behind in these AMAZING storylines!

Friday, May 14th

Margo, he's not crying, it's just the fumes from his yellow onion suit making his eyes water. Or those decorative yellow onions behind you.

Oh boy, here it comes, the end of Paul. He's stayed too long, he's gotten attached. It's the death knell for male supporting characters in a strip that has featured three women living together for the past 40 years. At least he can take solace in the fact that odds are he won't die in a Himalayan avalanche. I wonder, dear readers, how he will meet his end? A freak piano moving accident? Construction accident at his remote shack?

Monday, May 16th

Wow, that was a quick wedding. I guess the illustrator had a hand cramp or something and didn't feel like going to all that trouble for these secondary characters. Doris looks like she's just been crowned Queen of the Frumpy Librarians. I wonder what the one important thing is? Is it to recommend a good "De-Purpling" clinic for the guests? Maybe everyone but Jack and Doris went through that lilac door and were irrevocably changed.

Tuesday, May 17th

What the what? Alright, let's start at the beginning. Mmm, that dress just gets better and better with each new angle. Doris, after the wedding, I would recommend that you see a doctor to remove that growth from your shoulder, as well as put it back in its socket. Now, I don't know know what kind of "modern" reception these crazy kids are having, but generally the men aren't invited to participate in the bouquet toss. A plausible explanation is Paul was just near the dance floor, and Doris lost control of the toss when her arm fell out of its socket. You would think he would have let it go past him so that one of the desperate, single, lilac women could catch it. Or just let LuAnn catch it. The only logical conclusion is that Doris threw the bouquet so hard that she dislocated her own shoulder. It was wild throw, and Paul instinctively reached up and plucked those white roses out of thin air. Either way, it's further evidence that Paul is going to join Eric Mills at the big gallery in the sky.


Casey said...

Oh, now Paul and Trey can finally be together. (Two birds with one stone.) Is gay marriage legal in 1955, though?

Maggie said...

I will stake my claim here and now on Paul's untimely death: Paul, with the rusty, tetanus-laden nail, in the murder shack.

Nah, I think this guy's just going to get dumped. Lu Ann's career is too important to her!

Sugar Packet said...

Tears?? What would his fellow piano movers think??