Who's Dressing in the Dark?

Margo, could you please CHILL WITH THE ATTITUTE FOR JUST A DAMN MINUTE? I can't hear myself think.

Why don't Margo and Lu Ann know about this if it's just for Tommie? Normally they'd be the ones sneaking around the apartment and taking all the secret footage, not Margo's parents (whose involvement was pretty bizarre). But the audience is supposedly packed with Tommie's friends (also bizarre), which would imply a one-woman show. So what's going on? The suspense! I'll be counting the minutes/days/weeks.

No Talking!!

What did Mama Kat just say, Professor? WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?

Are we all dying to know who all these relations of Tommie's are? It's going to be like This is Your Life mixed with Queen for a Day. ...mixed with What Not to Wear.

Electric Youth

Kitty's getting a text on her pocket Bible, and it says: the 80s are back! Suspenders for girls are in again. Think Paula Abdul. Debbie Gibson. Blossom. (probably Six, actually) Unless... is she just wearing an apron? All the better, I love aprons! Finally they're coming in to their own. I can't wait for the day when I can wear one to work.

Meanwhile, Mama Pot, each one of the kettles in the audience was wearing that shirt earlier today, so no name-calling.

Bring On Kat and Kitty!

Oh snap!! Margaret Shulock got me. This whole "Tommie breaks into show biz" and "Margo and Lu Ann shuffle over to the theater in tepid support" has been an elaborate ruse to initiate a surprise ambush intervention, What Not To Wear-style. Heh! All this time I thought Tommie was given a role in the play based on her talent. I should've known better! Of course, she'll be crushed when they write her out of the play.

Kat and Kitty will play hosts, I presume? What charming monikers. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to seeing how they dress. It could be a whole new age of fashion for A3G!

Money Can't Buy You Friends

The terrible roommate routine continues! It's enough to make Gina's tiny flip haircut curl in. I've been picturing this show as a western all this time (probably just because Blaze is involved), but I hope Tommie gets on stage and sings this to her roommates:

Always good for a laugh!

At It Again

Well this is disheartening. I gave these two a whole week to cut the shenanigans, and what do I come back to find? MORE SHENANIGANS. And by shenanigans, I mean carping. While Lu Ann refuses to stop tapping the glass on the shark tank, Margo is starting to sound as crazy and vitriolic as her sweet old stepmom. Will a violent catfight upstage Tommie's dress rehearsal? It would be awesome, so don't hold your breath.

Tommie Demurs...

Margo and Lu Ann are just terrible roommates! There have been no overtures of congratulations, no smiling; neither has even moved, nevermind going in for a hug. They've just been standing there bobbling for the past three days/ninety seconds!

Ladies, can't you muster up some girly joy? Or at least stop being so whiney? This is a huge thing for Tommie! She might have a chance to be mildly interesting! Have some class, you two!

A Star is Born

Tommie, you chump, of course they're interested--JUST LOOK AT THEIR FACES!! Lu Ann has the decency to look vaguely shocked and guilty. But Margo just stares at Tommie coolly, as if to say, "There will be only one prima donna in this apartment." ...she probably doesn't think it's you, Tommie.

Bobbles All Around!

Ooh. Tommie's breaking out. We haven't heard anyone in the strip sing since Haley sung like a bird. Maybe that's what Margo is afraid of. "Sing WHAT? Not about any illegal firearms that may or may not still be in the apartment--right?? Cause I told you, it's gone. GONE! And YOU COULD BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!"

I've Missed You All, Margo and Tommie!

Will Gina, with her kooky friendliness and her large forehead, find a way to heal the psychic wounds this fractured group has inflicted on each other? Or will she instantly cause more tension by forgetting how group hugs work and alienating Lu Ann?

Remember Me?

OH MAN! It's old what's-her-face! Uh, Katie? Carol? Uh. Hold on. Let me do a little digging, let's see here...

IT'S MARIE!! It's gotta be! She was around during Tommie's previous [failed] attempt to break into the theater scene, and doggone it, she'll be around for the next one too! She was last seen crushing Tommie's soul by using her as inspiration for role as a spinster. She was also spotted with the Professor quite a bit... wish I could find a link for that, but can't seem to pinpoint it. Anyway, she just kind of fell off the map for a while, I guess she moved to LA to chase her acting dreams and email the Professor and MAYBE HOST I DRESSED IN THE DARK? Hmm? Yes please!

Of course, sadly, that means that the Professor's phone call/drop-in buddy was not Bobbie. But Marie was kind of flighty and thoughtless, she should be a good sub.

UPDATE: Where did the name Marie come from? I definitely meant Gina. Please see the CC's excellent post for both the correct name and the links I meant to link to! I'll be back on my game Monday, promise.

Dinner Time is Family Time!

Ahhhhh hahahahaha! Margo, you are so deliciously catty! Lu Ann was really just a step behind you and you ran in the door first and closed it behind her and then started bitching about her on top of it? Okay, yes, she'd be the roommate from hell, but imagine the outrageous stories Lu Ann and Tommie have to tell their friends. You know, besides each other. Hmm? What? Oh right, they don't have any friends. No one does except the Professor! Who was that on Tuesday?? WAS IT BOBBIE?? You're killing me here!

Anyway. I like that Tommie knows better than to threaten her own life and just goes straight for the throat: no dinner! If that doesn't work, maybe she'll threaten their TV time.

SO Obvious!

Whoa. Has anyone else noticed that when Margo gets jealous she kind of looks like a man? Her Han Solo outfit doesn't help, though it is classic Margo.

Who's Hungry?

Oh Tommie. What happened to "It felt great to yell at my roommates!"? You don't have time to referee your roommates but you will take the afternoon to prepare a dinner of appeasement for them? And dinner is, what, LASAGNA??? I just hope she learned that from Garfield and not from her new hippy ethnic theater-folk friends. Miscreants, all of them!

I'm Seeing Stars, I'm Seeing Stars

June 7, 2010

June 8, 2010

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. By voting her "Best Story of the Year," did we summon Bobbie back from her rehab center/psychiatric facility in Los Angeles? DID WE?? It's just like that part of Peter Pan! We just had to believe in fairies and clap our hands and BAM--she's back!

Unless this is just some random celebrity knows from his wild, swinging days in Hollywood. Could be. Maybe it's Wiggy from The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show, as she's the only person I can think of besides the Professor here that ever said "Oh my stars!" Wiggy was very into astrology... look, I don't want to know these things, I just do!

UPDATE:
The only three people who ever say "Oh my stars!"

Hail Martin, Full of Lies

Oh Martin! Careful you don't tear your family apart with your awesome lying abilities! Because you know one lie builds on another... soon Martin will be claiming to be inside people's apartments planning emergency evacuation routes and checking CO2 monitors and WHERE WILL IT END?? Anyway, they're lucky they got Tommie and not Margo, there's no way she would buy that. You know, you guys could pretend you're inside their apartment because you're just nosy, overbearing parents?

In other news, final results of the poll:

1. Bobbie the Bobble Merrill 41%
2. Catfight in 3G 29%
3. Taser Lady Super Force 21%
4. Margo Does India 7%

Bobbie is the clear winner! What do you have to say for yourself, Bobbie?
It scares us too, Bobbie. New theme coming soon!

The Spies

I was shocked to read yesterday that both commenter LogopolisMike and comics curmudgeon Josh Fruhlinger both thought Martin and Gabby were in the apartment to get Bobbie's gun. You guys, that's a really thoughtful idea and all, but I think that gun has already, quietly, been whisked away. It's fun to think that little details, like a gun that never went off, could come back into play at any moment, but Margo has a friend in the police department! Doesn't that give you all the explanation you need?? Unless that errand just totally slipped Margo's mind and the gun's been sitting untouched in her sock drawer this entire time. Which is.... very possible. Okay, comment retracted.

Nevertheless, it looks like their taking pictures to use as evidence, either for I Dressed in the Dark or maybe I Decorated My Apartment in the Dark. Your candles and stationary doesn't have to match your walls, ladies!

His Daughter's Father

Where are you, narration box? You're slacking on the job! If I didn't know better, I'd say Jack and Doris changed clothes, aged 25 years(ish?), and decided to rob Margo's apartment. I would also have to ignore the part where they call each other Martin and Gabby... okay, so am I coddled by the narration boxes to the point where I ignore context clues? Yes. But I'd still like them back.

Back to the scene at hand: whoooo, snooping! I hope they find some super-embarrassing stuff for IDITD, like the girls' shared collection of frocks, or Margo's turtleneck drawer. It's not to humiliate you honey, it's just to get you on the show!

YOUR FACE IS!!

Jack proves once again what a smooth talker he is by bellowing "YOU ARE" at Doris. And then, OH SNAP, Doris surrenders her cupcake! Look at her, waving her cupcake right in Jack's face!

If only Margo was there to say it herself. Oh well, at least Doris didn't offer him Betty White's giant dusty muffin.

It's not too late to vote for your favorite storyline of last year. Bobbie is firmly in the lead, but Catfight isn't far behind, and Taser Lady is only a zap behind. I'm impartial of course; I love all of my children equally. But vote early and often, I always say!

Brown Baggin' It

Hello all! Hope you all had a relaxing weekend. Despite all precautions, I managed to get a pretty malicious sunburn on my back. Summer has begun! So what did I miss?

SACK LUNCHES!!! Whooooooo! I can't believe I almost didn't get home in time to post about this. Nora is hiding from Margo and Lu Ann, but reveals that she loves her job, which is... spending every waking hour at Margo's beck and call? I guess she doesn't like Lu Ann interfering. It's weird though, I feel like most people are kind of shy about sharing their deeply masochistic tendencies with virtual strangers. But that's what makes New York great, right? The personalities!