Rose Alesworth

I already forgot Jim's last name—it isn't Phillipspot-Townsingshire?—but I guess it must be Alesworth. And I guess if Tommie is all excited to talk to her, Rose is his mom or aunt, not his moneybags ex-wife or accursed leech woman twin sister or OH MY GOD is this actually Jim's true form?? Is Rose about to tell Tommie that JIM DOESN'T EXIST?? oh please oh please oh please

Phone Call

Thursday, February 27

Lu Ann isn't even going to try to guess what kind of accent it is, because to her down-home American sensibilities, anyone who has "some kind of accent" is a dirty foreigner.

Tommie, meanwhile, isn't even going to pretend to be human anymore, as she allows her face to morph into its true form and her limbs grow to their usual incredible length.

At Last

Whuh oh! Does Prof A know about Bambi? Because I foresee a hilarious mix up where the Professor chops up and cooks the deer. I wouldn't totally blame him, since it looks like Tommie bought boxed lamb. (amateur!)

Caller ID

And just when I thought this storyline couldn't get any more boring, we have a mystery female caller.  Who do we think it is loyal readers?

1)  Tommie's boss at the hospital, wondering if she's still alive so that they can send her the notice of job abandonment.
2)  Sally from Fawning Over, calling to discuss Lily's transfer to a venison slaughterhouse pet farm upstate.
3)  Jim, who really went to Vermont to perform as Susan Boyle in a drag revue.  He's testing how believable the voice is.

Leg of Lamb

Oh hell no. Tell me you're not bringing home the butchered appendage of Lily's cloven-hoofed cousin? Have you no decency? Have you no shame? Have you no shirts other then pastel crewnecks?

Mystery Man

"See?!?! He's still well within the 72 hours he said he would be back.  He totally exists and gave me a specific time that he was going to return.  He'll be here any minute now.  Any minute now..."

Pet Farm

This strip has taught me, Tommie's not the idiot, I'm the idiot. I would think, I'm pretty much done with this whole deer thing, I'm just going to take her upstate and let her go. She's a deer, she will figure out that deer eat leaves or whatever. But Tommie has obviously found the thriving New York Deer and Elk Farm Directory! Although I kind of doubt she clicked on any of the links.

But have no fear! Margo will hold her to thinking about having a plan after she smooches with Mr. British for three days straight. (MARGOOOO this is like the tamest threat ever, what is going on with you?? Are you on drugs?? Tell me it's drugs. Tell me we're going to have a "Margo is abusing prescription drugs WHILE THERE IS A DEER ROAMING THE APARTMENT" oh my god that would be awesome)

Time

Oh, it's time, is it? Now it's time??? Not like, immediately upon finding the fawn? That was not a time to consider options other than bringing it to your New York apartment???

What other options is it time to consider? Time for Lily to apply to that exclusive preschool a few blocks away?

I just can't with this plotline. I want to believe that the "other options" Margo is considering are as sinister as it appears they are in panel 2, but I can't. I want to hear her saying that in her best villain voice, but I feel like we've lost that Margo. Come back to us, Margo.

Elusive

Choose your own caption: Lu Ann and I can hardly wait...

• ...to discuss the sleeping arrangements!
• ...to make up a drinking game about how many times his "flight is delayed!"
• ...to spend all day cleaning up deer feces!
• ...to kill him!

Mystery Man

If the Cheshire Cat smiled by pursing his nude, fleshy lips into a tight pout, then yes she's grinning just like him.  I guess she's kind of smiling in the second panel, or showing her teeth to Margo as a warning that she's too close.

In the meantime, I'm going to pretend that this storyline is going somewhere awesome!  Somewhere like Tommie has intense schizophrenia and that Jim is A Beautiful Mind-esque hallucination like Ed Harris or that blonde British guy.  Margo has to send both her and the fawn to farms upstate.   

Cheap!

I just don't get how this strip can introduce something as juicy as a feral deer plotline and then ditch it to go shopping at Target? "There was a SALE on items contained in medium-sized boxes! General Mills cereal, two for four dollars! Jigsaw puzzles, four for ten!" I hope this is just an elaborate set up for the hijinks that occur during the Margo-Lu Ann-Tommie-fawn-Jim sleepover party. Like, Jim becomes inspired to take Harrod's in a box-related direction, or the deer eats a giant discount box of soap flakes.

See You In A Month, Jim

I have no real comment on this strip.  It's just another boring "fill up two panels with stuff that is completely irrelevant whilst ignoring the more pressing issue of how there is a feral deer living in the apartment" situation. 

However, I find myself thinking about Margo, Lu Ann, Tommie, the fawn and Big Jim staying in one apartment.  Have we ever had conclusive evidence of the layout of 3G?  Do they have three bedrooms?  In Manhattan?!?!  Where does the deer sleep?  Why wouldn't Jim get a room at the Hampton Inn or something and charge that to Harrod's? 

Bad Mother

Ok. Guys. I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me. Is it totally normal for a lady to choose to kidnap a wild animal, drive it 350 miles from its home and foster it in her New York City apartment? Because it looks to me that this baby deer has just waltzed into the room mid-conversation, possibly wearing tiny stilts based on her height, and Jim hardly even noticed. Didn't even say something like "Oh, I thought you had a cat...?" or "Americans sure are eccentric!" And then it waltzed out without even a break in the conversation! This is David Lynchian stuff right here.

The only explanation is that Jim is evil and willing to put up with anything to further his schemes. It still doesn't really explain what the end game of the adopt-a-fawn story is, but maybe it will end with a graph-paper wrapped box.

Bad Fiancee

FINALLY, the deer speaks up! Probably has a stomach full of mattress coils. And Jim is... not surprised at all? Have they had long international phone calls on their land lines about how Tommie is a foster doe? Because my reaction to "bleat... bleat..." would be "wwwwwwwhat....! Was that!! Is there a sheep in this apartment??" accompanied by bulging eyes and muscular tension.

P.S. Why is this guy not speaking entirely in stereotypical British slang? Has he said one British thing yet? I mean, why even make him British if he's not going to say things like "blimey" and "dumbledore" all the time?

One Way Ticket to Montpelier

Is Harrod's suddenly offering authentic maple syrup and sharp cheddar cheese?  Is he scouting an advance copy of Bernie Sanders' new book From Syrup to Socialism: The Bernie Sanders Story?  Or does he just have a really big craving for freshly churned Cherry Garcia?   And...I'm out of Vermont jokes.

Hey, you know who would like the rural splendor of Vermont?  The fawn currently trapped in Margo's bedroom who is tunneling into the mattress to relieve her intense claustrophobia.

Drowsy with Happiness

Haha, why that's true, I am late for my plane! I'm such a rake. By the way, is there a reason your apartment smells like a Cockney petting zoo? I specify Cockney because I'm British, you see! Don't forget.

Never Enough

Ah, young love.  The rarely attempted perpendicular angle kiss and pushing your girlfriend from room to room by the shoulders.

I hope you have enough time to help Tommie finish cleaning up fawn excrement because that's what's happening while you guys are romancing.

Not a Chance

I should've seen this coming. We all agree the zombie fad is on its way out, right? Gone the way of the pirate? So of course now is when A3G decides to jump on the bandwagon. And of course Tommie is the only one desperate enough to date a zombie. A British zombie. A British jetsetting zombie. Which, ok, all of this is a little incongruous with zombie lore, but just LOOK at him:

PREDICTION: Tommie nips into the kitchen to get him and snack and Jim eats the deer's brains.

Messy

Yup, she looks a mess, which means "exactly how she looks all the time, except with rubber gloves on." Also, there's a deer in her apartment. Did you notice that?

I sort of hope this is a "Tommie's fiance is a jerk because he just can't understand her need to foster a fawn in her NYC apartment" plotline, because I would be 100% on his side in this. If you met some woman while she was on vacation in a foreign country, fell in love with her, and then realized that in her everyday life she is some kind of crazy deer lady, you'd probably be pretty put off too.

The Man You Can't Live Without

I expected Tommie would need to clean up after the deer, but I didn't think she'd need a duster... Anywho, OH YEAH, THIS DUDE! I already forgot Lord Jimsworth Kenfarthingston's name, but I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to see he looks exactly like every other guy in this strip?? The looks of James Bond and the wardrobe of a Governor. Or reverse those two. Either way.

A Very Good Question

How is this deer still alive?  Tommie appears to be feeding it champagne and off brand crackers.  I feel like a growing deer would need a bit more ruffage.

There aren't words to adequately express my disappointment at Margo's laissez-faire attitude about turning A3G into the set of Jack Hanna's Animal Adventures.  The bun must be the source of her dark power.  Someone get her a scrunchie...before it's too late!

Lily

Two weeks later and no incidents to speak of? Unless this week is just a crazy hilarious recap week of Tommie and Margo telling-not-showing everything that's gone wrong since they got the deer.

• Monday: "She's growing like a weed, Tommie. This can't go on forever." "Don't worry, Margo."
• Tuesday: "You mean you decided to sell her for venison jerky as I suggested, Tommie?" "I thought you only meant that in jest, Margo! You know she didn't mean to pee on your memory foam mattress. Twice."
• Wednesday: "I don't know that, Tommie. I also don't know that she didn't mean to chew through the cable wire and make me miss my Game of Thrones marathon." "She's only a child, Margo!" 
• Thursday: "Tommie, are you saying you really aren't mad at all that she ate holes into all your pajama suits from the Paula Poundstone collection?" "That did make me cross, but..."
• Friday: "She's one of us now, Margo!" "It was pretty funny when Lu Ann started popping those 'bon-bons' in her mouth..."
• Saturday: "That's the spirit, Margo! Want to come with me to pick up my Lyme's disease medication at Duane Reade?" "No, just pick me up some chloroform and a burlap sack. No reason. Ooh, and a Dove bar."

What's In A Name

You wanted to name the deer after the one in The Yearling?  The one where the young boy is forced to shoot and kill the deer that is the only thing he loves in the world?  Although, the deer formerly known as Flag will arguably suffer a worse fate.  Margo won't suffer Tommie's insolence from the other day for long.  The fawn will be sacrificed.