We Have News!

Poor Tommie. I'm pretty sure she was going inside to give them some privacy when suddenly they appeared before her like a glitch in the matrix. P.S. That is some deeply solemn smooching.

So we have news!

• We're in love!
• We're getting married!
• We want to start a band!
• We're adopting a deer!
• We're adopting you!
• We're selling the ranch!
• We're moving to Manhattan!
• We're moving in with the Big Wheel!
• We're ending the storyline!
• We're ending the strip!

Any possibility I missed?

Do You Believe?

Thursday September 25, 2014

Friday September 26, 2014

We have closure! Spooky ghostly night creature closure. I mean, supposedly Jack goes out on these little unsupervised outings all the time, but this time I guess the moon was full or he found an appropriately haunted field or chanted "Bloody Mary" three times or whatever and managed to get the ghost of Ellen to say "MOVE ON, JACK!" Move on, so we can all move on. Thank you, ghost of Ellen. And thank you Carol, for not leading us down a one-week detour of whether or not Ellen's ghost really appeared. "Yeah yeah, of course I believe Ellen spoke to you! Uh huh, and then Joey turned into a unicorn--I'm sorry, a pegasus--then what? Whatever moves this damn story along so maybe at the end we kiss and Tommie leaves!"

Night Creatures

Let me take you outside for this next part, Carol. You know the night creatures? The ones that come out at night, and move around at night, and do stuff, in places, at night? They were there. I'm not sure if they were ghosts or raccoons or bums or what, but they were beautiful. Carol, you're starting to look bored. Can you just stay with me on this? This is poetry here.

Ghost Walk

I'm glad you remember, because that was like two months ago.  Or more...it feels like more.

"I was wrong.  Ghosts can't walk.  They don't have legs or really any corporeal form.  It was very disappointing."

Take Your Time

Oh noooooo! More talking? Why?? These people are going to be banished from the strip in a month! I know comic kvetchers are a hard group to please, but if Carol and Jack fell into each other's arms in one panel, and Tommie drove into the distance as Lily hopped the fence in another panel, and we were back in New York on Tuesday, I think we'd all be happy, right guys?

Loose Ends

"Get out your washboard and stand back.  I'm finally going to take off this turtleneck, which I have worn for months as the armor of my grief.  Also, I'm going to need you to, you know, take care of that orphaned deer that is around here somewhere.  And can you just like, get with Carol so that she doesn't spend another two weeks telling someone about how you're the love of her life?  Then I'll just load up the Packard and be on my way."

Compassion

Compassion, really? I thought Tommie was pretty compassionate when she was spinning babies out of Nina What's-her-face. Maybe it was the hard knocks of the music industry that drained her compassion. Working with "Stone Cold" Dan Diller and Rick-E from Boys on the Block (obviously a street thug)... the nonstop Ruben sandwiches... sure, that could hollow the soul out of anyone.

Everyone's Great

And the work of like, running my supposed vet clinic while I was mysteriously gone for some unspecified amount of time. But mostly, the work of the heart. (Is that like, cardio?)

Ugh, excuse me while I go vomit.

Not Now

It's okay, Jack. In retribution, Carol has painted all your little things mint.

The Best Thing That Could Have Happened

Wait, isn't Jack some sort of veterinarian?  Presumably one who could treat a horse with an injured foot and not force that horse to hobble home for forty miles.  

Maybe the long journey is where he first encountered the shadow creature that he has now lured here to feed on Carol's soul.

Starving

Oh no. She's going to make him breakfast. It's starting all over again. IT'S STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN!

One Is Never Enough

Is there a reason everyone ran inside and shut the door as soon as I showed up? Do I stink like a six-month old turtleneck? Oh, you want me to do the thing where we put our faces close together in a gesture of intimacy. Okay, but I might need to leave for another three months after this!

A good scrubbing, a good scrubbing, where have I heard that before...

Your help is required, Ruby! We miss you! We miss everyone who isn't Tommie or Carol!

Time Marches On

"Don't just stand there, go outside, where we were just moments ago and inexplicably left to come back inside. Probably so that I could tell you to go outside again."

What word are you afraid to think of, Carol? Is it "minutes" - is it because you know that, in whatever nightmare dimension you inhabit, the concept of "minutes" equates to a torturously long, interminable, tedious span of time? E.g., this conversation that has probably taken place over the course of "minutes" but started like, a month ago. I think. Who knows, Tommie's been wearing that shirt for "days."

Vanity is for Fools

Jeez, guys, I don't even know anymore. It's one thing to laugh at the artwork when it's two frumpy ladies swirling around each other in a constantly rearranged living room, or when Old Lu Ann is pretending to have even a pretense of vanity. But this? To draw two people talking inside about action that is clearly happening outside? I mean, I don't even feel good about myself right now. Unless Tommie and Carol just got so excited that they rushed back inside like giggling schoolgirls. Or maybe Jack rode Joey right into the living room?

Tuesday Recap

Monday, September 8th

"To be honest, I'm not even sure that I am crying.  I'd say it's more of a smirk-grimace.  I've been keeping my emotions as bottled up as this closely buttoned blouse."

Tuesday, September 9th

 

Maybe Lily has finally made a run for the wilderness, where she can live a normal deer life? Or the mare saw Danica McKellar walking near the pasture?   Or maybe she's just as irritated by this storyline as the rest of us and is trying to break free.

Tracks of My Tears

I think the exposition in the first panel pretty much sums up how all of us here at the blog feel about this storyline "As Tommie speaks, Maggie, Casey and Megan weep silently to themselves/bash their heads against their keyboards/try to think of a witty comment about background inconsistencies."

I know, Carol, we all find it upsetting and disturbing that someone would propose marriage to Tommie, while you became an old maid pining for a vagabond farmer.  I mean she has red hair and a bowl cut!

Who Are You?

Ah. I see. I was out last week, so now every feels like they can foist these super boring exposition strips on me. Payback's a snitch.

Thursday September 4, 2014

A love so great and a pain so deep, all you can really do is smirk about it, you know?

Friday September 5, 2014

Is this a good "meet-cute" story, or just a boring one? I can't tell. I first met my husband in an extremely boring manner—at a bar, at a work function—but when I tell people how we met, I usually skip two months ahead to the house party where I took a swig of the scotch he got from a friend overseas and then threw up in the corner of the living room. Because it's more interesting!

Last Attempt

Things we've talked about during this one-on-one:

1. Tommie's parade of "boyfriends" (1 out of 4 of whom was legit)
2. Carol's heartbreaker status (even though she's only been dating Jack for a while now)

Things we haven't talked about:

1. Tommie's fiance (whose name I can't even remember)
2. Any of Carol's old boyfriends
3. Juicy details of Jack and Carol's relationships 
4. What "my last attempt" could mean (her last try at demanding love in return for a hot breakfast?)
5. Big Wheel
6. How much time has passed since we've seen Jack
   (last seen: June 15)
7. How much time has passed since we've seen Margo
   (last seen: April 29)
8. How much time has passed since we've seen Tommie's neck
   (last seen: March 22)

A Bit of An Exaggeration

Of course she's exaggerating.  Her face looks like fifty miles of bad road and she's wearing a blouse that is buttoned to her double chin.

We get it, Carol only has beady, lashless eyes for Jack.  Can we please see what Margo is up to?  Please?

Heartbroken Girl

I'm back! Looks like all I missed was Tommie's trip down memory lane of all her "boyfriends."

Friday August 29, 2014

Saturday August 30, 2014

Monday September 1, 2014

I think Tommie, like all of us who have had to beef up a romantic resume, is kind of bending the truth on some of these. Let's recap, shall we?

• Neil Flynn: Based on my memory of Neil, who was before this strip's time, he was a flirt and a playboy who DEFINITELY would never say Tommie was his girlfriend. They never went on a date, but he did kiss Tommie once, at a party, possibly on a dare.
• Gary Walker: Gary was a deeply deeply nerdy guy that Tommie dated. She broke up with him when he proposed to her and asked her to move to Denver with him, which, requiring her to leave the apartment, obviously wasn't happening. He was a part of one of my all-time favorite panels, though.
• Joe Kelly: Kind of surprised Tommie would even bring this up in her "list of bad boyfriends," since he was married and all and plus they never dated. But, yeah! I think she was charmed by his non-Garyness.
• Rick: Who? I didn't even remember this guy until I looked him up, but clearly he was a love interest so tepid he didn't even get a last name. That said, he used to be in a boy band (of similarly blandly handsome guys, I'm guessing) and was just about as whitebread as Tommie, so I don't know why that love connection didn't take off.

Conclusion: one out of four of these people actually dated Tommie, and the one she actually did date she totally dumped. So I wouldn't say Tommie was "the heartbroken girl" as much as "the girl who got away, through passive means, like maybe by accidentally slipping through a net, or taking the wrong bus."