Mistakes Were Made

Okay everyone, I'm back! First of all, if you haven't read Megan's hilarious review of the past four days in A3G History, you should definitely check that out first.

On to today!

Oh my gosh, what a tease. First you say you've run a background check on Lu Ann, and then you report NONE OF THE FINDINGS?? For shame. I mean, what can it possibly say? "Reports indicate she totally hated her hair after her I Dressed in the Dark makeover."

..........I mean, I guess she KIND OF dated a junkie for a few years, but that was pretty on-again, off-again. And by "off-again" I mean "he died." Also, she got kidnapped by a ghost that one time? I can only hope that shows up in the background check.

Any takers on what Papa Linski's question is going to be? "Do you know what color Lu Ann's eyes are?" "Did you know Lu Ann's related to a underbridge-dwelling troll?" "Have you started saving for Paul Jr.'s college fund yet?" etc. etc.

Meanwhile, in New Jersey

So it looks like we took a little Thanksgiving hiatus here at the old blogspot. Hope you all had a relaxing, gluttonous holiday and a joyful day of pepper spraying your fellow shoppers for discounted merchandise!

We've got a lot to recap, so let's get to it!

Thursday, November 25th

OK, it's one thing to paint the extra room a pastel color just in case you decide to use it as a nursery, but to go out and buy a crib before you even get married? That's a dealbreaker (don't sue me Tina Fey). Is Paul's dad supposed to look worried in the second panel? I would have thought he was having a stroke. Don't worry, Lu Ann's the best*!!

*The veracity of this claim has not yet been scientifically proven.

Friday, November 25th

Hey there Gene! Just so you know, I've been working on this blog for like a year and I don't really know Lu Ann Powers all that well. There's really not much more than meets the eye. Have you bought a squiggle painting yet? I'm pretty sure the explanation is in there somewhere.

At least Paul agrees with me that his dad is acting a little creepy. Or at least Paul's eyebrows in the first panel and the black hole creeping in on the right side of the strip agree with me.

Monday, November 28th

Oh boy, this Lu Ann thing is killing old man Linski. He has aged twenty years in three strips! The Linskis have two rules. Number one, always make life changing decisions without consulting your significant other/family member. Number two, it is unnatural to want to live more than two houses away from your immediate family and reflects poorly upon your moral character. The Linski Congress is considering adding a rule (Number three, always wear white shirts), but they're not sure they can get it past Wally's subcommittee.

Tuesday, November 29th

Paul, you should have seen this coming! It's Linski Rule #1! But it is a little crazy. I mean did the Linskis even ask Lu Ann about her family? Paul's so mad he's developing a hunch, and that hunch is bobbling!

Maggie and Casey, you're welcome.

Family Plot

This fairly obvious exposition is made a little more interesting by Ruby's shrinking head and giant hand. Buuut, not much. May I instead use this opportunity to say how thankful I am that I do not have Lu Ann's family. They really seem like a bag of nuts. I think the "Lu Ann's adopted" theory has real merit, except that it seems a lot like the "Margo's a love child" storyline, which happened not long ago. I'd take it though!

Speaking of thankfulness, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Hope you're all happy, healthy and safe. I'm thankful to still have an audience after what.... almost three years? We're doing it, guys! Together! Thanks!

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

Dear mystery colorist,

I know you think you're toiling away in obscurity and you can just do what ever you want because no one notices. Like making a ribbon fuchsia in one panel and white in the next. I know you went to a fancy, expensive art school and you dreamed that one day you would be done up like the Mona Lisa in a modern art/pop art/performance art conceptualization at a Soho gallery, not coloring by numbers. But isn't there something to be said for giving it your all?

XOXO,
Megan

I finally feel like a character in the strip agrees with me. Lu Ann's sister is a mess. I would say a hot mess, but that just seems cruel. A haggard mess?

Soup By the Door

Oh Ruby! You and your soup. Soup that you carry around in a tiny little ice bucket. How does she just assume that the person in there crying her eyes out is Lu Ann? I mean, Tommie lives there too, it could just as easily be her. I mean, more easily! SUPER easily!

Pretty Little Lu Ann

First of all, may I express my sincere delight at the appearance Crazy Janey! (she's troubled) I was just thinking about her! Every now and then, it's like Margaret Shulock and I are on the same wavelength. It's a little scary at times, as I'm sure it is for Margaret.

May I also admit that I am sincerely disturbed by Janey? The writing is good and creepy, but I also have to give some props to Frank Bolle on this one. Lu Ann getting chewed out over the phone for no good reason could've easily been hilarious (it still kinda is), but he made it into something warty, sweaty, and uncomfortable. Janey calling from a Zack Morris-style cell phone adds to the pathos.

That said, I read A3G for the laffs, not the pathos. I hope Janey takes a page from the Bobbie Merrill playbook and starts pilling up and shaking all about. Ah Bobbie, I miss ya.

Family Ties

Technically, the trip would be to Hoboken, which I imagine has cheaper hotel rates than Manhattan. Did you even check Priceline.com? William Shatner has led me to believe that whatever you want to pay for a trip is what it costs!

What on earth could have possibly happened between Lu Ann and her family? All the "drama" in this strip is so milquetoast that it's probably something super lame that we'll build up to until early 2012, when it will collapse like a bad souffle. Are they jealous of her golden locks and unaged complexion?

Well I Am Sure Happy, Janey

Holy crap holy crap! I feel like I hit the jackpot here, but I have no idea how to spend money so I'm just going to blow it all in one place and say something stupid like OMG LU ANN'S SISTER IS A HIDEOUS WITCH. And may actually be a witch, since she is somehow able to make Lu Ann's phone ring more insistently than I've seen a phone ring in this strip.

I feel guilty getting this strip, because I'm so ADD that I can't tell whether to focus on the sister, or that Lu Ann is suddenly a mannequin in the second panel.... or what. I mean, did her sister age in real time while the rest of this strip was stuck in place?

OK, I am going to open this up for a free-for-all so everyone else can have fun with it too. Some suggested sentence starters: "Janey is as ugly as a...." or "Janey has as many warts as..." or maybe "Lu Ann looks like she's had something stuck up her..."

Kissing Cousins

Whuh oh, Paul. Looks like Lu Ann's giving all her smooches to Ruby. Not good news for you, pal. Or "Master of Puppets" Mama Linski. I try to keep this blog pretty PG but... I mean, that's pretty racy for 3G. PRETTY RACY. I'm pretty sure in Apartment 3G, a kiss on the cheek is second base, maybe third. I think Lu Ann's just lashing out against the establinskiment; as for Ruby, there are three ways to interpret her expression in the second panel: 1. agape 2. eros 3. straight-up sleepiness (it was a long day)

The Right White Dress

For all the talk about how Frank Bolle has been phoning in the artwork, I have to say there are interesting and subtle nuances to this strip. Note that Lu Ann is shrouded in white on one side of the panels, whilst Paul stands opposite, her in a doorway that leads into darkness. The darkness of a Linksi future in Hoboken, perchance? In the final panel, they are separated by Ruby, who is perhaps the pink personification of Lu Ann's yet unspoken doubts.

Can you tell that I went to a liberal arts school, and that I've run out of humorous observations about this unending storyline?

Just Let Her Say Yes to the GD Dress!!

Look, it's really precious and all, but I don't know how Lu Ann is going to fit into that adorable tiny little dress. And aren't we taking this "Lu Ann as the Linkski's doll/puppet/plaything" metaphor a little far?

Say Yes to the Dress so we can move on already

Friday, October 11, 2011

Okay, so as mrvy pointed out in the previous post's comments, Paul might have a legitimate reason to have some say in Lu Ann's attire on wedding day. And he can't possibly call or text, he has to tell her in person. Right now. Of course.

Saturday, October 12, 2011

That said, when a bride is wearing her dress, most gals want to hear their grooms say that they look "beautiful" rather than gush that they look "modest in every way!!" Ruby gives no reason as to why she's crying. If I were Lu Ann, I would press for details. I think maybe she's shopping for dresses at the same bridal chain Adrian Corey was.

I Must Control This!

"And by wrong dress, I mean any dress. Because obviously you are going to wear Mother's wedding dress. In fact, I brought you some of her clothes to wear so you'll smell like her. Don't you think your hair should be greyer?"

Say YES!!! to the Dress

MY GOD LU ANN WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF SOCIALIST HIPPY FREAK?? Of course the dress is that important. It's like you've never been married before. How about you try to find something like that peasant shirt you're rocking, except one that goes all the way to the ground? Something that says "Bohemian meets Hoboken."

Say Yes to the Dress

Wow, who thought we were actually going to get to see Lu Ann try on dresses? Or that Lu Ann was going to bring the twins out shopping? I'm going to go out a limb and say this is the first time that cleavage has been featured in this strip. Also, I would say that it smallest line ever drawn to represent cleavage. I wonder what the name of this store is? Victorian Secret?

Ruby-Watch

Ruby may be unphased by the oft-hurtful "are you her mother?" comment, but her world has been rocked by Lu Ann's unbridled thoughtlessness regarding the design of her wedding dress. It is a little surprising, Lu Ann seems like the kind of gal who dreams about her wedding day... and in fact, she has been married before (Lu Ann Powers, nee Wright), so that should give her a few thoughts about how to approach the event. But nooooo, she had to throw Ruby into a swively, bobbly catatonic state. Just look at her. Will she ever recover? We can only watch and pray.

You'll Love David's Bridal

Friday November 4, 2011

Sugar, are you trying to tell me that Paul is a weird Oedipal oaf and deep down you think you're making a huge mistake marrying him? ...No? You're just worried about the dress? Whoops, sorry! Did that come off as TERRIBLE AND BITCHY? You know us Texas ladies, not a thread of tact strung up in our magenta hair.

Saturday November 5, 2011

I though Lu Ann's mom was institutionalized or something crazy like that, but I think actually Lu Ann's sister was institutionalized (or something) and Mrs. Lu Ann is taking care of her. Or something. Here's the only strip I could find about it, back when Lu Ann was hanging out with her pops up in South Dakota. Funny she didn't want to spend more time out there!

March 2, 2009

Yawn...

Thursday update

So, things have been kind of crazy, which is why I spaced on my Thursday update... but honestly, it's about how tired Lu Ann is? That's really lame. I'm just hoping one day really does matter, and then we see stuff really go down with Lu Ann's family.

Bridge and Tunnel Man

I had to Google "bridge and tunnel man" to find out it wasn't some kind of backhanded compliment about Paul's blue-collar hardworking values. "Bridge and tunnel" actually refers to people who commute into Manhattan, for work or pleasure! Isn't that a fun little fact? I love it when A3G teaches me things. Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's coming from Hoboken! It's... BRIDGE AND TUNNEL MAN!!

In the beginning...

Pay no attention to this salty droplet creeping down my face. I'm not really crying! I guess I never really pictured Lu Ann as the youngin' of the group. Clearly Margo is the oldest, but Tommie seems more like the young one to me. Maybe that's just because she's been in a Peter Pan wardrobe phase this week. The important thing is that both Tommie and Margo were really hesitant to bring her on board as a roomie, but then financial necessity and a complete lack of other applicants guided their hands. What a wonderful friendship genesis story! I wonder if it's accurate? Maggie, to the archives!