Big Time!!

Cole was sent to therapy... big time? I've been trying to think of something witty to say about this all morning, but I'm too confused. Is the therapy what's being described as "big time," or the way he was sent there? Can you go to the grocery store big time? Is Lu Ann listening to clumsy exposition big time? Does Marty big time need to get picked up from the library any time soon?

Is this Conversation Still Going On?

"Why would I be worried about a head injury?  Talking to you, it's clear that a human can survive without cognitive function.  I just wanted to get back to my little mullet.  Actually, the hospital is where I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, can you believe it?  I just thought I wasn't getting enough ruffage!"

Sent Home

Maybe it's both, Lu Ann! Maybe some things are complicated. Unlike the gallery's sudden obsession with paintings of cabins in the woods.

So Where's Tommie?

While being bored to tears by this awful storyline and Lu Ann's inane internal observations, I noticed the first non-squiggle painting in the gallery/history of A3G!  It's a ramshackle gingerbread house in an overgrown moss forest.  What is Frank trying to tell us?  Is this the cabin in the woods where they are forcing him to draw Lu Ann talking to Cole for days on end?

Then It All Changed

Why does Cole feel like he can talk to Lu Ann again? Is it her razor-sharp insights?

Cole: My doctors put me on meds, but I fought them. And then it all changed. 

Lu Ann: Things got better?

Cole: No, I had a kid.  

Lu Ann: So things DID get better!

Cole: Yes and no. I loved Marty, but being a soldier was all I knew how to do. So I--

Lu Ann: Got a puppy?

Cole: --reenlisted. And it was--

Lu Ann: Fun?

Cole: --harrowing. But what else can I do? None of my experience is applicable to the jobs I'm applying for and I've suffered serious mental trauma. Who will hire me?

Lu Ann: Maybe you can get a job curating art!

Strength

Does Lu Ann need to tell herself to be strong because she can't deal with Cole's endless problems and depression? Or does she need to keep herself from being brutally honest and telling him that no, it never gets better, not even after 50 years pass from the time your loved one dies, but maybe that's because everyone's trapped in an ageless, timeless loop of unrelenting melodrama? Stay strong, Lu Ann. Cole doesn't need another burden to bear.

War

Cole probably feels comfortable talking to Lu Ann because unlike the White Coats, Lu Ann won't be taking notes, or judging him, or even understanding what he's talking about.

War Stories

"My best buddy in the Army was from South Dakota.  We were going to come back from Iraq and start the very first shrimping boat business in South Dakota.  People told him he was crazy, that South Dakota has no access to the ocean, but they couldn't bring him down.  That was his dream, and it became my dream too.  We were both members of an elite USO unit...the 117th Flying Fosses.  We could infiltrate enemy lines and set up a Rodgers and Hammerstein tribute faster than anybody...anybody!  That's what were doing when...the accident happened...The last thing I remember, I was rehearsing I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair.  It was a wonderful number, always my favorite...When I woke up, the Flying Fosses were a distant memory.   Not like the song Memory, we never did Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff.  The government wouldn't pay for decent cat costumes.  The doctors said because we in such a remote part of the country, all they could do for my hand was to salvage a pointer finger by lopping off small parts of my other fingers.  I can't go back to the Fosses with THIS!  I can't even do a simple jazz hand!"

Keep Me Company

Oh no! Cole's going to hang out with Lu Ann for another hour/week? How is Lu Ann going to get any work done?

You Light Up My Life

No, Lu Ann, it looks like the muffled ring/vibration is coming from inside Cole himself!  Either that or the awkward ergonomics of that Krazer are causing him to writhe in pain.  The best part about this strip is how Cole's joy is presented in the Sunday recap.

It's delightful.  A touch of cross eye, a soupçon of boozy smirk and all kinds of bobble.  You're welcome.

White Coats

I think Casey fell over and died of boredom with this strip yesterday, so I'll jump in!

Thursday July 18, 2013

Here we go, coffee and muff—well, fruit. You like fruit, Cole?

Friday July 19, 2013

I hope Cole means he actual talks to a pile of white coats he has stacked up on an armchair somewhere. The coats know there's nothing wrong with sitting quietly!

This is... this is so boring. SO BORING! Where is the Governor when you need him??

Library

I guess this is Cole's PTSD flaring up again, in the form of neurotic "helicopter parenting," (little known side effect), but any situation where Lu Ann is the smart one is troubling to me.

Not Without My Daughter

 

Maybe Marty isn't answering her phone because she put it on vibrate while she was having her lesson with Lu Ann.  Not as a matter of etiquette, but because electronic noises frighten and confuse Lu Ann, and Marty didn't want to have to explain that "ring tones are just songs that your phone sings when it's happy" again.

Anything Wrong?

It's sad how routinely I get my hopes up with this strip; for example, the hope that I would get to witness the Governor pick up the First Hooker in A3G History. I can't believe how foolish I was. I will not get my hopes up again that, say, Marty ran away and joined the circus, or that she's living with a troop of homeless people in the sewers of New York, catching rats to survive. We may hear about it later, but we will never, ever see it. Let's all just accept that.

Zoey the Witch

Only in A3G-verse would someone spend two days with the best stylist in New York and look like something the cat dragged in.  At least you're back at home with the comfort of your matching green drapes and chair and pumpkin orange lamp shade.  

Drop In

Awesomeness ahoy! Where do you think the Gov is going? Drag show? Brothel? One of those Japanese eyeball-licking clubs? Smart money says he's going to a boring old bar where he gets his picture taken talking to some floozy (both fully clothed), but I can't WAIT to see what an A3G floozy looks like.

So Sweet

In today's news, Lu Ann has developed Stockholm Syndrome.

Can't Decide

You know, we make fun of this strip a lot for being anachronistic, but judging by the digital camera/BlackBerry technology, I'm guess it's 2006. Which I guess means that Zoey is a vintage clothing retailer, Lu Ann and the others are all hipsters, and the Governor will be right at home when Mad Men comes out in a year.

Zingers

There's so much to make fun of...satire brain cells overheating!

1) "I liked all the blue paint colors on that swatch, so I painted one wall each color. It's fashion..."
2) "Hold still...I'm just randomly pointing this camera in your general direction. It has a viewfinder, but the shot will be more high fashion if I don't look through it."
3) "MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! The light...it burns...IT BURNS!!!"
4) Zoey's got a real delicate way with her clients.
5) I'll bet Zoey bought that gown from a Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman costume department trunk sale. It's prairie chic!
6)  "Hey, there's my girl! What a coincidence that I would find you at exactly the place and time of the appointment I made for you/have been receiving a live stream of pictures from! 

Pretty Girls

A heterosexual male with a thing for pretty girls? What a monster! The fact that Zoey's taking pictures of everything for Gov Trog is less "mean" and more "gross," but then again, I have no idea what clothes Lu Ann's wearing or what poses she's striking. (This is only a comic strip, after all.) There's no indication from Lu Ann that anything lewd or indecent is going on... I mean, she's wearing a granny nightgown. She's probably posing with her hands folded in her lap and the old fashioned candle somewhere in the background.

Actually, this is getting weird.

Days Later

Well at least Zoey talked Lu Ann out of leaving her studio/apartment in that pink blouse, and got her to wear that much more fashionable Hanes Her Way t-shirt in the exact same color.  Makeover for the win!

The Zoey Ziggler Chronicles

Thursday July 4, 2013

Honestly, I hate shopping, but if someone were to pull a rack of fancy ball gowns that they already thought would be good for me to try on, that'd be pretty sweet. Basically what I'm saying is, buck up, Lu Ann!

Friday July 5, 2013

We seriously don't get to see any gowns? This is silly. And Zoey, you're a failure as a stylist for letting Lu Ann slip back into that pink polo shirt even for one second. Now that she's fully dressed again (presuming she's wearing pants), she's just going to bolt out of Zoey's studio and run screaming into the night.

I guess... I guess this is another Lu Ann personality trait, actually, that she just really doesn't give a flip about dresses. Which is shocking, I thought that would be a Tommie personality trait.

Don't Want to be Changed

Wah wah wah. I don't want to be changed. I like my long-sleeve polos pink and my diapers dirty.

I think it's sweet that Lu Ann is exhibiting an established personality trait (don't mess with her hair, she'll just change it back); it's not so sweet, however, that Lu Ann hasn't changed her shirt in a week.

Big-Shot Plays the Field

I think Barking Monkey was right.  That is by far the deepest v-neck ever seen in A3G, and there is no end in sight.  It's making Lu Ann's blouse blush!

Margo's playing the field for fun!  That means a life of strict celibacy inside the apartment for approximately five months until she embarks on her next adventure, where a man who looks suspiciously like Trey Brooks and Greg Cooper will break down her steely resolve. 

Immaterial

Whoa there, Lu Ann. You do not point at the Margo. You do not challenge the Margo. You do not taunt the Margo. Unless you're feeling lucky, or you don't particularly care if your right hand gets ripped from your body and devoured.