Families > Adventures > Failures

Panels from Sunday's strip. If you read the middle strip as "homes and families," it makes sense that Iris might have a few regrets. However, if you read it as "homes and failures," as I did when I read it, then Iris' alternate lifestyle doesn't seem so bad!

Please, Iris, I Want Some More

APARTMENT 3-G YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. You promise me deli food, so I'm thinking pastrami on rye (seedless, please!), maybe with some pickle spears, maybe a little potato salad, top it off with a fountain soda, maybe even an egg cream!... and then you show me an empty plate. I can't stand it.

Meanwhile, Aunt Iris is worldy? I think we've all assumed that Ohio + Gary Larson style glasses = bumpkin, but apparently she's a vagabond. The world's dowdiest vagabond. You'd think she'd have better luggage by now!

Tommie Thompson Stars in: The Play

Oh, the play? Is that still happening? I really did assume her part in it was just an belabored set up to get Tommie on I Dressed in the Dark. An elaborate hoax, if you will! Um, I haven't noticed her going off to practice anymore, or to the theater at all. I think the play opened, right? And she's going off trying to find work before finishing her other gig? Burning bridges, Tommie. That's all I'm saying.

Meanwhile, middle panel: I think I found a new profile picture! There's something delightfully wacky about her upturned, faraway stare.

Tell You What?

Tell you what, Aunt Iris? Tell you that it's dangerous to walk in the middle of the street? Ohio is more rural than I thought... now come back to the sidewalk. And watch out for the yellow ones, they don't stop.

Pish Tosh?

"You mean like cheap luggage? ZINNNNNNNNNNNNG"

...is what Tommie should say, but probably won't. I don't know if tomorrow's strip is going to be about Aunt Iris being shocked by New York City prices or about delicious pastrami sandwiches, but I should be happy either way.

Pie Today!

Since Maggie and Megan are both out now in a corn maze or riding goats or joining an Amish community or something (I don't really know, they're 3000 miles away and I barely pay attention to anything that say.... just kidding!), I suppose I should make today's post. Which is a shame, because after reading today's strip, I feel really stupid. I don't get it. I mean, the only thing I got about today's strip is that Iris, Margo, and Lu Ann are horrible gluttons. Iris brought this pie specifically for Tommie, and they proceed to eat almost the entire pie in what I can only imagine is a matter of a couple hours?

But, regardless, I don't understand the punchline, at all. Does she mean "jamming pie down your gullet today"? I don't know. I'm honestly questioning my sanity, because of how little sense this makes to me. Then again, it seems like Lu Ann and Margo are on the same page, so maybe I'm OK. Insights, anyone?

Oh, a quick Google search tells me it has something to do with Through the Looking Glass, and I guess instant gratification or something, whatever, I'm going to pretend it's a complete non sequitur because it's actually funnier that way.

Who IS That?

Oh... Tommie. That piece of pie isn't your Aunt Iris. She's the one holding the pie. Come on, you know better. It's terrible that young women these days think they have to act dumb to be popular and stylish. Or at least just popular. What happened to all the v-neck shirts?

Who Wants a Piece?

Oh man. I bet the shouting matching that will inevitably occur between sweet old Aunt Iris and Margo will be as delicious as that buckeye pecan pie. Who wants a piece indeed! I don't believe in delayed gratification either, so you two might as well get started. Let's see some fist shaking and expletives, pronto!

Whither, Tommie Thompson?

LOOK HOW HAPPY Margo is in the second panel! "Well, if you must be getting the hell out of my apartment, that's just the way it is, I suppose!" She has the plastic, frozen smile of Mark Trail. Now that would be a match up... Margo vs. Mark, claws vs. fists... I'm sorry what were we talking about?

Oh yeah, what's dear old Aunt Iris planning to do? Call Tommie up and yell at her until she comes home? Telekinetically summon her to the apartment? I don't know, but it seems like Aunt Iris is a woman of action. ...and I like it!

So Where's that Niece of MINE?

Of course you can come in. You're already inside the apartment. I don't know how much more in we can let you. Would you like to come in to the kitchen? Let me help you with your cheap invisible luggage.

Which One Are You?

Well... well I guess this could still be a serial murderer who lugs her victims' bodies with her wherever she goes. But since there haven't been any stabbings yet, I'm going to guess it's Tommie's great aunt Tilly, who's going to crash at 3G for a while and hamper Tommie's dreams of stardom with her cheap luggage-toting frugality and common sense.

There is also still an outside chance this could be Santa. Much like Zeus and Hermes, who disguised themselves as weary travelers to test the compassion of mortals, Santa wears many masks to find out if we're good or not. Don't be tricked, Margo!

Who's Got a Big Red Cherry Nose?

Oh my gosh... SANTA!!!!!

Doing Some Thinking

I never like Margo more than when she's distainfully looking down her nose at someone. Her look in panel two tells me, "Even though you paint flowers, I'm willing to give you the job because I don't care about the gallery anymore and it might be amusing to watch you crash and burn. Now please twist in your invisible lightbulbs somewhere else, I'm very busy with these blank sheets of paper I just picked up."

How Lu Ann Got Her Hair Back

Well at least someone is excited about instantly falling back into a rut. Lu Ann got her hair back, and additionally she's SUPER-PUMPED ABOUT EXTENSIONS! OMG, too cool. I'm not noticing any added length, so I'm a little puzzled about her sudden enthusiasm, but Lu Ann has gotten excited over stranger things (read: South Dakota).

Seriously, I can't work out a scenario in which that hair involves extensions. Readers?

In a Rut

Margo girl, you need to shake it up. Maybe another stint in the sweatshops will help you sort out your priorities. Or maybe you let Jack run the Mills Gallery and go back to your publicist roots. Or maybe you can go back to events planning. Or maybe you can take a trip and meet the Dalai Lama. Hey wait, haven't you done all of these things in the past five years?

Hello, Opportunity!

Wait, is Tommie going out to find a job or to find a singing career? Are either of those things you can just go out and find? Maybe she thinks since she's in New York she will literally find some kind of opportunity on her doorstep? I say, go for it girl! If Luann DeGroot and April Patterson can have singing careers, why not you?

Back to Normal

The bun is back!! The bun is back!!! And so are the white shirts. Apparently Kat and Kitty had no qualms about all the white.

Well, Margo seems to be content to let life slide back to it's familiar routine (to the haunting refrain of anything can be undone...), but not Tommie! She's taking her V-neck sweater and carefuly preserved hairstyle on the ROAD! I guess a new haircut was all the catayst Tommie needed to leave behind her day-and-night job for a life of piano accompanying and background vocals, all while crafting her own solo album.

Oh my gosh I can't wait to hear what the album is called. Oh my gosh I can't wait to see the cover art. I can't even wait to hear how this conversation advances!

Beginner's Luck

Tommie feels lucky and blessed now, but I just bet she left her wallet in the back seat of the cab. She's waving goodbye to Gina and hello to identity theft.

Sick at Home

Hi everyone, it's Maggie! Sorry for the extended absence. I just haven't been able to shake this cold. Turns out that I'm borderline anemic (damn flirtation with vegetarianism!), which, in addition to not enough sleep, is why I haven't been convalescing. Jeez. Is that how you spell that? Oh well. A couple of cheeseburgers and a Z-pack and I'll be good as new.

In the meantime, I've just been sitting on the couch watching the Food Network in a daze, hoping they'll inspire me to cook up some Campbell's beef vegetable soup. Hey everyone, how does Giada stay so skinny? and elfin? and annoying? I find it ingratiating that she pronounces every food according to the language it comes from. It makes me feel like I've been mispronouncing "gratin" all these years.

But enough about me! What are my ladies up to?

Oh, LU ANN STILL CAN'T GET OVER HER FUCKING HAIR. I turned off Paula Dean for this?? I could be learning how to make a mayonnaise-based meatloaf right now.

And again, Margo has something cryptic to say. "One way or another, anything can be undone." Sounds Margo is talking about more than hair, but if so, what could she be referring to? Is she going to try to ruin the wedding and "undo" Jack and Doris' engagement? Because yeah, then seriously no one is ever going to want you to be a bridesmaid again ever. Ohhh, Doris. I can't believe you were so foolish to ask in the first place.

Wedding Hijinks!

I figured I'd give Megan a break and take this one on.

I'm not really sure what Margo's getting at in the second panel. Like, is she implying that Doris has to ask multiple times after their initial agreement, or else it's nullified? "Just checking again, guys, are you still planning on being my bridesmaids?!" So if she doesn't ask again, they're off the hook? Or is she planning to misbehave so much as Doris's bridesmaid that no one else will ever ask her again, and this makes the whole humiliating process worthwhile? I just REALLY hope Doris puts them in some awful taffeta number and the whole wedding goes down with Lu Ann crying over how bad it looks with her brunette hair, and with Margo undertaking some kind of Carrie-like revenge. "That's the last time a man dares to innocently flirt with me and then allow his mousey fiancee to ask me to be a bridesmaid! They're all gonna laugh at YOU, Jack."

Average Jack

Apparently, I'm the only member of the triumvirate that cares about the loyal readers! Casey's away message says something about a bottle of wine, and Maggie has mysteriously disappeared from the online world.

"What a fool I was, Margo! A FOOL! Put me in a court jester outfit and parade me in front of the royal court..." I'm failing to recall a time when Jack flirted with either of you, I just thought he was trying to be nice to you/having a normal work related conversation. I guess in the A3Gverse any male-female interaction qualifies as flirting.

And Margo is completely right, Jack obviously wasn't interested in them because they were too above average. Men are wired to find the most average looking woman attractive and then ignore other completely smoking hot women.

Housecoat Party!

Good to see that Tommie is out making the best of her new and improved look. Who's wearing the house coats now? Seriously, did Kat let you keep those housecoats? Nothing says modern woman who spends evenings at home like a shapeless housecoat. All the girls are getting them now!

I wonder what Margo wants to talk about? Is it how much they love their new housecoats?

Jack Throws a Curveball

Friday, September 30th

I have no idea whether it is Lu Ann or Margo making that statement in the last panel. It looks to me like it's Lu Ann's hair, but Margo has an exceptionally evil look on her face, one that says "Oh Doris, now that we've gotten this makeover, we're sooo much more stylish than you, with your unfortunate bob, outdated glasses, and general library marm aesthetic. Of course we'll let you borrow our new, better clothes, but you will never look as hot as us!" It is a naive selfishness that does sound like Lu Ann, but as a brunette, she's going to have to beef up her intellectual powers.

Saturday, October 1st

Jack, I know that you think Lu Ann is a dumb blonde, but it's a little bit redundant to introduce someone has your fiancee and soon-to-be wife, as they pretty much mean the same thing. This news has sent Lu Ann and Margo into a bobble-headed tizzy. What? Her? You mean Doris McNoFace? Did you ask Doris' cats for permission to ask for her hand? I know that Mr. Whiskers had reservations about your flirtatious relationship with Lu Ann. Miss Marple just doesn't want to get hurt again, like last time...