Where Do I Start

Tuesday December 30, 2014

Wednesday December 31, 2014

I know you guys think this DOESN'T look like the Tribecca Grill, but come on! Look at that waiter! You're telling me that's not a four-star maître d'? You're telling me that's, what, some kind of used car salesman? Get outta town. Now, are we gonna talk or not?

Overworked

So, during the time of this blog's unofficial winter holiday, it seems that all we've missed is Margo taking a nap. MERRRRRRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

Now, back to the Tribeca Grill, which I have to say looks significantly more restaurant-like than the last time we visited. (other patrons! a chandelier! a guy carrying a tray that either has a glass or a candle on it!)

The Buck Stops Here

Talk to the hand, because the face has clocked out for the weekend.  I wonder why Sam is upset... Is it because Gabby has stopped having a relationship with the groom-to-be or because she has yet to completely obey the teachings of the cult of wedding superstitions he's been trying to indoctrinate her in?

I wonder if the bloggers were good enough this year for Santa to bring us either an actual storyline or a swift end to whatever this is.  I'd settle for Sam being a hilarious incidental character.

Long Week

In case you missed Saturday's strip, it was basically Martin telling Gabriella, "Margo loves you so much and she'll always make time for you and she's really committed to planning this wedding!" So any upcoming strips involving Sam the de facto wedding planner are sure to be delightful... unlike the tragic plot twist that every woman in the strip except Margo and Tommie is forced to have a shoulder-length flip hairdo, dyed either jet black or canary yellow.

Teachings?

Uhh, Martin? You don't even know what faith your fiance belongs to? This does not bode well... Maybe it's time for you to have some conversations with your future wife.

That said, I think a more likely conclusion to this story than "Martin opens his mind and accepts Gabriella even if he doesn't agree with her" is "Gabriella is flimflammed by a fortune teller and Martin has to save her somehow and wasn't Gabriella silly." And even though that would be stupid and diminutive, it would kind of be worth it to see a flimflammer. This strip hasn't had an antagonist since Tori, and she was awwwwwwesommmmme!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

"I'll do whatever you want, unless you want me to respect you. That's who I am - a man who can't respect your silly belief system. I can't change who I am, so could you please just change who you are?"

This seems like a healthy relationship to me. Definitely get married.

Culture

Oh, Gabby Wabby! You know I wuv you the most, wight? And I love it that you have beliefs and everything! Except, why can't they be my beliefs? Can you do that for me, Gabby? Can you just put away your silly beliefs in tarot and voodoo and be more like every other white person in this strip? And when I say "white person," I mean "person."

To be fair, Gabriella, I don't think there's anyone in this strip who's encountered your superstitious ways and not scoffed in disdain or rolled their eyes or laughed in your face. So this can't really be coming out of nowhere.

One Reason

Poor Martin, through all the stress of Gabriella's emotional distance and having his sordid past revealed to Lu Ann and Margo by Telly Savalas, he forgot to pick up more Just For Men.  I'm sure that there is a Duane Reade near the Towers, Martin!  It will make you feel so much better.  And Keith Hernandez has assured me that it will help you with your lady wooing.

On the City Streets

Gabriella! Gabby! Gabbs! Gabsolutely Fabulous! Great to see you after all this time! Has it been two years, or just a year and ten months? Well, WHO'S COUNTING ANYWAY, sister friend! So glad you've started dying your hair back to your original hue. Unfortunately, it hasn't succeeded in making you look any younger. In fact, it kind of makes you look like a brunette Carol Collins. Not that that's a bad thing—clearly Martin can't take his eyes off you[r neck]!

Totally Wrong

I got no time for the jibber jabber with this strip, just wanted to make sure it's in the archives in case I ever have to reference the day that Margo and Martin's burgeoning father-daughter love blossomed into a full-on tender hug-a-thon (while Lu Ann awkwardly tries to keep the conversation going).

No Big Deal

No joke, I've spent about a half hour trying to come up with an appropriate reference for who Lu Ann looks like in this in that last panel. Shelley Winters? Too much hair. Vivian Vance? Same. Loni Anderson? No. Loni Anderson never looked as old as Lu Ann does right here. Any ideas?

Anyway, she's obviously secondary in this scene as Martin and Margo bask in their newly found daughter-father love. Lu Ann, the fire escape is still a viable option if you want to get out and avoid the lobby with Mr. Six Flags, as Downpuppy delightfully dubbed him.

Martin's Past

Um, I don't want to alarm anyone, but Martin may be having a stroke in the second panel.  Someone should see if Tommie is working doubles back at the hospital.  Either that or he's got the panic bobbles that overcome any man when Margo declares her love for him.

Bad Reputation

 Tuesday December 9, 2014

Wednesday December 10, 2014

No no, I get it, it is important, I'm just saying! If you don't want to cheerfully divulge the circumstances of your broken household in the blandest, most nondescript way possible, that's fine. I'm cool. In fact, I thought I was leaving? I'll just take the fire escape to avoid the whole "lobby" thing. No worries! Don't mind little old me!

Reputations

Yup, when Gabriella kicked me out of the house, I decided to return to the hotel where I used to conduct all of my sexual escapades. It's not like I came here because on check-in the concierge knows to send up "the usual." I just like the restaurant here! I have a table! Leave me alone!! Oh, and send up the other blond in the lobby, will you?

Here's a link to The Towers, by the way: http://www.newyorkpalace.com/towers I'm sure Martin has the Champagne suite.

Smug Creatures

As the great Liz Lemon would say "Another successful interaction with a man!" Was Yul Brynner smug?  It just seemed like he worked at the hotel and was trying to offer some exceptional customer service.   And you cut him off before he could serenade you with "A Puzzlement."  It's his best number. 

Presumptuous

Thursday December 4, 2014

Friday December 5, 2014

Oh, I see. You're with Mr. Magee. I understand. He sure does have a thing for ladies in turtlenecks.

I guess that can be interpreted as presumptuous, but in Mr. Clean's defense, his expression hasn't changed at all.

No clue how old this guy is supposed to be, but if Lu Ann dates someone without hair I'll eat my hat, so I guess he's just supposed to be a random grody bellhop or something.

Stretch My Legs

Wh—LU ANN! What are you doing here?? Oh yeah, you were "invited" and I guess just sneaking around off-panel. Never mind, you're already so bored that you're excusing yourself from the room, so that when no one draws you it'll be normal again. Welp, really glad you stopped by so that we could stretch this conversation for another strip. Okay, byyye!

Now, back to the converesation! I'm excited by all this talking for once. I think what's going to happen is that Gabriella is being possessed by a "espíritu maligno," like the one she knew was possessing Lu Ann that one time! And the spirit is making her act all crazy and order people around and I guess forcing Martin out of the apartment. And to try to suppress it, Gabriella is denying her cultural heritage and hiding her accent and, I don't know, probably not wearing those hoop earrings anymore. IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Oh boy. I can't wait. This is gold, Jerry... GOLD!

Homeless at the Tower

 

Oh, I don't know...maybe the underling whom you delegated the wedding planning to?  I think his name was  Scott?  Or Sam...so close!  He could be very traditional and insist that Gabriella not live with her future husband, but instead cloister herself with her hand maidens while her father or male relative negotiates the dowry.

At the Towers...

I'm not even going to review the week of strips I missed while I was off being thankful and cooking this bad boy:

I'm not reviewing in part because it will dishearten me so to find that nothing happened and plus it's probably just more interesting to fill in the blanks myself. So let's see, after four missed strips, what's going down:

What happened to single ladies lunch with Lu Ann?? Let me guess.

Margo and Martin are meeting at his room at the exquisitely luxurious Towers Hotel Co. He arranged for a room here after Gabriella kicked him out of his own home for defying her wedding plans. When Martin observed that "releasing doves after the ceremony seems a little much, but releasing bald eagles is completely out of the question," Gabriella flew into a newly WASP-y rage: gin, icy silence, and changing the locks. Now, exiled by a fiance who won't even pick up his calls when her phone tootles, he's summoned his daughter to console him as he stares at the Towers' elegantly austere walls and wonders, "What's wrong with Gabriella?" Margo nods sympathetically, all the while her brain working feverishly to devise an escape.

Meanwhile, walking home after being ditched by Margo, Lu Ann twists her ankle while crossing the street. She falls to the pavement, immobile! Oh no! Luckily, she's immediately scooped up and out of traffic by a "hunky" fireman. Arms wrapped around his neck, she finds herself lost in his flat cyan eyes (just like hers!) and silky yellow hair (just like hers!). Before she can even ask his name, he puts her down on the sidewalk and melts back into the crowd. The only thing she knows about him is that he works at Manhattan Fire Department Co., New York's premiere fire fighters. Will she immediately reneg on her vow not to date to follow her heart?

MEANWHILE AGAIN! Tommie eats a bowl of cereal and reflects on her failed singing career. Her time with Lily inspired her to nurse again, but it also reminded her of her longing to sing in an Appalachian country band. She even wrote a concept album based on the plight of a orphaned fawn, "Bleating for Life." But she's too scared to show anyone her lyrics! What will become of her?

Anyway. Just a guess that's what I missed. Could be wrong.

Never For Now

Wait, that whole thing with the governor was supposed to be dramatic?  I can't even remember how it ended...I also don't think we can classify any of the male-female interactions in this strip as dating.  A male appears in the strip and is paired with his same hair color A3G female.  There are many strips of talking followed by an immediate escalation in the relationship with emerald or diamond rings given.  Then the male disappears and the cycle begins anew.

Too Busy

Man, if I were writing a strip to stall for time, these are basically the strips I would write.

Lu Ann: How's your mom's wedding going?
Margo: AWFUL! And off panel.
Lu Ann: Wasn't she going through some kind of identity crisis?
Margo: The last time I saw her was February of last year, so I'm sure she's fine. By the way, family members should never get involved in weddings!
Lu Ann: Oh!
Margo: I saw a family member punch another family member at a wedding once. That proves it.
Lu Ann: Okay.
Margo: How about lunch?
Lu Ann: Lunch? What's that?
Margo: It's this thing you put in your mouth and chew.
Lu Ann: Okay!
Margo: Should we go to a restaurant?
Lu Ann: Sure! Do you know any?
Margo: I know one! It's on Third!
On the stairs...Margo: My dad knows lots of restaurants.
Outside...Lu Ann: Wow! It feels good to see blue people walking around again.
Margo: WAIT--did you see what I saw??
Lu Ann: What?
Margo: Nevermind, it's nothing.
Lu Ann: Are you sure?
Margo: Yup, pretty much.
Lu Ann: Okay, now, which way is the restaurant?
Margo: Do you have Google Maps? Or a sense of direction?
Lu Ann: Would those be on my flip phone?
Margo: WAIT, Lu Ann--is that a penny on the sidewalk??

I mean this could go on forever. Just wait until we witness another snoozefest luncheon. At least we're outside... Maybe somebody will walk into the path of a bus! A gal can dream.

At Least They Left The Apartment?

OMG!  Matrón, the fabulous boutique on Third that caters to older, perpetually single women is having a a buy one, get one free sale on blouses and turtlenecks!  I hope Lu Ann put her credit card in her attaché case! 

My Treat

INADEQUATE! That was ONE horror story, and now we're just talking about eating again. This is the worst. This is nothing.

When nothing is happening in this strip, it always reminds me of that "This is something, this is nothing" Phil Hartman SNL skit where he's teaching an acting class. If you don't watch it, it's your loss.

Wedding Fun!

That's all you've got, Margo? Come on, I've seen worse on any given episode of Bridezillas.

Fistfights

Um. Lu Ann. You do too know how dangerous wedding planning can be. Do you remember nothing of the Paul Linski 100% natural good-time family wedding solution? You know, when you half-heartedly accepted Paul's proposal and he immediately bought the house next to his parents' house and declared your wedding dress needed sleeves and his family was not satisfied by your obvious lack of enthusiasm and ran a background check to figure out you're a war widow which means you're a liar and a big ho I guess?

Anyway. I still love Margo's huge brushstroke of "Family should never be involved in wedding plans!" She is so right, family's are such a nuisance when they care about stuff! If only we could just exclude them from Thanksgiving and Christmas and high school graduations, too.

Freedom

Wow, that was a quick resolution to Margo's wedding planning blues.  I mean, isn't Gabriella going to notice/be upset that Margo almost immediately pawned her daughterly duties off on someone else?  And isn't Gabriella going to yell at Margo in broken Spanish/Italian/Yiddish while gesticulating wildly?  Or is she so fully WASPified now that she'll just say something passive agressive and fix herself a nightcap?

Deceit

Oh yeah... Sam. Good old... Sam. Ahh. Okay, I admit, I really didn't think this was a character until I cross-checked with the Comic Curmudgeon and Sam is, indeed, real. He was Margo's party planning assistant, back when she was actually doing weddings, circa 2007 B.C. (Before Carla). He was only in a few strips, but since he was a dude, everyone pretty much assumed he and Margo were going to get together. Now that we know he's thrilled to be in charge of a old rich lady's aspirationally WASP-tacular wedding, we can probably rule out that romantic possibility.

A Little White Lie

Whoa! Did Lu Ann become the devil sitting on Margo's shoulder, speaking in uncanny weird English? I like her implication that if Margo were herself, it would've occurred to her to lie. That said, pretty sure you can't "white lie" about planning someone's wedding. Gabriella will definitely figure it out on the wedding day, when no one she knows shows up and the venue is booked for a bat mitzvah.

In Charge

Margo is under the assumption that everyone knows she is always in charge, so really, yeah, what would that change?

Outrageous Demands

You know, I make fun of Margo's work ethic a lot, but I guess if she nabbed Greg Cooper (James Bond) and Skyler Roan (a Bond girl, which is to say, at least as famous as Jane Seymour), then I guess she is at least a fairly well-regarded publicist. Provided that she is Greg's publicist. Cause it seems like when she repeatedly ignored his letters and asked him to stop talking to her altogether, she was probably not doing the best publicity for him either. Just a guess though. Margo can probably compartmentalize work and pleasure.

Have there been any movie posters for this Bond flick, by the way? I would love to see one. It'd probably be Greg (in a blue blazer) and Skyler (in a carnation pink crew neck) from the shoulder up in a white room looking at each other and talking. Why won't they make these fantastic movie posters??

What Is It About

 

It's about Margo being gun-shy about weddings after losing Greg, her one chance at true love.  Or that it's ostentatious for a second/later in life wedding to be lavish.  Or it's just about Margo not really wanting to plan the wedding because Gabriella is a bridezilla.  Or it could just be that we need a Margo storyline and this is the best that Shulock and Bolle can really do at this point. 

My Mother Happened

Jeez, guys. I don't know if I can keep doing this in good conscience.

On Friday, I linked to this strip from eight years ago (the last time Margo planned a wedding.. ha) and it's not like stylistically it's that different—we're still talking turtlenecks and squiggle art here—but there's some kind of nuance, at least. Some variation in expression and details and depth of field. I mean, Margo actually looks sassy!

Today's art... I don't know what to say about this. Weird eyes. Shrinking Margo. Is this funny? I went to my great-aunt's 92nd birthday over the weekend. She's mentally agile and a great conversationalist, but even if she wasn't, she's 92 years old. You don't make fun of an old person for not being able to do things as well as they used to. Frank Bolle is 90. Pointing out that the artwork is bad and was better when Frank was a young pup of 82 is like telling my great-aunt that her narrative style has gotten less succinct.

I don't know. Maybe it'll get funnier when Gabriella shows up and affects a British accent, which we'll only be able to detect by the spelling of words like "colour" and "programme."

Beyond Reasoning

Ummm. Margo. You used to be a wedding planner. And it's your mom. I don't think you can get out of this. Bring on the peacocks!

Drama!

GASP...

This better not be a favor you are asking from Margo. I hope you intend to pay her handsomely for her time, considering it will be keeping her from her inexplicably successful PR firm.

(Or is like "GASP... has she seen how I dress and decorate? Why in the world would she want me to plan a fancy wedding? Well, OK... turtlenecks for everyone!")

Stalling

No, Dad, I have work to do. I left my laptop in the other room—I mean... dining area—and those pictures of old boyfriends aren't going to look at themselves!

Hey wait a minute, is lunch over? I still haven't seen a waiter. Or food. Or even a narration box that says "After a sumptuous four-star meal..." And aren't comic strips supposed to have a plot or action or something, or is it okay to have a week of strips of two people having a pleasant lunch and then going their separate ways?

Lunch First

"And it's a solid wood table.  Not one of these Swedish, flat-packed, assembled with an allen wrench situations.  I'm rich!"

Margo, we went through this last week.  Martin's super worried about your mother trying to WASPify her accent, and apparently needs to come to your office multiple times because he can't handle it.  I mean, she probably started talking really fast with her hands, which totally scares WASPy guys.

Looks like we're in for another barn burner of a storyline.  Hang on to your hats.

I Have My Ways

Gee, DAD, the Tribeca Grill sure does look like generic office space to me. How did you get this table on such short notice? Did you just... buy a table and put it here? In the office? Does anyone actually work here? I don't smell food, and the bread basket on the table is filled with crumpled up balls of printer paper. What's for lunch? Is it sugar packets and powdered creamer on a paper plate you found in the break area? I definitely need a drink. Where's that waiter? And why are you wearing a waist apron?

Free Lunch

Keep working?  Or start working since you spent the whole morning mooning over Greg in your office armchair?  Margo's dedication to her job, which is apparently so strong that it doomed her relationship with Greg, is easily overcome by her even stronger desire that no one but her have fun/nice things.

Good thing Margo can dump all the work she is supposed to be doing on Carla, who can finish it up while she eats a mushy PB&J at her desk, again.

Far Too Driven

Uh. Margo. Quick tip. Sullen reflection is not your forte. Leave the week-long mope-fests to Tommie. You're a woman of action! I can only hope that you finish that sentence, "Work is my passion... but—dancing is ALSO my passion!"

No Time to Dwell

Obviously Margo wasn't busy enough to not have a box of Greg playing cards made up and play solitaire with them.  Was he really unattainable?  He seemed pretty into Margo.  He brought her bags of takeout and gave her an emerald ring.  It sounds like Margo's the unattainable one.  And that's they way we like it.

As Margo Reflects...

I like to think that this is how Margo spends her evenings. Relaxing in her overstuffed green armchair (a glass of wine just off panel no doubt), musing to herself, occasionally blurting out some bitter, rancorous sentiment to no one in particular.

Actually, works better if you cut out those thought bubbles...

Forgotten

 

Every time I load one of the strips from this storyline, I think "Oh, Lu Ann and Margo are having a conversation in their apartment."  Because that's what this is. 

I don't think a publicist is just supposed to answer your questions.  I think they're supposed to tell you to update your look and get you booked on like Live with Kelly and Michael to talk about your upcoming projects.  Or at least get you a sponsorship deal with Hanes Her Way.

Sort of a Jumble

Aw yeah! Time to see the maestro at work. Time to see why Margo makes the big bucks. Time to see why M and M Agency pulls in all the Bond girls. Just sit back in your tiny yellow chair and watch the magic happen.

Margo reveal her first step to a successful client relationship: make the client tell you how you're going to help them.

Shut Up

I am so happy to have Margo back. Just look at her. Only Margo can say "No problem" and really mean "I will destroy you and everyone you love.

Impressed

Ha ha ha. Oh Skyler. Soon enough you'll learn that when it comes to Margo, no one is easy to work with.