Tuesday, June 10, 2014

He's Just Not That Into You

Top five signs that your dead best friend's widower is just not that into you:

1)  When you show up unannounced, he makes it a good 6-8 hours in your presence before leaving for an unplanned vacation without a return date.
2)  A man who works alone on a farm in Happiness Falls (population 2), tells you he needs more alone time.
3)  He's willing to callously abandon the newborn calves, damaged mares and feral orphans that he spends his days and nights tending to without a second thought.
4)  He gave you an incredibly awkward kiss only after you browbeat him into doing it.  And he was probably planning his escape the entire time.
5)  He holds his coffee mug like a dainty teacup.

My advice?  Pick up the pieces and then do some internet research on finding a good chemical peel/laser resurfacing/botox party. 


Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Wha-?? Why is Jack calling Lu Ann "Carol"?

Anonymous said...

Ha! I love all five!

molly said...

I have nothing to add, except: this list is awesome.