Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Curl Up in the Hay

I think this ridiculous baby/fawn mix-up is still going on, but the Washington Post is so bored/disgusted/apathetic to it all that it won't even show me what's going on anymore:

So instead, I'm just going to write the dialogue so far and see just how hilarious this has become, even without the benefit of Frank Bolle's classic illustrations! Where will it rank in terms of timeless comedy bits? Are we in in the realm of the "Dead Parrot" skit, or merely "Who's on First"? I'll update this post when we come to the sure-to-be-hysterical conclusion.

Tina: Yoo-hoo, Carol—oh, good, you're still here!
Carol: Yes, Tina... (sigh) I'm still here.
Tina: Word has it that Jack is on one of his crazy streaks.
Carol: Someone is pulling your leg, Tina.
Tina: I have it from a good source, Carol. We both know that Jack is unpredictable.
Carol: (probably questioning what the hell sources she's got, there are like two people in this town) Your source is mistaken, Tina.
Tina: It's okay, Carol. You don't have to pretend everything is fine. I'm here for you, dear.
Carol: (demon faced) I have no idea what you are talking about.
Carol: Oh, Tommie's here. Tina, have you met Jack's assistant?
Tina: Um, no. I haven't, Carol.

Here's where the hilarity really ramps up. Hold on to your hats guys.

Tommie: Don't mind me—I'm just getting milk for baby.
Tina: How exciting! I just adore babies, don't I, Carol!
Carol: (totally delighted face)
Tina: (coy) How old is you darling child, dear?
Tommie: Call me Tommie. The baby is four months old, Tina.
Tina: Like I always say, Carol—the joy of motherhood is the greatest joy of all!
Carol: (unexpectedly dejected) Right, Tina. Especially if you have a nanny.
Tina: May I see your baby, Tommie?
Tommie: Oh sure, Tina. Lily must be around here somewhere.
Tina: You're joking, right?
Tommie: My Lily is quite active, Tina.
Tina: Now you're just being silly, Tommie. Everyone knows a four-month-old can't crawl!
Tommie: Just wait and see.
Tina: Where is Lily?
Tommie: Probably in the barn--she loves to curl up in the hay.
Tina: You can't be serious, Tommie! Carol, say something!!
Carol: Say something about what, Tina?
Tina: Okay, Tommie—you and Carol are both crazy!
Tommie: I hear footsteps‐here comes Lily!
Tina: Lily is a deer?!!
Tommie: Oh, did I forget to mention that, Tina?
Tina: If this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny, Tommie!
Tommie: Carol is laughing, Tina.
Carol: (hardly present, recalling happier times, perhaps)
Tina: You two witches can go to... well you know where!!
Carol: Bye-bye, Tina.

My only wish is that this hilarity lasts forever. Or at least until I die. Which if I'm lucky should be in about 70 years. I plan to live to be 100. And read about this hilarity every day of my life.


Anonymous said...

Ha! You are funny! I love this.

fauxprof said...

It took until 11:30 before the comics finally could be viewed at, depriving me of both 3G and Mary Worth this morning. Some global glitch at king Features, I guess. Anyway, Tina grows progressively younger while Tommie continues her merry prank. Gotta love it!

Scott P. said...

Jack runs a veterinary hospital and Tommie has been introduced as his assistant yet Tina is so monumentally dense she can't figure out they might not be talking about a human baby.

If Tommie had a four-month old baby, what are the odds she'd actually bring it to work at the hospital, anyways?

Allen said...

Everyone at King Features Syndicate must be thinking this is comedy gold. Shulock must really be patting herself on the back with this one, given how long it's dragging out.

Meanwhile, Tommie was initially talking like a cavewoman when exchanging dialogue with Tina. I'm sad this won't go on forever.
"Need milk for baby"
"Ungh, Jack not here."
"Lily sleeping, no wake up, when last time I feed?"