Good News/Bad News

Well folks, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, Maggie's going to be back tomorrow! The bad news is, it's because she got screwed out of her vacation by weather and illness, so I don't think she'll be very happy to be back. Also, I wish I hadn't agreed to let the poor sicky sleep and update her blog for her, because I have nothing to say about today's comic. I mean, hasn't this exact thing happened like 5 times already? Professor decides to break up with Bobbie because of some "moral convictions" he supposedly has; Bobbie asks him to go somewhere with her and tells him to say yes; due to some kind of mind control, he cannot refuse her command. Yawn. What's Tommie up to? (I never thought I'd ask that question).

Though I will say that Bobbie has unusually long arms in this strip. That's about it.

OK catch y'all when Maggie gets her make-up vacation, probably.

Tootle. Tinkle. Jingle?

I, like many A3G readers, have grown accustomed to the “tootle tootle” that’s supposed to signify a phone ringing. So much so that I barely batted and eyelash at the “tootle” in this strip, even though it’s coming from down below and my juvenile sense of humor would usually make me say “heh… tootle.” Now, it’s followed by a “tinkle” – so I can't as easily ignore it, and I really can’t help but say “heh… tootle tinkle.” But jingle? That just threw me for a loop. It sounds like a personal problem I don’t really want to speculate on.

Also, Professor + Bobbie sucking face = ew. I like how the Professor has absolutely no ability to resist Bobbie and her yellow hair and radiators and pill-popping adulterous habits and what appear from this angle to be either jowls or a double chin. You can do so much better, Professor. Why not set your sights on Ruby? Yes, she is a step up. Trust me. Especially once she goes on I Dressed in the Dark or whatever that's called.

NOOOOOOOO

Well GREAT. Just great you guys! I bet you're about to stroll over to the art gallery aren't you? I've only been waiting for this moment for weeks now, and now everything's going to culminate just when I have my vacation planned! I can just tell. Bobbie has gotten her hair yellowed for the occasion, and the Professor will be dressed like the Red Mask of Death.

Well, really, the action seems just as likely to culminate now as it did two weeks ago, or a month in the future, or back in December... but I just bet I miss it!

That's right, I'm going on vacation. If I can get a plane out of Newark in this weather, that is... I'm leaving you in my good friend Casey's capable hands. She is arguably funnier than me, and much less forgiving, so I can't wait to hear how she lays into these characters at this pivotal moment. If you feel so inclined, drop her a line in the comments. It always encourages me to see how funny my readers are, maybe it'll buck her up too!

CHEAP and WRONG.

Well what a relavent client Professor Doctor has here! Her raised eyebrow in the first panel makes me think she knows more than she's saying. Word's gotten out, I guess. It's too bad we didn't actually get to meet this character or watch this session of therapy, because I'm sure the Professor was thought-bubbling clever asides the entire time. "Been there, done that, Kate!" "At least I'm not alone... although I actually am!" "More immoral than you can even imagine!"

Shall We Dance?

Then tell me, Margo. If not a waltz, how should I dance into your life? Will it be a slinky tango, or an playful swing routine? Don't ask me to krump. And don't ask me end my loveless marriage.

Daughter, You Know It's True

"You said it, daughter! Gabriella and I have been talking left and right. Talking in a coffee shop, talking while setting up our love nest in her apartment, talking over soft music and candlelight. Look, I know I may be demanding and pushy, and my hair color may defy any notions of logic or good taste, but if there's one thing you can say about me, it's that I know how to offer people money. Also, all the bad things I just said about myself? They apply to you too. Now how about a hug? Or maybe you'd prefer a fifty dollar bill?"

Yeesh

For today's post, I'm just going to refer you to the poll at the upper-left hand side of the site. Which is more excruciating, getting through one of your own particularly trying meetings at work, or watching Margo try to get through this meeting with her dad?

My two cents: while I'm dying sitting through this, especially when we must be right on the cusp of Bobbiegate, Martin waving around his dollar bills elevate this a hair above my biweekly marketing catch-up meeting.

Right on the $$$

I swear "zip it" has come up in this strip before. It'd be really cool if this was Margo's signature kiss off line, like "sit on it" was for Fonzi, or "up your nose with a rubber hose" was for Vinnie Barbarino, or "zip it" was for Dr. Evil. Then A3G could really start selling some t-shirts. Maybe out of the Mills Gallery.

Da-AD!

Guh! There's nothing more embarrassing than when you parents decide to surprise you at work. My mom did a "drop in" at the office once. It's funny how much you revert to a high schooler (I remember I was excessively embarrassed that she was wearing a fur hat). For the most part though, parents are generally reasonable creatures, and know how to take a hint. But what kind of monster would deliberately torture their child like this? Margo looks like she's trying to light Martin's hair on fire with her mind.

And look at Jack, smiling all merrily. He's probably a future member of the I-Pretend-to-Like-Meetings-Just-So-I-Can-Chafe-My-Child's-Authority Club.

....that's the club Martin's in.

DAD?!?? We're in a Meeting Here.

Oh... Jack. What are you doing here? You're not going to make this surprise visit from Bobbie any more fun. Why don't you just... skidaddle. Go on! Get.

Actually, it's interesting to note that the last conversation Jack and Margo had (circa December 2, 2008) is probably pretty similar to the conversation they're having right now. The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh Margo? Chuckle chuckle!

Now where's that Bobbie?

The Set-Up

Oh my gosh. Don't tell me that Bobbie is going shopping for art. Art to cover the walls of her cheap, empty apartment. Art that's sure to be out of the price range of anyone working as a housekeeper. Art sold by a neutral, non-specific third party.

Doris, please don't try to stop Martin from hiding in the back room with Margo while Bobbie gets into position. The only way this could get better is if Margo is currently in a meeting with the Professor. And Gabriella is in the back cleaning the toilets. And when Bobbie stops by they all jump out wearing party hats and yell "SURPRISE!"

It Was Definitely Gabriella

Bobbie is actually looking quite young and stylish today. I never really thought the page boy haircut did much for her, but now that she's showing a little neck, I kind of like it, though the Adam's apple in the last panel makes her look a little like He-Man. And is that a purse or is she going out to shop with an old Polaroid camera?

Now, off to buy some more scarves and turtlenecks!

Shelley Winters is Bobbie Merrill!

It looks like my readers have a taste for the classics! With some stiff competition from Bette Davis (and almost none from Jane Seymour), Shelley Winters won the dubious honor of portraying Bobbie Merrill in her made-for-TV movie that is no doubt coming.

To commemorate this occasion, I popped Bobbie's head on Shelley Winters' body in her Golden Globe-nominated role of Charlotte Haze in Lolita. Martin and Gabriella of course fill the roles of Professor Humbert and Lolita, respectively.

Something to chew on, Bobbie.

Why Should I Care?

Also: he's probably not going to marry her while he's already legally married. So no worries until you get that special phone call! Now while we're here, how about a quick nip into the shower, turn on the water while you're fully clothed, sob uncontrollably, drink a third of a handle of vodka, and fall asleep for fourteen hours? Hmm? Doesn't that sound nice? Happy Valentine's Day, Bobbie!

The Pain and the Hate

If we're lucky, Bobbie walked in on Martin hanging out with Margo, not Gabriella. Because if she winds up confronting Margo, I think we all know how FREAKING AWESOME that would be. Especially if Bobbie brings up Margo's "ugly face." Hoo boy. Bobbie won't even know what hit'er. Margo will transform into a whirlwind of teeth and nails, and the only thing between her and a Mike Tyson-style ear-chewing will be that flimsy scarf.

It Can't Be?! But It Is!!

IT'S COMING. Just as Snowpocalypse has come upon the mid-Atlantic region, so will Bobbiepocalypse visit Martin and Gabriella. We can predict and prepare all we want, but this shit is still gonna go down. And if it hits while Bobbie is wearing that ridiculous head wrap, so much the better.

Gotta go shovel again!

Sunrise, Sunset

Bobbie Merrill is Golde

in

The Fiddler on the Roof

Not that I don't approve of accessorizing (as usual everyone is wearing hats in the background today), but who does Bobbie think is going to recognize her trolling around BelDel after dark? Seriously. But anyway, this is good! Bobbie is definitely pumping herself up for a confrontation. Only a matter of time, folks.

Bipolar Buyer's Remorse

Looks like the world's greatest radiators have lost their rusty charm. Who would've guessed that Bobbie would tire of her shabby chic apartment almost immediately?

Oh, everyone? Everyone would've guessed that? Well still, I probably would've predicted that sooner if I knew she was sleeping on a cot.

Now! Where should Bobbie go? Off to eat her feelings at Wardle's Cafeteria? Or maybe to CONFRONT MARTIN! Oh please oh please crash Gabriella's apartment while Martin is there. And Margo. I don't want Margo to miss this.

P.S. Shelley Winters? You guys really think? Hahaha! That's great.

Emmy Tears

Bobbie gives the performance of a lifetime today. Confusion, anger, frustration, defeat... it's all there. Does Bobbie really see her husband that infrequently that just watching him makes her cling to both sides of her head like that?

In any case, Bobbie is definitely sporting what appears to be a patented Jane Seymour Emmy tear in the last panel, thus named because whenever award season would roll around, the really hard-hitting episodes of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman would air, and old Jane would pull out all the stops, crying as gracefully or as hysterically as necessary. She never won that Emmy... though her hairstyling crew won a couple.

N... not that I know a lot about that show?

Look... everyone needs a hobby.

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP

Oh man! Way more important than Bobbie's trivial musings on the direction her husband is facing at the moment, my friend just texted me to say I got plugged by the Comics Curmudgeon! Not only that, but it turns out that I SCOOPED HIM! I scooped Josh Fruhlinger! Ahh! I'm awesome! No but really, thanks for plugging me Josh, I enjoy your blog very much and oh my god, this must be what it feels like to inject pure heroine into your system. Actually, it's probably not like that at all... not at all. Still, this is a high. Better than Bobbie's sleeping pills. Better than Alan's dope.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call my mom.

Umm...

Is Bobbie married... to Martin? Because... if she is... Margaret Schulock must've jumped inside of my head and plucked out my fondest wishes and is now making them come true.

Peeping Bobbie

Chuckle chuckle chuckle! That Bobbie sure can obsess, can't she? Turns out she bought this cute, radiator-littered apartment not as a love nest for her and the Professor, but so she can better spy on her no-good husband! When will she learn?

This can only culminate in an awesome scene where she tries to have a romantic dinner with the Professor and spy on her husband at the same time. Kind of like that time Superman tried to double date with Clark Kent in Superman IV: the Quest for Peace! ...kind of.

Phone Tag, Without the Tagging

Don't laugh at the Professor's giant-ass cellphone; I have a similar model (although it's less blue). It was only twenty bucks after rebate!

As for the plot... I feel like we're hurtling towards tragedy here. Bobbie was crazy enough before, but now that she's decided she has feelings for old Professor McMoralquibbles, anything could happen. Some options:

1. Bobbie obsesses over her future with the Professor, planning out their entire future, and when he finally rejects her, she throws herself out her apartment window and dies
2. in a desperate bid for the Professor's attention, Bobbie throws herself in front of another bus, only this time he isn't around to save her, so she gets hit and dies
   
3. Bobbie ups her dosages and sets herself on fire

Basically, I see this ending in death. Bobbie's death, of course! Me, I'm the kind of girl who roots for self-immolation, but any of these are appropriately over the top. Of course, Bobbie could also wind up retreating to a empty, hollow life with her current husband, but where's the drama in that?