Beer Tears

Well, Tommie, your wish is granted! A second bottle of wine. Allright, now we're having fun! Everyone's loosening up annnnnnnd now you're crying. "I'm going to miss Lu Ann so much! -sniff- She's like a sister to me and MY CAREER IS GOING DOWN THE TUBES and I hope you'll come back and visit and RICK-E ISN'T ATTRACTED TO ME, NO ONE IS and -sniff- what color bridesmaids dresses was Mrs. Linski thinking?"

Saturday Recap

Friday, October 28th

I want whatever drugs Margo got from Queen Bee. In the first panel, she is on cloud nine, walking up the street talking aloud, to herself about how happy she is. Then stupid Lu Ann walks right up to her and brings up what should be a sore subject, namely Lu Ann's lack of proper respect for and dedication to Art Without Rules, and Margo completely lets it slide/seems to have forgotten why she would have been so upset with Lu Ann.

Saturday, October 29th

Lu Ann, she's forgiven you, stop trying to goad her into attacking you. Just toss that salad and shut up! Can you watch it on the web? Does Apartment 3G even have a high speed internet connection? I bet they're working with dial up at best. Was Tommie just in that dark, adjacent room alone, drinking wine? "I'm so relieved that Hobo Dan has put me aside like a piece of discarded trash :::gulp::: I never wanted to be the star, the center of attention :::gulp gulp::: I just want to be Tommie the boring red headed nurse who isn't get married or a huge public relations success :::gulp gulp gulp::: Is this the only bottle of wine we have?"

Poor Trey

I'm not quite sure how I can follow the Spaghetti Song. I really think Maggie should record that for us all to hear. Come on, Mags.

Anyway, who's that guy Margo's talking to? Is that Rick? He gets around. Oh wait no, that's Trey. Remember Trey? I don't know when he last appeared, but I'd estimate it was probably like, July? I know it was before Margo's storyline took a detour from her "love" life and into Art Without Rules, and subsequently pretty much completely disappeared while Lu Ann's romance and Tommie's inevitably failed career took over (mostly the Lu Ann thing). So he's basically a double-reject from A3G. Oh, wait, make that triple-reject. Ouch, Margo. He just weaseled his way back into the plot, the least you could do is let him stick around for dinner.

Ambivalent

"Are you sure you want a career in song-writing, Tommie? Cause award-winning multi-millionaire producer Hobotramp Dan is getting a little impatient."
"I think I want to write songs, and yet--"
"Good enough for me! Gotta go, it's 5:00 somewhere."

For the record, Tommie, it's totally easy to write songs. I do it all the time, usually when driving or cooking. Check out this song I wrote last night, called "Makin' Spaghetti."

Ooh girl
I'm so hungry
Think it's time to do this thing
Gotta (bump bump) salt the water
Cause it's time, oh yeah,
Time to eat some food

Makin' (beat) SPAGHETTTTTIII
Cook it up good, now, come on!
Makin' (beat) SPA-GHE-TTIIIIIIIIIII
I should heat up some sauce too (yeah)
Now where'd I put that Prego (yeaahh)
Oh wait, it was growing mold and then I threw it ouuuut, ow

I mean, you put in the word "love" instead of "spaghetti" and that's R&B gold.

Oh, what a relief it is!

Whoa there, Rick! Keep your hands to yourself. You and Tommie can't date because you don't have the same exact hair color. However, he and Paul do go to the same stylist. Power outfit = blue blazer with a crisp white shirt, top button undone.

I guess we're excited that your poor vagabond aunt spent all that money on a fancy piano so that you could realize after two months that singing and performing is cutting in to saving children's lives?

Boys on the Stoop

Our long national nightmare is over; we are done hearing about Lu Ann's wedding. For now. And hey, look, it's Rick, AKA Rick-E from the Boys on the Block! The last time we saw him was back in April, and I just assumed, as I do with all Z-list celebrities I haven't seen in a while, that he had scampered off to rehab or joined Dancing with the Stars or something. But no, he's just kicking around New York City, being disappointed in Tommie. Nice hair by the way.

Meanwhile, Margo is (I'm guessing) spray painting midgits and setting Bibles on fire over in Chelsea, and this is going completely unrecorded. I guess documentation is only of the many Rules her Art exhibition is Without.

STILL MORE!

Well! I bet you thought we were all finished covering this fascinating convo. I can't get enough though!

Friday October 21, 2011

Paul thinks guest lists are easy. Ruby doesn't. Next.

Saturday October 22, 2011

Paul thought Lu Ann's parents knew about the wedding, but they don't. Paul is hurt, and Lu Ann looks cheery.

Everything Is Lu Ann's Fault

Yup, that's what marriage is Ruby. Duh. I hope you have a dowry ready, too.

The increasing likelihood that Lu Ann is going to dump Paul is sad to me in an admittedly morbid sense. I was hoping they'd find new and exciting ways to do away with the men in A3G. Oh, unless Ruby intervenes somehow, because Lu Ann is too weak to ever really dump him. Actually, she'd make the perfect trophy wife. She could be all done up like the Mona Lisa and everything. Won't you just let these two crazy kids be, Ruby??

Still Doing This!

False alarm, everybody! False alarm. No one interesting coming in to crash this boring party. Just Paul. Also, if you thought Lu Ann and Ruby would have any visible reaction to Even More Linski Control of the wedding plans, you'd be wrong. Although they seem to have slipped into sychronized catatonic states. Paul can still see you, you guys! It's too late to pretend you're not there!

Anyway, what is there left to plan at this point? Hasn't Mama L taken care of everything? Is Paul just swinging by to let them know, yes, he's called in a reservation at his parents' house, it's all booked, no one worry.

Who's There?

Zzzzzzz...:::knock at the door:: "What?!? Oh thanks be to heaven for having another character to interrupt this incredibly boring little plot line!" Seriously, we're missing Art Without Rules to watch these two not plan Lu Ann's wedding?!?!? Maybe no one is really knocking on the door, but the spray painters at Art Without Rules snuck into Ruby's office and painted a literal "knock knock" on her door, to symbolize modern life's media substitution for real human interaction.

More of This

Friday October 14, 2011
Saturday October 15, 2011
Monday October 17, 2011

FIRST OF ALL, let me just say that I'm dismayed that we are still talking with Ruby about this whole wedding thing instead of watching Queen Bee smirk at her hoards of followers as the Mona Lisa. Queen Bee! The Mona Lisa! Done up! Jeez.

Second, I just remembered that Ruby is Lu Ann's wedding planner, so I guess this makes more sense. Buuut, Ruby, shouldn't you know about Lu Ann's crappy parents? Since you're, um, related to her?

Expository Flashback Time!

He loves me, I love him, so I should totally give up all of my dreams, my friends, my career ambitions, and everything I know so that I can move with him to his parents' cult compound in Hoboken, right?

I am very excited for the potential of Ruby flashback here, but I have a feeling I'll be disappointed and she'll just yammer on a bit and we won't get to see her all young and in love, which I think would be amazing.

How to Succeed in New York Without Really Trying

"Succeed" in this case being a kind of loose term for what Lu Ann is doing in New York right now. I think her last (rather qualified) success was probably the Great Note Card Debacle of 2010. Since then, I... I just don't know what she's been doing. Brushing her hair, for sure, but besides that, I don't know. Oh wait, she's been curating. That's it. Success!

P.S. Did someone order Lu Ann's head on a platter? Cause that's what she's serving up in the first panel.

Important Wedding Meetings!

It took me a long time to think of what to write today, mostly because every time I close my eyes all I can see is a fuchsia haze. I'm also hoping that wasn't the only Queen Bee moment that we're going to have, because that was lame. Although it did spawn the new catchphrase "Done up like the Mona Lisa." Tell your friends and loved ones!

Oh good, Lu Ann is back on the Linski Kool-Aid. Nothing says you're making the right choice to marry someone like having to make awkward excuses and rationalizations to your friends and family.

Done Up Like the Mona Lisa!

Well, I think we have a candidate for best panel of the year! And when I say "best," I really mean "most capable of disappointing and delighting me at the same time." THIS is Queen Bee? This?? It's just Margo with her bun down! I mean, she's not even wearing star-shaped sunglasses or anything. And don't tell me that's because she's done up like the Mona Lisa; just because you part your hair down the middle and smirk doesn't mean you're done up like the Mona Lisa! The Mona Lisa doesn't wear magenta!

I know this isn't fair, but just for comparison's sake, let's put them side by side, shall we?
The smirk is actually pretty good. But she should've shaved off her eyebrows. By the way, I just found out that I LOVE saying "done up like the Mona Lisa." I love it! I encourage you all to find a way to slip this into everyday conversation today.

Art Without Rules... is Almost Here!

Hi everyone! Megan's probably not going to get out of bed today, on account of the Phillies mind-boggling lack of offense last night, so why don't I just take Friday as well?

Friday, October 7, 2011

Oh, it's Jo!! Remember Jo? No, not Joe of the Tazer Lady incident AKA Mean Joe Kelly, AKA "watch the jaw" Glass Joe. I mean Jo! ...Jo!! Guys? Remember? She uh... sheeee... well she's here now. I guess she's Queen Bee's agent? No need to introduce us, Margo. After all, there are no rules of etiquette!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

I'm creating a new tag called "off-panel excitement." I can't believe it hasn't occurred to me to create it earlier. The Piano, the deli meats, the arrest of Bobbi Bobbles... all handled off-panel. And just look at these guys today, spray-painting everything! Buildings, hot dogs, babies, nothing escapes their creative wrath! Just look at them! Or look at Jo pointing to them, isn't that just about as exciting? This way, to picture what they're doing, you can use your imagination, where everyone knows there are no rules!

Let Margo Be Margo

I think Lu Ann's face is melting from shock in the last panel. Don't worry, Lu Ann, Tommie's an idiot. That can't possibly be it - this is Margo we're talking about.

It's possible she'll miss taunting and harassing Lu Ann, but otherwise, there are some much more likely reasons for her acting out:

1. She's jealous since her fiance died. (I think pretty recently, right? Like probably yesterday in 3G time)
2. She's actually upset that Lu Ann is skirting her responsibilities and that no one cares about the work she's put into this event.
3. She's upset that she's lost her virgin sacrifice to her gods and now has to start all over again. (Wanted: blonde roommate, airheaded and naive)
4. She's Margo

Work/Life/Queen Bee Balance

At least one of us has her priorities straight: ZOMG, celebritiiiiiiies!!!!!!!!1! See you dopes later, I'll text you from the Boom Boom Room where I'll be sipping on Cristal with Queen Bee, Tiny Wayne, and London Tipton. Magee out!

I don't know who I side with on this one. It's entirely plausible Margo gave these girls zero notice and now expects them to just show up and wait on QB hand and foot, buuuuut.... if Queenie really is a celebrity on the level of Lady Gaga, I'd probably ditch work to hang out with her for a day, show her the cheapest places to buy a bottle of water, you know... hang.

Margo should've stipulated at least one rule of Art Without Rules: you have to show up.

Scrooged

I can't believe that Margo doesn't even question Lu Ann saying that she has meetings all day. At best, Lu Ann is a semi-professional artist. In reality, the odds on Lu Ann saying "I have meetings all day" are about as equal as her saying "I'm thinking about going to graduate school to study astrophysics."

I guess Lu Ann isn't mad at Paul any more for randomly buying up all of Hoboken? Pressing on with those very important wedding meetings! At least you brought out Margo's true, delightful colors: self-absorbed and haughtily disdainful.

Today's the Day, Ladies!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, you guys. It's time for Art Without Rules!! And... somehow Lu Ann is involved? I mean, I didn't even know that, and I'm fairly certain I keep better tabs on Lu Ann's life than she does. Well, you know the first rule about Art Without Rules: there are no rules! Which means you can assign your roommate to head up the event without telling her and then get mad when she doesn't come through. Yes, you can do that, and it's okay, because there are no rules! Ha! Isn't this great you guys? Tommie, I hope you didn't forget that Margo secretly expects you to cater the event... without rules!

Sunday Recap

Friday, September 3oth

"Quick, get the binoculars! They're right outside!" I'm surprised that the reason Poppa Linski is concerned about the relationship is that they're "so different." Really? I would have thought it would be that Paul is making major life decisions without consulting Lu Ann. Or that he has a mysterious source of income that allows him to be part of the landed gentry of Hoboken. Or that they barely know each other.

Saturday, October 1st"It's science, opposites attract!" Nothing could possibly go wrong spending the rest of your life with someone you have nothing in common with.I'll have to defer to Maggie for the full history of Lu Ann's family situation. I know she and her mother aren't close, but I don't know what her daddy issues are. "Stop your worrying, let's go get into our side by side bathtubs because I think we're running out of time for your current Cialis dose, Papa Bear"