Barely Breathing

Oh Margo I love you, oh Margo I'm crazy about you, Margo baby please be alive--HEY THERE'S THE EMT! (plop) Welp, she's in your hands now. I just remembered I'm starving, so I'm going out to get noodles. Let me know how things work out, byyyyyye!

As Flames Climb Higher

OH MY GOD SO MANY LEGS SO MANY LEGS

Seriously, A3G is showing an unprecedented amount of leg today. I'm thoroughly scandalized. I feel straight-up Victorian.

Still, I think all the legs might be an attempt to distract us from HEY I DON'T SEE ANY HIGH-CLIMBING FLAMES AT ALL! Just some weird horizontal floaty things that might resemble smoke if the colorists had used gray. Unfortunately, gray is exclusively specified for men's pants, shoes, and socks. And while I'm loving Margo's Hulk-inspired pajamas, didn't she fall asleep in her clothes? Wasn't Greg the one wearing pajamas? And what is that tiny little coffin doing in Margo's room?

It's almost Christmas, guys! Merrrrry Christmas!

Margo's Bedroom is Red Hot!

First things first, let's all wish our friend and co-blogger Casey a very happy birthday!  

I'm guessing that Greg hasn't had to complete any corporate mandated fire safety training lately.  If he had, he would have known to check the door with the back of his palm, as metal handles can become hot.  Hot enough to liquefy your bones and gnarl your fingers.  Also, why wouldn't you, oh i don't know, put that ax to good use and spend approximately three strips knocking this door in?

Cough Cough

Well this is just getting RIDIC. The apartment looks like a straight up fun house. I mean, there's blue smoke (of course it's blue), but there's also those yellow and white stripey things, which I assume is the smell of hotdog mustard and cotton candy wafting through the place?

And I bet Ari is still in the hallway dithering about the 911 thing. "I know you're worried, Greg, but doesn't calling the police seem a little hasty? We don't want to be brash. Let me just smell that smoke pouring out of the hole in their door. ...why, it smells of kettle corn! False alarm! Margo just started making popcorn and fell asleep again."

Swing, Swing

Really uncredited colorist?!?  You have orange at your disposal and you use it for Margo's walls when there are clearly flames?  How can I take this "fire" seriously when it looks like cotton candy?

I agree with Maggie that this probably isn't a fire, there's way too much build up.  We all know that anything that gets built up in the A3G verse only leads to bitter disappointment.  I only hope that Fire Marshall Greg uses this opportunity to improve his ax swinging technique.  And that if it is a fire that anyone bothers to check if Tommie has succumbed to smoke inhalation.

Where There's Smoke

"There's a FIRE on this floor, Ari! Call 911 while I take the FIRE ax!" "A FIRE? Are you sure? And do "My goodness, Greg, do you really think you need a FIRE ax?" "Where there's smoke, there's FIRE, Ari. Would you just call 911 already? I've got to take care of this FIRE!" At 3-G... "Oh my God, 3-G is on FIRE!"

I don't know, guys. This fire is getting super duper established, to the point where I'm getting suspicious. All we've seen is a some pink smoke and a little muppet hand sticking out of the door. I think we're being set up here for some kind of elaborate non-fire prank. Fireworks? Vinegar and baking soda volcano? Something disappointing.

Fire Ax!

Soooo... we're just going to forget about that whole calling 911 thing, I guess? That was pretty easily dismissed. No sprinklers, no 911. Ax time! Sweet!

Did the fire also burn off some of Ari's facial hair? Just wondering...

!!BAM!!

You know, for getting dressed hastily and stepping into the hallway, it sure looks like Greg's hanging out in his bedroom in his pajamas. But who care, MORE GREAT SOUND EFFECTS! My guess is that the sound effects are SO LOUD that they're blinding--you're natural instinct is to squeeze your eyes closed, and when you do, the back of your eyelids look like Pop Pop Pop !!BAM!!

Speaking of BAM!, who's excited for the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race? Starts Monday!

Things That Go Pop in the Night

 

When Greg's dreams of Margo are a rockin', don't come a knockin'.  Seriously, did Evan just detonate a bomb in Margo's apartment?  Things have escalated.  Wasn't he already kind of beating Margo by taking her clients away from her?  Was this necessary?  Greg has surprisingly good understanding of both auditory and physical stimuli for supposedly being asleep.  I've slept through fire alarms on two separate occasions, and one time I was convinced that the siren's wail was emanating from my tiny travel alarm clock, which I then attempted to stop by repeatedly smashing the snooze button.

Do you think Greg locked the door on his way out?  Is Margo going to succumb to pink smoke inhalation?  There's no way that was a bomb right?  RIGHT?!?  I TAKE BACK WANTING TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH TOMMIE, JUST TELL ME MARGO WILL LIVE TO EVISCERATE ANOTHER INNOCENT SOUL!

Dirty POP

Christmas has come to A3G! Maybe it's four weeks late, but it came with a gigantic POP, and it reeks of pink smoke, which has wafted its way into my heart. Wow. Here, the readers are invited to let our imaginations run wild as we use "POP" to fill in the gaps between Evan's perfectly geometrical green present and the monstrosity in the third panel. What could it be??

• Is the "POP" meant to convey "BOOM" and there was a tiny little explosion, lighting the box on fire?
• Maybe "POP" is the sound of the acid eating away at the final containing element, leaving it to eat through the closet, create a terrible smell, and turn the wrapping paper orange.
• OR maybe "POP" is the lid bursting off the tupperware container full of smelly old potato salad--best prank ever, Evan!

Anyway, we've got a panel of the year contender, for sure.

Blue Moon

Whoa there Miles Davis!  Tone down the brooding angst.  The real James Bond wouldn't get this mopey about a lady, so man up.  Didn't we have a storyline where Margo realizes she's not over Eric fairly recently?  The most interesting part of this storyline is whatever Evan hid in that box in the closet, and I'm pretty sure that will turn out to be waaay boring too.  I hate to say it, but I think we're about due for a Tommie update...

The Joke is On Me

Whuh oh! Looks like some one's fallen into Margo's man trap... and he's cursing angry about it. (that's a thing) Stay cool, Greg! What would James Bond do?

Sweet Dreams, Eric Darling

OH SMACKRELS! Margo's still hung up on Eric Mills? Eric Mills, of "the Mills Gallery" fame? Eric Mills has been out of the strip so long that he is before this blog's time (though you can check out a short history of his demise, as related by his Tibetan monk pals). I thought, what with her dalliances with Trey and Evan and Greg, that she was kind of past the whole Eric Mills thing, but I guess they were engaged and all, so he did leave a mark.

One thing I do admire about A3G is how it plays the long game. Like, remember how Ruby was all "ohhhh, Lu Ann, I missed you so much when you were in South Dakota!" and you're thinking to yourself "Really? Lu Ann? Her?" And then BAM, years later, turns out she's Lu Ann's mom. It makes that whole tearful wedding dress shopping thing make sense too!

P.S. Lu Ann still has dibs on the longest-burning torch, for her deceased fighter pilot husband, Gary. According to A3G history, he disappeared in Vietnam/Afghanistan/Iraq seven years ago.

Sing Me a Lullaby

Another landmark moment in the Sexy History of Apartment 3-G: I definitely don't think anyone has ever said the word "undress" before. Ohh, it's high ribaldry at its best! Un...until Margo fell asleep in her clothes, I mean. To be fair, her clothes could pass for pajamas. Her shirt, at least. Her pants.... a total mystery.

So, man, is that it?? Perhaps this is the part where Greg hears a quiet "tick-tick-tick-tick" coming from the closet.

I Think We're Alone Now

Why am I not surprised that Margo got the best bedroom in the whole apartment?  It's the same reason that I wouldn't be surprised if Tommie sleeps in a broom closet outfitted with a Murphy bed and pays the largest portion of the rent.  Because Margo is well versed in the dark arts and inspires fear in the hearts of those nearest to her.  I hope that Margo has good health insurance/a good orthopaedist because she's going to have a major rotator cuff injury from that last panel.

I'll bet that the man in the yellow raincoat is just waiting until the moment that Margo and Greg tumble drunkenly onto the creamsicle duvet.  But I hope we at least get a sloppy kiss, specifically one of the ones with sound effects and a halo of glorious light.  (See Lu Ann and Paul Linski for reference)

Whoa, Big Boy!

Oh my god. This is hands down the most scandalous A3G in the history of the world. Greg just said he wanted to get Margo in bed (while she's still upright? upright in bed? what?) and then they even DREW A PICTURE OF A BED. A total first. We have never--NEVER, mark my words--seen man, woman, and bed together in this strip. Ok, maybe in the 80's or something, but really, never. Wow.

AND THEN MARGO CALLS GREG "BIG BOY??!" Margo Magee is: Drunk Uncle. I mean yike, Margo, between the weird hand gestures and the 1930's-style catcalling, I don't know what to do with you right now!

Can this scene go on all week? Can it go on all year?? Can it go on.... forever?

What Am I Going to Do With You?

So that's how Evan was able to sneak into Margo's apartment.  This is going one of two ways.  The first is that Evan is still lurking in his yellow rain slicker and Greg will finally reveal Evan's deception.  The second is that Greg and Margo's romantic evening will be thwarted by running in to Tommie who regales them with the 17 babies she brought into the world on her shift at the hospital.  Although Greg doesn't really look all that happy about the prospect of intimate times with Margo by the in the last panel.

Just a Little Tipsy

Well this makeout party totally fell apart. What the heck are they doing on opposite sides of the room? I guess they got so drunk that they surpassed the "Wow, you're more attractive that I thought, let's make out" level of intoxication and went straight to "Here, you sit down in this warm, comfy chair and shut your eyes while I go play Halo in the other room." Greg's back to check on Margo because he just got schooled by some 13-year old with the user name "DrNo0B."

Yay Church Bells!

It's good to see that they've moved on from wine to, apparently, straight vodka? Hooray, church bells, let's get smashed!

(On a personal note, as an opponent of drinking games that make drinking into a punishment, and a longtime fan of drinking games that let you use pretty much any excuse to drink, I approve this Christmas drinking game. I only hope this is just a glimpse of the full game. Drink when church bells ring! Drink when you hear a Christmas carol! Drink when someone on Fox News mentions anything about the War on Christmas! ... no wonder they ran out of wine. Margo, are you sure that's not rubbing alcohol you're drinking? Why is your hand shaking like that?)

Well, anyway, Merry Christmas still, apparently. How long do you think Christmas will last in A3G world?

Change of Heart

I had to go back in the archives to see if Margo and the Professor ever talked about Greg. It turns out: kind of? They just all went out to lunch together and Margo was kind of huffy about it. But I think she was just mad because the Professor was like, "Oh, you two are in Margo's office alone? You must be dating!" and "Whoa, Greg is part Greek? He must be awesome!" and "Margo, don't you have time for a 4-hour lunch? Oh that's right, you 'work.' That's so cute!" Which.... which it kind of is, the way she works. It's kind of cute.

Speaking of work, how's that 6-day break going, Lu Ann? Did it ever end? Weird how apartments just kind of pay for themselves in Manhattan!

Holiday Cheer

Welp, I guess NO ONE locks their door in this apartment building, because apparently any old boozy Santa Claus can just sidle up to your apartment weeks after Christmas and let himself in.

No Apology Needed

Margo's right. There's no way Evan would know, unless he was sneaking around the apartment building. After all, it's not like Margo is totally transparent about every emotion she's having at any given moment. No, I'm more worried for Greg. Clearly the kiss of the leech woman is already taking its toll in panel two. I'd say "run while you can," but we all know there's no escape.

Little Yellow Riding Hood

Thursday, January 3rd

Bless her sweet little heart!  Now a creepy Gorton's fisherman can leave her a graph paper wrapped box that probably contains something equally creepy.  A victory for lax personal security!

Friday, January 4th 

Seriously Evan, you've been inside for at least ten minutes.  You can put the hood down.  Would Margo spend the night at Greg's place?   Has that ever happened in the history of this strip?  And how would it ruin your surprise?  Isn't there an equally likely possibility that she won't open her closet tonight or be too tired to open your box?  The last panel is classic.  Who wouldn't be crazy about a guy in a mustard parka who leaves creepy gifts in your apartment when you're not there.

Saturday, January 5th

I've always been preternaturally gifted at following the instructions on the back of the Swiss Miss box.  In other news it looks like there was a two for one deal on his and hers mustard outerwear.  Margo, isn't your spider sense warning you of Greg's creepy behavior across the hall?

Evan Grabs the Package

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

This is so weird and bizarre I don't even know where to start, but I have to bring up Evan's fashion choices again. If Evan's trying to go incognito, why would he choose to go all in yellow? It's memorable, it's conspicuous, AND it's his signature color. Then again, someone who's willing to break and enter an apartment when he knows the resident is RIGHT IN THE BUILDING and doesn't know the roommate situation DID YOU EVEN KNOCK MAN just to put some petty spite present in just the right place... probably isn't exuding common sense.

Shout out to blogger Megan, happy birthday!! Wow everyone, can you believe she's XX years old today?