Tommie's Rebirth

I'm no Psychic Laura, but I predict this Tommie storyline boils down to the struggle between her burgeoning music career and the demands of her new nursing-midwifery for Nurse Ratchet. Can she have it all? Is Margo really not doing something better that we could be following?

On a side note, I hope that by "practice" Nurse Ratchet means that she'll be working closely with an experienced nurse-midwife to gain the critical skills that she'll need to one day, with proper training, work as a solo nurse-midwife. I hope Nurse Ratchet isn't so masochistic as to throw Tommie into a room with a birthing mother and say "It's just like baseball, just watch the ball into your glove."

Baaack to Tommie

Whoa there, Nurse Rachet. Tommie's got places to go, hobos to see. Why don't you fold up your old timey nurse's hat and stow it. Tommie's got no time for the jibber jabber!

Sunday Quickie

I was reading the comments from yesterday's post, and Captain Stubing mentioned something about Margo and Tommie waving goodbye using hankies? I thought he must be exaggerating, but I checked it out and HE TOTALLY WASN'T:

Ha ha ha, soooo awesome!! I can just imagine Lu Ann and Ruby, embarrassed, piling into a cab as quickly as possible. Or, as the Captain suggested, piling onto the Pacific Princess.

In honor of Casey's birthday, which is today, I've also prepared this alternate panel, which I think better explains what's really going on:

That's a Wrap!

Well, that ties up that storyline. Psychic makes a prediction, the first red herring is introduced in the form of a blonde, bland piano mover from Hoboken. Not content with a single herring, the tight knit Linski clan/cult appear hinting at Lu Ann's true need, the love of a family. Meanwhile, we've wasted a good five months fishing for herring. Then out of left field comes Ruby as Lu Ann's birth mother and the prophesy is fulfilled! Even Margo is a believer. I hope Psychic Laura uses this as a testimonial on her brochure.

All Good in the Hood

I know this whole time we've been going with the "Tommie is boring so she probably had a pretty normal upbringing" theory (even though dear old Aunt Iris kept bringing up how drab and dull her sister's life is). Now, picking up cues from Tommie's body language, I can only guess that down the road, we'll be in for another tragic tale of unhappy childhood. So let's see...

Margo had an unhappy childhood, in which her poor immigrant birth mother gave her up to Margo's biological father and his wife crazy ol' Bobbie. Bobbie didn't like Margo much, but she grew up rich and entitled and wound up having a pretty good relationship with both her birth parents. Misery rating: one bowl of gruel

Lu Ann had an unhappy childhood, in which her poor teenage birth mother gave her up to Lu Ann's biological uncle and his wife, crazy ol' Vera. Vera didn't like Lu Ann much, plus there was crazy ol' Craggleface to contend with, but she wound up escaping and having a great relationship with her birth mother (TBD on father figure). Misery rating: two bowls of gruel

Based on this information, I predict Tommie's unhappy childhood will divulge itself along these lines:

Tommie had an unhappy childhood, in which she awakened from a pod-like capsule fully grown, naked, and covered in slick, gelatinous membranes. Fleeing the corn field which hosted her birth sac, she went from house to house, knocking on the door and asking "Will you be my mother?" Eventually Mrs. Tommie let her in, washed off her birth goo, and went to work making her as dull as possible. Frocks buttoned to the top button. Dinners of chicken broth and raw potatoes. Tommie always complied, not knowing any better, without even religious fanaticism or video games to distract her. Eventually Tommie went to New York, and her mom visited once. Misery rating: four fluid-filled birth sacs

Mothers and Daughters

Yup, moms make everything better. Which is why, though I'm going to confront the woman who acted as my mother for years and made my life miserable, I'm not nervous at all.

Now, you might say "Oh, but it's different with your real mother. And Ruby is so sweet with her bows and the fungus growing from her head..." But let's remember, this is the woman who pretended to be Lu Ann's cousin for who knows how long (no, seriously, I have no concept of the timeline of this strip. It could potentially only have been 5 days ago that Ruby arrived) and grew close to her, never revealing her identity until she was forced to. Even though she was a fully grown adult and shouldn't be afraid of being sent off to a girls' home again. She's no prize either. And I give it about 4 strips before Lu Ann is whining, "But, Mooooom, I don't WANT to wear the pink bows in my hair. You're the worst real mom ever!"

South Dakota Souveniers

EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING: I am linking to a picture of an actual Meadow Muffin. Here it is. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rovingmagpie/3365730934

Mmm, sounds delicious, or like Margo will destroy you if you bring her back cow dung in a box. Meanwhile Tommie is simply delighted with this witty repartee! The dotted line around her giggle implies that Tommie knows better than to laugh outright at Margo, or she's in for a beating.

So right, looks like I was all wrong about Margo going on a wacky road trip with Lu Ann and Ruby. Seriously, why would you get my hopes up with a line like, "Here's our travel agenda, Margo!" I mean, come on. That'd be like Hobotramp Dan telling Tommie "We just made Billboard's Showtunes Top 40!" when he's actually talking about a hit single by Audra McDonald, who's sitting patiently in the other room.

Final note: Ruby's bows are no longer even bow-shaped. They're like little drink umbrellas, or sea anemone. Do you think she's wearing them for comfort (long day of travel) or to impress?

A Spoonful of Sugar

"I mean they were only my family for insert appropriate A3G years here years, but I really don't know how they're going to react." Um, based on their reaction to your "happy news," I'm guessing they're probably going to have some complaints. Although, to defend Lu Ann's ignorance, I bet Janey has a really good poker face. It's hard to read those deep crevasses.

How is Lu Ann going to make this easier? Alcohol? Bribery? Cheerful yet inspirational squiggle art? I hope Ruby packs her strongest hair bows, because things could get messy out there on the ranch...

Road Trip!

Hmm? What now? Margo is involved in a trip to South Dakota? Does this sound believable to anyone? No, of course not, but what it does sound, is awesome. Oh my gosh. I hope we spend a lot of time with them on the car ride from Minneapolis to Nowheresville, in which Margo commandeers control of the radio while also demanding to ride in the backseat.

Couldn't Have Been Easy

I like how Lu Ann immediately jetisoned the titles of "mom" and "dad" and now refers to her adopted parents by their first names. Cause they don't own her anymore. I guess it wasn't easy for Vera, based on the feeling I have that she doesn't like Lu Ann all that much, but think of how tough it must've been for Craggleface Janey! It must've been like when Marilyn showed up at the Munsters' house... except in a world where the Munsters realize they're horrible freaks, and Eddie is a girl, and has to pretend Lily is her sister. Um, remember The Munsters, guys?

Girls' Homes Have Cooties

Aw, it almost breaks my cold heart. Lu Ann all doe-eyed, Ruby all.... well, I guess that's a tear coming from her eye. Oh my gosh reunion tiiiiimee! Or, perhaps, time for lots of exposition about how sad Lu Ann is not to have known her father, before he succumbed to the curse of the A3G male, and how this must be the cause of her problems with men. That, or we're about to be reintroduced to Mr. Kevin Linski.

And they called it... Puppy Love

Now, I've never found out that I was adopted before, but wouldn't this be like, one of the first things to come up? Otherwise, how do you tell the "whole story?" "Well, I was 15.... then you came out of my stomach.... and I had to give you up! And THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY." P.S. When I think of puppy love, I think of Donny Osmond, not pregnant teenagers. Hey, remember when kids at school would ask you if you were PT? Fun times!

Boooooooring

UGH! I seriously can't believe how lame this whole un-sordid affair has become. The only thing interesting about this strip is the levitating teacup in the first panel. Your adopted mother moves in, pretending to be your cousin, lets you think your horrible craggle-faced relatives are your true kin, and you're not even a little bit miffed? You say you're relieved, why don't you tell your face how you're feeling? SHOW SOME TRUE EMOTION!

The Lost Years

Ruby, where are you trying to sneak off to? "I know you have questions and all, and we'll totally get to those! Unless you want to call it a night? You know, get some shut eye, mull over the sparse facts you already have, really soak it all in before we get down to business! Oh how I wish we could have the lost years back. Anywho, I have to nip into the kitchen for just a little bit. Why don't you put on a Lifetime movie while I check out the fire escape--just to make sure it's still working and all! Okie dokie, we'll hug when I get back. Toodles!"

So Many Questions

Would darkness fall on 3-G if it is still light inside? Wouldn't it be better said that "darkness fell on 3-G?" Maggie, you're the grammar maven, let me know which works better.

I, for one, was hoping for more details. Who's Lu Ann's father? How did Ruby find herself a knocked up, presumably unwed, fifteen year old girl on the South Dakotan prairie? Am I correct that South Dakota has prairies? Can someone draw me a family tree?

How many sick and injured children has Tommie saved since last we saw her. And how many of those children were poisoned or run over by Margo?

Ruby Breaks Down

Wow. For a break down, this is rather mellow. Just one stubborn tear and a couple mechanical sob...s, not even meritted by a speech bubble. I expected more, especially for Ruby! You know, like real, flat-out bawling. Snorting, choking sobs, directed into her own open (but clenched) hands. Howls of pain and remorse. Weird high-pitched whines. Maybe a brief intermission where Ruby goes into a frenzy and tears down the drapes. Then, back to the uncontrollable tears and congested, barely audible whispers of "I'm sorry Lu Ann I'm so sorry"

Or at least some bobbling!

Yes Lu Ann, It's True!

Well, I guess this is the hysterical, tear-rending reaction Maggie was talking about? Ruby's single tear, followed by Mim's contrite single tear... and then Lu Ann's calm "OK plot device, you've done your work, see you in a few years"?

I gotta say, Ruby gave in really fast there. No one ever tell Ruby a secret. Especially not a state secret. Can you imagine how fast she'd cave under the threat of waterboarding?

Family Scandal

I feel like my co-bloggers and I are playing hot potato with this storyline, just waiting for someone to have some kind of hysterical, tear-rending reaction. Which I guess will not be happening today, I'm safe! Mim continues to spill more and more beans, almost gleefully at this point, and Ruby's listening like, "Huh, is that right? I thought I heard about something like that. Since it involves my own uterus and all." And THEN Mim has the nerve to be like, "Whoopsy daisy! Did I say something wrong? Deny it, Ruby, deny it all, I DARE YOU"

Ruby Tuesday

This is so awkwardly contrived. Mim comes out of the woodwork to drop a bombshell and next week she'll be like "Look at the time! I'm going to miss the premiere of Cajun Pawn Stars, gotta run, love you Aunt Lu Ann and Great Aunt Ruby!"

It does amuse me to think of Ruby as a fifteen year old teen mother. The bows keep in all of her secrets.

Speak of the Ruby

Speak of the Ruby... and she shall appear. Wearing straight up pin cushions on her head. Wait, so they're ALL adopted?? Is the Wright family so effed up that they have to adopt good children to make their family photos look halfway-normal and non-cragglefaced? And I do mean halfway-normal. Look at these gals. It's like they're part of some cult/convent that forbids women to ever, under any circumstances, show their clavicle.

Oh Gosh, No!

I love what Mim has going on in the first panel. She's being all coy, but she's about to let a huge cat out of the bag. And not just an ordinary house cat, it's a straight up jungle panther about to BLOW LU ANN'S MIND! You just have to get Lu Ann's mind warmed up first. It's just like my old desktop computer. It took at least three minutes to start and then once it got up and running you couldn't go to websites with too much information or it froze and you had to CTRL+ALT+delete that piece. But it had a really pretty desktop background!

RUBY?!? Really?!? But Lu Ann doesn't like to wear bows in her hair!

The Whole Story

Oh my goodnes. Ohhhhh my goodness. Are we going to find out Lu Ann is adopted?? Are we?? Are we are we are we?? (I thought I predicted this a while ago, but apparently Ken did, not me. Bonus points to Ken!) Otherwise, this is a pretty weird, convoluted backstory to plop on us. Like, who the heck is Dr. Howard? Is Janey Mim's birth mother or Dr. Howard's wife? And who cares?

Mim telling Lu Ann she's adopted would have the added benefit of Lu Ann equally shocking Mim by telling her she's adopted today. I predict Saturday's strip will play out like this:

First Panel
Mim: No, I meant that you're adopted!!
Lu Ann: (bobbles violently) Huh??!

Second Panel
Both: Wait, I'm adopted?? (more bobbling)

Third panel
Both: (faint, heels up in the air)
Hilarious sound effect: BOOM

Mim's Mom

Score, she is Janey's daughter!

Comment on Janey #1: I think you always know which Janey is going to show up. The hideous, craggleface one. (Shout out to Megan)

Comment on Janey #2: "She literally couldn't have been nicer. I mean, she called me a whore and said my daughter was the anti-Christ, but she did say good morning, so I think that's just about her capacity for human kindness."

Comment on Janey #3: Someone mated with that thing???

More on Mim

Megan, those are excellent theories of the existence of Mim. Here's what I actually know about her. She is Lu Ann's niece who, back in 2005, showed up to Apartment 3-G as a PREGNANT TEEN! Annnd then she had the baby (Lili, I guess?) and left. It was kind of more exciting that that to hear Josh tell it, you can read his recap on the Comics Curmudgeon page here: http://joshreads.com/?p=12147 (scroll down)

Anyway, what this means is that

1. Mim could be Craggleface Janey's daughter!


2. Mim is def younger than Lu Ann (child-raising ages a woman)


3. Lili is approaching seven years old, so they're going slow and steady putting her in daycare. No need to rush these things! Either that or, you know, the A3G Time Warp. I guessssssss... that's more likely.

The Emancipation of Mim

Whoa there, Sandy Koufax! That is a curve ball. Who thought we were going to get a storyline about Lu Ann's family? I hope her hag sister comes back! I'll be this "Mim" is hag sister's daughter! I mean obviously Janey was much, much, much older than Lu Ann, so it would make sense that Lu Ann would be an aunt to a woman who:

A) appears to be the exact same age and...
B) looks just like Aunt Iris without glasses/wrinkle lines.

But seriously, what the hell kind of name is Mim? Is it a typo? Should it be Mimi? After 40 years, are they just out of names for characters? It would figure that Lu Ann's horrible family would give one of their own a terrible half-name like Mim. I'll bet old craggleface came up with that one herself. Blogger doesn't want craggleface to be a word, but I'm coining it!

Fresh Start in the New Year

Well. I guess we're officially never going to see Paul Linski and the Linskettes ever again. Lu Ann may have no regrets, but I will really miss ragging on Paul and his overbearing family. I think all the 3G are single at this point, which means... time for a LAAAAAAAAADIES' NIIIIIIIIIGHT~! Am I right?

Ho-Ho-Hobotramp

Monday's strip coming soon (running late!), but in the meantime, enjoy this photoshopped masterpiece I made but never posted back in Hobotramp Dan's heyday. I think I was saving it for Christmas because Santa Claus is in it, but then of course it has nothing to do with the holidays at all.

That's What Friends Are For

Happy New Year to all of our loyal readers! We took a few days off to spend with friends and family, but 2012 is here and we're ready to spend another year (or until the Mayan apocalypse) with the Margo, Tommie and Lu Ann. I predict we'll maybe get through four storylines all year.

Friday, December 30th

Is Queen Bee coming? Because I don't really want to get bogged down in that storyline if we're going to get cheated out of more Queen Bee. This strip is great for so many reasons. Margo's narcissism is pitch perfect. If you really hate being immodest then you wouldn't say things like "I'm amazing!" Maybe we can all learn from Margo's self confidence. Also, Lu Ann has the perfect look of panic in the last panel. Like she was secretly hoping that Margo and Tommie would forget about her news, but Margo puts her right on the spot. You can see her holding back her worry bobble.

Saturday, December 31st

Atta girl, Lu Ann, just tear it right off like a Band Aid. Didn't Tommie like Paul? Did she even meet him? Tommie and Lu Ann really did not want to go to/be in this wedding. So that's the final nail in the coffin I believe, everyone can mail back the blenders the bought as gifts. What do you think that we'll follow next: Tommie's new 8-track album or Margo's star-studded opening?