Baby Needs

I didn't really expect Lu Ann to be a bastion of sensibility, but I just can't believe everyone's on board with this. How big is this Manhattan apartment??

Okay, so everyone, even Margo, says: sounds good, let's keep a frickin deer in the apartment! Fine. So what's the best case scenario here? I can't imagine a storyline that doesn't involve several of the following

• ruined furniture
• ruined car upholstry
• ticks
• diseases
• disapproving vets
• spectacular deer-related credit card bills
• major tears
• an expository local news story
• the police
• deer tazing
• deer death

Made to Be Broken

You guys, this is like, so depressing. Margo is putting up no fight! Against the rules? What about just general cleanliness and safety...? Even Tommie seems dumbfounded that this weak argument swayed Margo. One can only hope that this is part of an elaborate plan to put Tommie in her place. Margo will go on a rule-breaking spree that Tommie could never even imagine, all designed to show her that Margo is the one who breaks the rules around here! No one else! That's the #1 rule. So Tommie, enjoy naked Margo smoking all day in the apartment, eating food that is clearly labeled "TOMMIE" from the fridge, drinking that wine you were saving for a special occasion, never changing the toilet paper roll, and leaving her dishes for you to clean. Wait, that's probably already how things go at 3G. Well, Margo will figure something out.

Didn't Have a Choice

Hmm. That awkward moment when your roommate realizes you actually brought home a dingo. I can only guess that "we're in trouble now" is the last thing sane, composed Margo Magee can say before a Hulk-like rage washes over her and she becomes Mar-Goh the Destroyer. Hope that little fawn is a sacrifice, Tommie!

P.S. Happy birthday to blog co-writer Casey! Yes she is an Aquarius, which means she's brilliant, eclectic, and sort of pushy. We love you, Casey!

Innocent Slumbers

Oh man...I can't wait for Tommie to tell Margo that she has to whisper because she's harboring an orphaned deer in a Manhattan apartment who ostensibly hasn't eaten or gone to the bathroom in over 4 hours/however long it has taken Tommie to grow a full pageboy haircut.  It will be glorious!

Because I'm dedicated to this blog, I spent a full two minutes on Google looking at the search results for "how to care for an orphaned fawn."  I learned this much.  Fawns are often mistaken for orphans because their moms are super busy and leave them by themselves almost the whole day.  And if you're reasonably sure that the mother has died, you should contact a licensed wildlife rehabilitator.   The more you know...:::shooting star rainbow:::

Maaa!

Okay, this is getting downright preposterous. Tommie! Deer belong outside, not in a friggin Manhattan apartment! Jeez, don't you get anything?? I can't think of a less probable way to handle this situation. How did she even have the impulse to pick this thing up? It's a deer. A deer! That's like picking up a bald eagle. I mean, at most, I would try to pick it up like a cat, and then one of the hooves would touch me and I'd just drop it.

But anyway! I guess... she's going to take it to some kind of hunky vet or something? What other possible outcome could there be? I hope the vet straight up scolds her for driving a deer into New York City. It's like introducing a giant cockroach to the city.

Doe, A Deer

"Oh look at you tiny...jackal?...er...emaciated stray dog?"  

So did Tommie kill Bambi's mother?  I thought she was parked, but then she was moving?  The causation was very unclear.  Regardless, she should load that little deer in the back of the Packard and take her home to 3G.  Then LuAnn and the fawn can take turns seeing whose "confused and bewildered" face is more believable.

Also, I can no longer predict where this storyline is going with any confidence.  Maybe she'll take the fawn to live on Lord Walthingham Moneyton's estate, where it will live happily every after romping in the heather?

Side of the Road

Well, I'll give this much credit to "the story of how Tommie wore pajamas to her mother's wedding, parked in some random place to wait out 'the rain' that stopped instantly, and used a flashlight that looks like a gas pump to find a dead deer carpet in someone backyard": I really didn't see it coming. Is she... still in Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh, man! Those deer.

CRASH!!!

Ugh, Tommie WOULD wait for the rain to let up.

And look, it's not that I'm upset that the wedding is over—weddings are hands down the worst and most boring of the soap opera tropes—but like, that's it?? We didn't even get a chance to get to know Conman Elroy, and now they're going on ANOTHER trip? Tommie's mom must have a very understanding employer to let her take another vacation like this. That's Pittsburgh for ya, I guess. City of Steel. City of Bridges. City of Unlimited PTO.

So anyway, that's over! Where are we now that Tommie decided to park? And how did I just now notice that Tomimie borrowed Lu Ann's favorite pink polo for HER MOTHER'S WEDDING??

That Was A Quick Wedding

Am I the only one who's thinking that it's odd that Tommie's mother calls her Tommie?  I mean ostensibly she was involved in choosing her daughter's first name, so she should be partial to her own choice.  Technically, we could call her Tommie, because they have the same last name (or they did until Mackleroy and his silly last name got involved).

And Tommie just jinxed herself.  "Participate in a traditional ritual determination of the next woman to marry?  No need!  Nothing could possibly prevent Viscount Hufflepuff-Wimpleton and I from our troth!"

In Spite

Holy cow, who knew things could move so fast in Apartment 3-G? The priest doesn't even have time to catch up with what's going on! "Uh guys, I usually like to kick things off with a prayer... guys. It can be a short prayer! I uh... -sigh- no that's fine, I'll just... grab a pew and... sit this one out. You two just... marry yourselves, I guess. By the authority vested in me, I now pronounce myself OVER IT. You may do whatever."

And who knew Marty's mom had such tude? She's exhibiting Marty-like levels of tude right here. You go, pink doily wedding dress lady.

CORRECTION: That's Tommie's mom, of course, not Marty's. Thanks, Stickler; I write faster than I think.

No More Regrets!

Maybe I should have dubbed 2014 the "Year of the Extra Tall Turtleneck."    You really want that baby touching the hairline at nape of your neck and knocking on the door of your chin.  Turns out those revealing tops were their pajamas.  They save the skin for the boudoir.

How is Tommie, who hasn't shown up at work in six months, and who immediately upon her return left AGAIN for a long weekend in Pittsburgh the head of the nursing team?  Is it a ceremonial title?

Tommie Unwinds

Now this is funny, I've read this about Tommies before, how their hair fluffs up when they're happy and contracts in times of sadness or fear. Notice how this Tommie's hair has a mushroom-like fullness to it in the first panel. Also, notice how both women are dressed like amateur sleuths.

Heartbreaking

Romantic... or sinister? Seems like Tommie and her mother might be falling for a gender-reversed scheme straight out of the beloved Sigourney Weaver/Jennifer Love Hewitt vehicle Heartbreakers.

The question is, do they have any money? Especially Tommie? Maybe these are very inept con men... Or they assumed that anyone who had the means to traipse around Europe for months on end (could have been days, who really knows) would be a good mark. Get out while you can, boys. Not. worth. the. trouble.

Regardless, even if Tommie is the Jason Lee-type character in this situation, I think we can all agree that there will be no happy ending here.

Pittsburgh

Okay, I'm having some problems uploading images to blogger, so this is a special edition of LLA3G where we use our imagination. Let's see what Margo and Tommie are doing in the Land of Make Believe! (or you can always find the original strip at the Washington Post or Cleveland.com.)


First panel: Tommie's all like, "I'm off to Pittsburgh, see ya!" and Margo's like "How's long will you be gone?" probably because she JUST got her housekeeper back and she's already leaving?! Also, sorry, but what's in Pittsburgh? Tommie's mother's house? Some airport English people prefer? Mario Lemieux?

Second panel: Tommie says she'll be home in four days, but she can't wait to be back in 3-G "at least for a little while more." HA HA HA oh Tommie, don't you know no one ever escapes? Your only hope is that Lord Alfred Wellsley Bloodpuddington moves in with you. And Margo wouldn't want that.

P.S. Margo buttoned her shirt up to the chin and Tommie is totally wearing a new outfit (a turtleneck-blazer combo) because you guys OBVIOUSLY made them feel uncomfortable, WAY TO GO. The Year of the Exposed Collarbone is over already.  8[

Secret message: "Am I dating myself with a Mario Lemieux reference?"

Driving Miss Tommie

I'm declaring 2014 "The Year of the Exposed Collarbone" on A3G.  It's happening!

Now, commence with a week of Tommie and her mom in the plaid interior of a luxury vehicle.

Long Drive

FIRST OF ALL that's all the hair Margo's got? How does she keep that in a bun? By sheer force of will? Ok, I buy it, but only because it's Margo. SECOND OF ALL you can't drive to England, Tommie, no matter what kind of car you have. I know you New Yorkers don't really get how driving works, but come on. That is a Lu Ann-level rookie mistake.

Well-Adjusted

Her?  I think it's a bit hasty to call Tommie well-adjusted.  We haven't even gotten our first inkling of how this trans-Atlantic love affair will fall apart.  I'll bet it's because Tommie returns to her job at the hospital and befriends a a terminally ill orphan.  When Sir James decides that it is time for the wedding and for Tommie to hop across the pond, she'll choose her career.  And Margo and Lu Ann will secretly rejoice.  Anyone else have any ideas?

Crazy-Death-Wish Alan

One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I started this blog after the Saga of Crazy-Death-Wish Alan. Crazy-Death-Wish Alan, or CDWA, was a big inspiration for me to start this blog, and his death, at the hands of Crazy-Dope-Fiend Ray (CDFR) reminded me that life is too short! There's no time like the present. CDWA taught me a lot, Lu Ann. He taught us all a lot.

Paul Linksi on the other hand.... I'm just glad they have the good sense to recognize he was "damaged." I mean, in the scheme of things he was pretty normalish, except for his ever-multiplying Brady-like family.

Choke

I don't know about you, but I totally thought Lu Ann was mocking the Professor's souvlaki at first. I thought "gag" would be more appropriate than "choke," but then again there are any number of ways to indicate crying more clearly than "choke," too.

But in reality, Lu Ann is crying because souvlaki was Cole's favorite. Or was it Peter's? Or maybe Gary's? Oh who knows, the point is Lu Ann is sad because she has no man in her life! And Margo is loving every second of it.

Sweet Dreams

So, do you think Tommie is waving a little doll arm in the first panel, or did she plant a clone embryo directly into Lu Ann's body before her trip and it's just now starting to emerge, fully grown? I could go either way.

Chicken Soup For The Soul

There's something comforting after a long day braving the polar vortex seeing the girls of A3G are reunited and up their old tricks. Tommie is unfailingly optimistic, Margo is revealing her secret judgments about your family and Lu Ann is smiling vapidly in the background for no reason. Everything is falling into place.

Huh?

Marriages all around! I guess after years of refused proposals and broken engagements, Margaret Shulock was like "can't we just one time have an actual wedding??" Because I mean no offense Tommie, but obviously James Clifton Alesworth is just looking for a green card, and even though you're desperate enough to go through with it, Margo's going to talk you out of it.

Exhibit A

Happy New Year to all!  And while we were gone that interminable Lu Ann storyline wrapped itself up nicely.

It seems the venerable Harrod's makes Lu Ann look like a sad largemouth bass.  Was it a relationship gone sour with Dodi Al Fayed or because they stopped selling Lady Frumpington brand white turtleneck dickies?  I'll bet it was the dickies.

James Clifton Alesworth

Well don't worry everyone, he's totally white! If you were thinking Tommie's excursion to Italy would introduce someone with even a hint of swarthiness to this strip, think again. After they met their first non-English speaker, the Tommie-Mommie Amazing Race team booked it to the UK, where they met the amazing and perfect stereotype, Lord Nigel Tweedsworth Bucktoothington, Esq.

Engagements

Maggie so kindly did a thorough review of 2013 for us, but my summary of the time between Christmas and New Years will be less thorough and hilarious because I'm not as kind, so here you go:

Zoey Ziggler and Governor Trog got engaged! ZOMG! Lu Ann didn't care at all, because COLE.

Lu Ann told Margo that she felt like she would never see Cole again (so put a bow on that storyline, because even men who get engaged to these women are never seen again), then proceeded to tell him they would keep in touch through phone and email and then they kissed. So, you know, no chance of them ever seeing each other again.

Tommie came back, all of a sudden! And look, now she's engaged! (...engaged in some kind of silly prank, because who would want to marry Tommie? Or engaged in a dangerous scam, because really, who would want to marry Tommie?)

Also, the Professor is back and he looks different! And I thought at first maybe he was Tommie's gentleman friend from Italy, but nope, it's the Professor! Of course, he has white hair, so that's the only clue I should have needed (but I had to go back a day or two just to make sure).

Happy New Year everyone! Here's to another crazy year.

(PS and Happy Birthday to Megan!)

A3G 2013: Year in Review

The Year that Was in Apartment 3G... in case you missed it. In reviewing the past year for goodies, I discovered that we really only had two major narrative arcs this year:

1. The conclusion of the Margo-Greg-Evan saga (in which Evan wore a raincoat and tried to burn Margo to death, and Greg saved her and sort of got engaged to her, except that's totally over now)

2. Lu Ann's adventures in philanthropy (in which Lu Ann is inspired to honor her deceased husband with an art therapy class for veterans' kids, and then immediately catches the eye of the Governor and a single dad veteran, and and winds up pretty much dumping them both and probably the art program too)

I mean, unless you count Tommie disappearing from the strip to go to Italy for half the year a story line.

For the record, Tommie is having the best year ever.

Also, I just discovered: Lu Ann and the Governor never kissed? What the hey. Weird.

But Apartment 3G really isn't about the storylines! (I had to look up Greg's name, I forgot him so quickly.) It's really about ...

The fashion!

Gorton's Fisherman Realness

Hella Appropriate Party Clothes

Deep-V Cry for Help

Prairie Chic

Blue Tux, Red Snake

 The passion!

An Egregious Show of Legs

Tender Earlobe Caresses

Pointing, Pointing, Pointing!

Shoulder Pinches

Marty's Attempts at Gesticulation

The tears!

Professor Who?

Sob Sob Sobbing at Arlington

James Bond Will Be Back in... nope, nevermind

John Calder is Dead

Marty's Contrition

The bobbles!

PTSD Tumor Bobble

Is War Good? Bobble

Sexy Sexting Bobble

Soupcon of Boozy Delight Bobble

 

The Brushoff Bobble

The characters we want to see more of but will never see again!

Tori

Lick

Mrs. Tori and probably anyone else
Tori is related to

Mister Clark

This dude with a cap that says Taxi

The bubble baths!

Lu Ann in repose

The character assassinations!

Gabriella

And of course, the 500 bucks we'll never get back.

Money for Nothing

Thanks for joining us for a year of ups and downs, but mostly another year of statis. I went nuts and put captions AND secret hover messages on all of these panels as a special New Year's treat, but don't get spoiled! We're back to our regular blogging schedule next Monday.

Happy new year!

-Maggie, Megan and Casey